♪♪
(THUNDER CRASHING)
(POLICE SIRENS WAILING)
♪ Sometimes some crimes
♪ Go slippin' through the cracks
♪ But these two gumshoes
♪ Are pickin' up the slack
♪ There's no case too big, no case too small
♪ When you need help, just call
♪ Ch-Ch-Ch-Chip 'n Dale's
♪ Rescue Rangers
♪ Ch-Ch-Ch-Chip 'n Dale
♪ When there's danger
♪ No, no, it never fails
♪ 'Cause once they're involved
♪ Somehow whatever's wrong gets solved
♪ Ch-Ch-Ch-Chip 'n Dale
♪ Rescue Rangers
♪ Ch-Ch-Ch-Chip 'n Dale
♪ When there's danger
♪ No, no, it never fails
♪ They'll take the clues
♪ And find the wheres and whys and whos
♪ Ch-Ch-Ch-Chip 'n Dale
♪ Rescue Rangers
♪ Ch-Ch-Ch-Chip 'n Dale
♪ When there's danger
♪ Ch-Ch-Ch-Chip 'n Dale ♪
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
CHIP: Boy, what a case.
(LAUGHING) Yeah.
We sure whupped those bad guys.
Too right, we did.
And nothin' like havin' the bodily injuries to prove it.
How can you say that, Monty?
Easy. Me mouth is the only thing that doesn't hurt.
Golly! From the looks of you guys,
it's hard to tell who won and who lost.
All this violence is getting out of hand.
ALL: But...
We Rangers need to find a kinder,
gentler approach to stopping crime.
I don't know, love.
That would take all the fun out of fightin'.
(GROANING) Watch the shoulder, pally.
(SQUEAKING) Sorry.
But fighting shouldn't be fun, Monty.
It should be a last resort.
Oh, I get it.
Sort of like a secret weapon, eh, Zipper?
(LAUGHING)
Well, what do you say, guys? Could we give it a try?
Why not? Couldn't hurt. Ow!
Oh, Chip. I knew you'd see it my way.
(SIGHING)
Me, too. I see it your way, too, Gadget.
Since when?
Since now.
Well, forget it!
You don't know a plugged nickel about kinder and gentler.
- I do, too! - Do not!
- Do, too! - Do not!
- Do, too! - Oh, yeah?
- Yeah! - Why, you!
(BOTH CLAMORING)
Huh.
Maybe what we need is a little practice.
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
But I don't get it, Gadget.
What kind of big crimes are gonna happen in the park?
That's the point, Dale.
We're going to practice being kinder and gentler on little crimes
and then work our way up.
(GASPING)
(SLURPING)
(SQUEAKING)
Hey! That guy is littering.
Yeah. And littering's against the law.
Too right, it is. I'll trash that litterbug.
Hold it, Monty.
We're here to practice
nonviolent means of solving crimes, remember?
Oh, right.
Party pooper.
Now, then, can anyone think of a civilized way of stopping him?
Nope. Sorry, love.
Guess I'll have to do it the old-fashioned way.
Wait a minute. I have an idea.
Somethin' tells me my glory days are numbered.
Okay, Zipper. Let 'er tip.
(SQUEAKING) Aye, aye, sir.
WOMAN: Oh, how terrible.
- MAN: Litterbug. - WOMAN: What a mess!
- MAN: Garbage! - WOMAN: This is a terrible mess.
Oh, no.
(LAUGHING)
Well done, Chip.
You were imaginative, resourceful,
and best of all, you didn't hurt anyone.
You get a gold star.
I can't believe it.
Chip's got five stars and we've got nothing but big, fat zeroes.
Not to worry, pally. We'll even up the score.
(GASPS)
In fact, we can start with that robbery below.
Looks like we've got our biggest test coming up, guys.
Kinder and gentler Rangers, away!
So, Dale, have any nonviolent plans to stop these crooks?
I'll think of a gentle way if I have to beat my head against a wall.
What about you, Monterey?
Me? Sure. I've always got a plan.
We'll rush 'em, then crush 'em!
And when we've got 'em beggin' for mercy...
Oops.
What can I say?
Growin' up around kangaroos makes you kind of punchy.
Don't worry, Rangers. I've got another brilliant idea.
(HISSING)
Now let's see those crooks get away.
Gosh, Chip, you're practically pacifist-perfect.
Thank you, Gadget. I think.
See, Dale, this new approach is easy if you just use your head.
Of course, that does give you a handicap.
I'll show you a handicap.
(DOOR OPENING)
Look, Monrovia. I stole the keys to their car, too.
Ain't I smart?
Not as smart as I am.
I've already got it packed and ready to go.
Nothin' like a family vacation without the family.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
(RANGERS COUGHING)
So much for using your head, Chip.
Why, you!
Not now, guys. We've got company.
Golly, this is terrible.
They're about to find out that they've been...
MOTHER AND FATHER: Robbed?
Oh, Harold. Everything's gone, even our refrigerator.
What'll we do?
We can't afford to replace all our things.
I hate to say it, Alice, but I'm afraid we'll have to give up the baby.
Alice: Our precious baby? No!
It's for his own good, Alice.
We're wiped out. We can't afford to give him a good home anymore.
Crikey. I've heard of disposable diapers.
Where do you think they'll take him?
I don't know, but this looks like a job for the Rescue Rangers.
Let's go.
Harold: We have to give back the baby we adopted.
See, we lost everything we owned.
Oh no, not again. That poor baby has the worst luck.
You mean these robberies have happened before?
Eh, once or twice perhaps.
13 to be exact.
Quiet, Pomona.
Say, there's something kind of familiar about those two.
I know. They're the robbers.
You're right, Dale. They must be using that poor little baby
in some sort of burglary scam.
We've got to save that baby
and make sure his next family doesn't get robbed too.
(MONTEREY AND ZIPPER SNORING)
Woman: Come on, dear. Let's go home with our new baby.
Wake up.
Huh? What?
I... I didn't touch the cheese.
Shh! The new parents.
Take good care of baby Thaddeus.
Oh, don't worry.
I intend to give this child everything I never had.
I'm sure you will.
(GIGGLING)
(ENGINE STARTING)
(CRICKETS CHIRPING)
Good night, darlingkins.
Sleep tighty-wighty.
And don't let the crib bugs bite you.
(SLURPING)
(BABY GURGLING)
Ah.
This looks like the perfect new home for baby Thaddeus.
I couldn't agree more.
Now can we go fight some real crimes?
We will be.
I have a feeling those crooks
from the adoption agency will be here soon.
(SPUTTERING)
In the meantime, we'd better keep an eye on baby
so he doesn't hurt himself.
(GRUNTING)
(ALL GASPING)
GADGET: We've got to stop him.
He'll make himself sick.
(SQUIRTING)
It's too late. He is sick. He's rabid!
He's mad! Mad baby! Mad baby!
It's only shaving cream, you big dummy.
How do you know that, Mr. Smarty Pants?
Because he's about to shave.
- Shave? - Shave?
(DALE SCREAMS)
We gotta stop him before he cuts himself.
Okay, Dale. Go for it!
(CHIP SCREAMING)
Nice baby. Good baby.
Give Uncle Chipper the nasty old razor.
Why, that little...
Chip! I'm surprised at you.
He's only a baby.
Tsk, tsk, tsk, Chipper. No stars for you this time.
You have a better idea?
As a matter of fact,
I have a special knack when it comes to children.
Give me a lift.
(DALE SNICKERING)
(RATTLING)
GADGET: We've got to save Dale.
That baby thinks he's a plaything.
We'd better hurry.
(DALE SCREAMING)
Don't worry, Dale. We'll have you out of there in no time.
(ALL GASPING)
(RANGERS SCREAMING)
Don't worry, guys.
As long as he doesn't figure out
how to turn on the furnace, we're safe.
(FURNACE HUMMING)
Too bad baby's a fast learner.
Looks like we're chipmunks roasting on an open fire.
DALE: Help! Get us out!
I'm too young to roast!
Look on the bright side, guys.
Monty's losing weight.
Gadget, love, a little less cheeriness, a little more speed.
I'm trying.
Mind if I give an assist?
Be my guest.
It's just a heater, love. Violence doesn't count.
Come on, let's get out of here
before baby finds the air conditioning switch next.
GADGET: There he goes. After him.
Wait a minute. I'm a Rescue Ranger, not a bloomin' baby-sitter.
Monterey, being a Rescue Ranger
is more than just exciting, harrowing, narrow escapes
and outrageous fights to the bitter end.
Since when?
Oh, no! Look!
CHIP: Yikes! Baby's in trouble again.
Hold your shirts, mateys.
Last time he trashed us, remember?
Monterey's right.
How can we get that baby back to his crib
without dragging him by his diaper?
Maybe if we get his attention, he'll follow us back to the nursery.
Come on, Dale, I have an idea.
We'll keep an eye on the kid.
This should get his attention.
That, or a spot on The Gong Show.
- Down here. Hey, sport, come on! - Goo, goo, ga, ga.
(LAUGHING)
It's working.
(EXCLAIMS)
(BOTH SCREAMING)
(DOG BARKING)
DALE: Help! Ouch!
Now I know how a cracked walnut feels.
- GADGET: Wait a second! - MONTEREY: Hey, hey, hey...
- What are you doing? - Hold on there!
(LAUGHING)
(WHIRRING)
(GRUNTING)
- (GURGLING) - Patience, patience, everyone.
The baby's probably going through his terrible twos.
I vote we keep the brat from ever reaching three.
See, that wasn't so bad, guys.
We got clean, dried, and, look, no water spots.
Gadget, love,
I think you've kindly, gently, flipped your lid.
I quit this case.
(SQUEAKING)
Forget it, Zipper.
I don't care if the baby is playin' with a gun.
A gun?
(ALL GASPING)
Yo, girls. Thaddeus here.
Sorry I took so long to call but I, uh, had a little rodent problem.
I staked out this joint and it's loaded with goodies.
A burglar's paradise.
Whoa!
Something about this kid stinks
and I don't mean his diaper.
He's nothing but a pint-sized crook.
No wonder all the homes he's been placed in have been robbed.
Let's put that kid behind bars, and I don't mean his crib.
No! Can't you see?
This is our biggest test yet.
We've got to stop him and those other crooks
without resorting to fisticuffs.
Give us a break, love.
Gandhi would wanna take a swing at this gig.
Guys, you promised. There's got to be a kinder...
- We know, we know! - We know, we know!
(SQUEAKING)
Good thinking, Zipper.
Let's wake up the parents.
They'll hear the crooks and call the police.
(BOTH SNORING)
Hey, hey, Sleepin' Beauty. Wake up.
Your baby's stealin' you blind.
This is goin' to take a group effort, mates.
- MONTEREY: Hello! Wake up! - GADGET: Come on! Get up!
(ALL YELLING)
What? W-What was that?
Did you hear the baby?
(GROANING)
I'll go check, dear.
I gotta split, Monrovia.
You and Pomona just get over here fast.
(SNORING)
Aw, look at him.
Daddy's little slugger.
Any other bright ideas?
CHIP: I might have one.
Let's trip the burglar alarm.
Good thinking, Chip. Go for it, Zipper.
(SQUEAKING) Aye, aye.
So much for callin' the police.
That counterfeit kid has thought of everything.
Maybe not. Follow me.
9-1-1.
(PHONE RINGING)
Uh, Sergeant Spinelli speakin'.
(RANGERS CHATTERING ON PHONE)
Hello?
Hold it, Rangers.
I don't think he understands Chipmunk.
Or even Mousese.
(METAL SCRATCHING)
Hey, that sounded like a lock bein' picked.
Hiya, boss. Ready to loot this locker?
Yeah, but first, let's do something about my rodent problem.
(RANGERS SCREAMING)
CHIP: What a case.
MONTEREY: Yeah.
We sure got our britches blistered by that little blighter.
Well, I say we kindly go back to that house, gently go inside,
then drag that baby out by his dirty, rotten diapers!
(BOTH GASPING)
- Gadget! - Gadget!
I've had it. No more wimping out.
Let's shake that baby till he rattles.
Wait. I've got a better plan.
Let's expose that phony adoption agency to the police.
Monty, get the Ranger Wing ready.
Zipper, Dale, get some strong twine.
To tie up the baby?
No, to tie down Gadget.
I think she's blown a gasket.
(GROWLING)
(SQUEAKING) There it is!
Let's go see what they're up to,
then put them out of business.
Girls, we're closing down this operation.
Uh-oh. They beat us to the punch.
But look at all the great stuff we stole.
VCRs, stereos.
Press-on nails.
Why stop a good thing?
'Cause I got a better thing.
This is an article
about the richest couple in town.
(SNICKERING) The richest, childless couple, till now.
But, uh, I... I thought we was giving up the baby racket.
I said we was giving up the adoption racket.
These folks is going to find a free gift on their doorstep.
(CHUCKLES)
Me.
And if we pull off this haul, we're set for life, girls.
(BOTH SQUEALING)
To the Hancock estate.
Special delivery.
Crikey. Burglar baby and his babes have sure upped their ante.
Yeah. We got to stop them before they loot that mansion.
Come on.
(GROWLING)
He's about to meet his worst nightmare.
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
Okay, Zipper, do your thing.
(DOORBELL RINGING)
Good luck, mates.
What's this?
Look what someone's left on our doorstep, dear.
"Please give these pet chipmunks a good home."
"Your children will love them."
But we don't own any children, dear.
(DOORBELL RINGING)
(COOING)
"Please take good care of baby Thaddeus."
"He deserves a home like yours."
But we can't keep him, dear.
An abandoned child is a matter for the police.
(CRYING)
Dada.
(LAUGHING) Did you hear that?
He called me Dada.
LADY: Oh, can't we keep him for a little while?
Well, I suppose.
Oh, I just knew this nursery would come in handy someday.
Here, Thaddeus, you play with your little chipmunks
like a good teeny-weeny little boy.
(CHIP AND DALE SCREAMING)
Where is he? Let me at him.
Will somebody hose her down?
We've got to notify the police.
Yeah, about our assault and battery.
Move it, Rangers!
(CHIP EXCLAIMING)
Let's pull the rug out from under him.
Enough Mr. Nice Guy.
I say we do it Gadget's way.
What do you suggest, love?
Trash the brat!
ALL: All right!
Monrovia, Pomona, we've hit the jackpot.
Make like your nylons and run over here.
LADY: Baby Thaddeus, here comes Mama with din-din!
There you are, my little precious.
Is baby hungry?
I've bought you gourmet baby food.
Let's try the pureed liver, shall we?
(CHIP SHUSHING)
(BOTH GRUNTING)
There's the signal. Time for Operation Brat Buster.
Light the retro-rockets.
Good luck, love.
Go trip the burglar alarm, pally.
(SQUEAKING) Aye, aye.
Open wide for Mama.
Thaddeus!
THADDEUS: You dirty rats!
WOMAN ON RADIO: Burglary in progress, 524 Hancock Place.
(SIREN WAILING)
(GROANING)
POMONA: Sounds like the boss started looting without us.
Let's go help.
This place must be loaded with microwaves and mascara.
Look out, girls!
(EXCLAIMING)
(GONGING)
Goo, goo. Ga, ga.
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
My baby. My poor baby.
Let go of me, you crazy dame.
(SOBBING)
Did somebody report a burglary?
I did it. Take me to a nice, safe cell, please!
(SOBBING) Before those sadistic rodents get me again.
What a case. We showed them.
Sorry your new approach didn't work out, Gadget.
That's okay. Sometimes you just have to fight fire with fire.
Or fireworks, anyway.
Let's go celebrate.
How about a visit to the wrestlers' arena, love?
I don't know, Monty.
Something kinder and gentler might be better.
Just what I had in mind. Today's feature match
is the Kinder Karate Kid versus the Gentle Giant.
Perfect.