♪♪
♪ Sometimes, some crimes ♪
♪ Go slippin' through the cracks ♪
♪ But these two gumshoes ♪
♪ Are pickin' up the slack ♪
♪ There's no case too big ♪
♪ No case too small ♪
♪ When you need help, just call ♪
♪ Ch-Ch-Ch-Chip 'N' Dale's ♪
♪ Rescue Rangers ♪
♪ Ch-ch-ch-Chip 'N' Dale ♪
♪ When there's danger ♪
♪ No, no, it never fails ♪
♪ Once they're involved ♪
♪ Somehow whatever's wrong gets solved ♪
♪ Ch-Ch-Ch-Chip 'N' Dale ♪
♪ Rescue Rangers ♪
♪ Ch-Ch-Ch-Chip 'N' Dale ♪
♪ When there's danger ♪
♪ No, no, it never fails ♪
♪ They'll take the clues ♪
♪ And find the wheres and whys and whos ♪
♪ Ch-Ch-Ch-Chip 'N' Dale ♪
♪ Rescue Rangers ♪
♪ Ch-Ch-Ch-Chip 'N' Dale ♪
♪ When there's danger ♪
♪ Ch-Ch-Ch-Chip 'N' Dale ♪
Zipper, you could have at least dressed for the occasion.
Ain't everyday there's a fresh shipment of blue cheese from France.
(squeaks) Sorry.
Ch-ee-ee-ee-se!
Ah!
(dog barking)
Crikey, something about this cheese stinks.
(speaks French) I cannot stand it in here one more minute!
C'est terrible!
There's someone in there.
(grunts)
Ooh, la la! Free at last!
Begging your pardon, but why would such
elegant canines as yourselves
be stowing away with the cheese?
Have you not heard?
There is a terrible whine going through Paris.
Well, live and learn. I thought they had the best wine in the world.
Not wine, a "whine," like this.
Yikes!
C'est terrible, non?
Well, the whine in Paris is much worse,
and only dogs can hear it.
You see, we had no choice but to flee.
Zipper, me boy, this French whine
sounds like a job for the Rescue Rangers.
Monty: Ah, here we are in the city of Brie,
Camembert, Roquefort cheese!
I thought we here for the whine.
(barking)
Monty: We are.
The kind of whine that poodle's suffering from.
Let's follow him.
Wait a minute, goof.
If the poodles are going that way,
whatever they're running from is that way.
Snoodens, Snoodens, my poodle!
Bet you bottom dollar that man's looking for a runaway poodle.
And something around here made it run away.
Look! Up there!
The Ultrasonic Poodle Perturber works magnifique!
Oui, oui.
Soon Paris will be empty of pampered poodles,
and then it will be an all-cat town.
Ooh, la la!
Ah, to walk the streets and never be chased
by flea-ridden mongrels,
No barking dogs to ruin my cat naps.
Sheer heaven!
Dale, don't lean on the door!
I'm just trying to hear better.
Both: Whoa!
What is this?
Who dares burst in on Maltese De Sade?
Nice going, goof-up.
Crikey, it's a c-c-c-cat!
Sacrebleu, rodents!
I hate rodents.
You are a rodent, Ratatouille.
Non, monsieur, I am an artiste.
Okay, Rangers, we need a plan.
Unfortunately, I didn't plan on a plan.
- Maltese: A plan? - (Rangers gasp)
Perhaps you should plan to mind your own business.
Capturing two-bit villains is our business.
We're the Rescue Rangers.
Rescue Rangers, you say?
(grunting)
My cousin Fat Cat has told me about you virtuous vermin.
You hear that, Rangers? He's Fat Cat's cousin.
Now I know I don't like this crooked kitty.
(screaming)
Bl-l-l-l-l. Nyah nyah, you missed us!
Don't speak too soon, nitwit.
Ready, aim...
Champagne!
Don't fret, pallies.
Nothing like sweet whipped cream to whip a sourpuss.
(exclaiming)
We creamed 'em.
Now's our chance to get some licks in.
Sure is.
Dale, quit goofing off.
Take it easy, Chip. I just want a little snack.
Whoa!
Oof!
(exclaiming)
Look who is licked now!
(laughs)
Le Sewer, put the rodents in...
le sewer.
Flush them out of my life.
(grunting)
Rangers: Whoa! Oof!
You really goofed up this time, Dale.
Sometimes I think the Rescue Rangers
would be better off without you.
Hey, it wasn't my fault.
Tell him, Gadget.
Well, if you believe in the ethereal theory that
everything happens for a reason,
Then it wasn't your fault.
Technically, however, You're a goof-up.
Monty, Zipper, you tell him.
(squeaking)
Zipper's right.
We try to think of you as comic relief.
Unfortunately, the joke's usually on us.
Yeah, so why don't you do something you can't mess up,
Chip: Like sightseeing?
Maybe he'll learn his lesson if we solve this one case without him.
Maybe the Rangers would be better off without me.
I'm just a worthless chipmunk,
No good to anybody.
Whoa! Sacrebleu!
Yeouch!
I better get going.
Wait a minute. Where am I going?
Why can't I remember.
It should be as clear as my name, which is...
which is...
Who am I?
Who are any of us?
This is the essential question.
To live is to exist,
and yet to exist is to live.
Yet...
Oy, and I thought I was confused.
Now that those Rescue rodents are vanquished,
I can continue mon plan magnifique.
It is him!
Who?
You is who.
You know who I am? Tell me!
This is a trick, non?
No. I really don't know who I am.
Mmm. Strange how the chipmunk does not remember who he is.
But we do.
Let's throw him on the subway track, Maltese,
and flatten him like an omelet.
Haha, I have a better idea,
which is why I'm a brilliant archvillain,
and you are but a stupid sidekick.
Come along, my friend.
I will show you who you are. (Laughs)
(chewing) So, are you gonna tell me who I am,
or do we gotta play 20 questions?
Viola! You are Ramdale.
Ramdale?
Oui, oui, you work for me.
You are a feared criminal.
Gee, I... I don't feel like a criminal.
Yes! You are the meanest,
most feared chipmunk in the world.
Your weapon is the plastic espresso bean machine gun.
You are the heartless rodent,
Le Sewer: The main dude.
The hunk of a monk.
And these are your enemies, the Rescue Rangers.
Paint your heart out, Rembrat!
Now, who are you?
I am Ramdale.
Maltese: And who is your enemy?
(French accent) ze Rescue Rangers (laughs)
I mean, the Rescue Rangers.
And what is your mission?
To decaffeinate them with my espresso bean gun.
Very well, Ramdale. Now go and complete your mission,
and do not return until you have brought me proof
that the Rescue Rangers
are as flat as French toast.
Yo.
Whew! We must have seen half of Paris' underside getting out of there.
Chip, I really think we should go find Dale.
We may have hurt his feelings.
But this city is full of tourist spots.
We may never find him in time to stop Maltese.
Then let's split up.
Great idea, Gadget, love.
You and Zipper check out Notre Dame.
Gadget and I will go to the museum.
(squeaks)
Maltese? Going into a church?
Monty: (scoffs) Overdue for confession, no doubt.
Let's see what that fuzz ball is up to.
I think this is our stop.
(gasps)
What is it, Chip?
I'm not sure.
It looked like a familiar Chipmunk terrorist.
Decaffeinate them!
You know, that guy I saw looked kind of like Dale.
He was wearing a headband and a... (gasps)
Chip: It is Dale!
No. I'm your worst nightmare.
Both: Whoa!
I... I think we've lost him.
What's wrong with him?
The question is, what is wrong with society?
He is but a microcosm in the lonely universe.
Why doesn't Dale aim at him?
I guess I never should have said those mean things to him.
But who would have thought he'd become a traitor?
Dale a traitor?
I can't believe that,
not in a million years.
Is it one million A.D. already?
(barking)
(laughing)
It works like a charm, Maltese. Yes, no?
Monsieur Le Sewer, you have the brain petite.
Can't you see the tower of Notre Dame
is not high enough for my plan diabolique?
I do not want to chase dogs just from the neighborhood.
I want every flea-monger in Paris to flee,
and I want them gone now!
If only I had a powerful antenna,
I could get rid of them all at once.
So, that's what that prissy pussy is up to.
Uh-oh! I... It's him!
Coffee anyone?
Gadget: In here!
What's that?
Ever had an art attack?
Dale, I'm sorry for what I said.
You're important to the Rangers.
Now, put away that coffee gun before you sugar and cream us.
I don't know what you're talking about?
My name's Ramdale.
Ramdale... the decaffeinator!
Monty: Pallies, are you in here?
What was that?
Chipper, I found out what Maltese is planning to do.
Later, Monty. Right now, we have to stop Dale.
He's out of his head.
That's it! Dale is out of his head.
I bet he has amnesia.
How would he get that?
A conk on the head,
and if that caused Dale's amnesia,
the only way to bring him back is...
That's it, Gadget! You hit the Dale on the head.
Four against one, huh?
Just the odds I like!
Look out, mates! Wet paint!
Not paint... plaster du Paris!
Monty: It's all up to you, Chipper!
- That's what I was afraid of. - (cranking)
Out of beans,
and I thought they'd be good to the last drop!
But there's more than one way to skin a chipmunk.
Enguarde!
- Touche! - Souffle!
- Allez! - Say hey!
Take that!
Oh, yeah? Well take this!
- Take that! - Take this!
Take that!
Chip's trying to get that tray of plaster to fall on Dale's head.
And that! And that!
(giggles) Nyah nyah, you missed me!
Ouch!
Take that and that!
And... hey, this is fun, Chip.
Hey, you called me Chip!
How come I'm dressed like this,
and why do I have this sudden urge to say, "yo"?
Dale, you're back!
Forget my back! It's my head that's killing me!
Who made that statue of the Rangers?
Both: We're no statue!
Uh-oh. We better get them out of there,
while I explain the whole thing to you.
One more chip off the old block oughta do it, mates.
We're free!
(squeaks) Yippee!
I'm sorry, Dale. This is all my fault.
I never should have said the Rangers don't need you.
The important thing is we've got the old Dale back!
Yeah. No, wait a minute. Maybe we don't want the old Dale back.
Oh, I get it.
You want Dale to infiltrate Maltese's mob.
Infiltrate?
But I can't.
I don't know how. I don't know what to do.
I don't even know what that word means.
You will in a minute.
Dale: But why me?
You're the only one who can find out
where and when Maltese is gonna put his crazy scheme into operation.
But I... I never work alone.
You just did, pally.
When you were Ramdale,
you were one ferocious tiger of a chipmunk.
He's right, Dale.
Somewhere inside you beats the heart of a fearless warrior.
Now that I have finally discovered the perfect place
to hook up my Ultrasonic Poodle Perturber,
it is time to go through with my plan diabolique!
(laughs)
(all gasp)
Maltese: So it is you, Ramdale.
Have you completed your mission
and disposed of the Rescue Rangers?
You bet!
They hit me with their best shot,
but they're such wimps, I beat them with one hand behind my back.
Dale's laying it on a little thick.
So, if you've done what you say you did,
where is the proof I asked you for?
(gulp)
Proof?
- Proof? - (squeaks)
You have betrayed moi!
Since you have no proof
that the Rangers are destroyed,
how do I know you are not lying?
(gulp) Cross my heart and hope to die?
Let's hope this works.
It appears that you sacre -blew it.
No, no, no. I didn't.
I have the evidence here somewhere. Let's see.
What are you doing with that hat?
Uhh... I don't know.
Keeping my ears warm?
Evidence. Where did I put that evidence?
That is the hat belonging to the leader of the Rescue Rangers.
Yeah, it is! I told you I had some evidence.
I was just keeping it under my hat.
Magnifique, Ramdale!
You have proven yourself.
Nothing can stop us now.
Oh, thank you for not killing me, mademoiselle.
Very funny.
For too long, Paris has been raining cats and dogs.
It's time to step on some poodles!
What exactly are you gonna do?
I am going to broadcast
my ultrasonic sound ray
from the most powerful antenna in all of France.
And, uh, where is that?
You will find out when we get there.
Don't you like surprises?
Love them.
(footsteps)
They're coming!
Quick! In here!
(laughing)
Onward to glory we go!
Chip: We're locked in!
(grunting)
They're gone!
And Dale's a goner if that crabby tabby finds out he's a double agent.
Viola!
There is the key to my plan diabolique!
Le Tour d'Eiffel.
Looks just like the Eiffel Tower.
It is the Eiffel Tower, souffle brain!
There's something about what Maltese De Sade said
that keeps sticking in my mind
about how he's going to use the biggest antenna in France.
That could be anywhere.
By the time we find it, it'll too late.
Hmm, it would have to be big and tall
and made of metal. Of course!
The Eiffel Tower!
Come on. This street leads right to it.
Maltese: Ramdale, wait here
and guard the Ultrasonic Poodle Perturber
with your life
while we look for the best place to hook it up.
Oui, oui, mademoiselle.
Your little jest escapes moi.
This is my chance to pull the plug
on this crazy machine.
The old squeaky dog bone on the blackboard trick.
Shouldn't be too hard to dismantle this.
- I'll just... - What are you doing?
I just wanted to see how your machine worked.
A dog bone on a chalkboard.
You're a genius!
Well, yes. I guess I am that.
Wow, I never worked with a genuine genius before!
I mean, back when I was a Rescue Ranger,
I saw Gadget invent some pretty neat stuff.
Of course, I don't remember any of that now.
I was Dale then, but I'm Ramdale now.
Never heard of, uh, Dale. I can't even think of his name.
So, you have regained your memory.
Well, I will give you a conk on the head
that you will never forget.
Take him to the tippy top of the tower!
Monty: This is our stop, pallies.
Chip: I don't see them, but it's so high up.
Monty: What we need are some binoculars.
I have an idea. Come on.
Chip: Higher, Monty, higher.
To the left. Hold it.
- Gadget: Uh-oh. - Chip: Looks like Dale's blown his cover.
We got to bail him out.
We could, but we've got to get up there fast.
Rangers, get ready for liftoff.
Alley oop!
(speaking French)
Can we throw him off now, boss? Please?
Pretty please? We'll shove his friend from the top.
Not yet. It's every villain's right
to show off in front of his adversaries.
I gotta stop him. The Rangers are counting on me.
C'est magnifique!
I won't let the Rangers down this time. I won't.
I'm a fearless warrior!
I'm as ferocious as a tiger!
I'm a fearless warrior!
What is this pathetic chipmunk mumbling?
I'm as ferocious as a tiger!
Aah!
Wha...
No!
Maltese: My device!
She is smashed flat as a Crepe Suzette.
What have you done?
What have any of us done?
To exist is to do.
To do is to be done.
What is the big to-do?
Ha!
Now throw him to the pavement!
Make him shatter into 1,000 pieces
like a bottle of Beaujolais.
(speaking French) You're a mouse. I'm a rat.
We're practically related.
Now I can destroy two rodents
for the price of one.
I will rip you apart like a croissant.
But you won't be so lucky.
Aah!
Ha ha ha!
Monty: Never fails.
Those cats always land on their feet.
Gadget: I loved Paris,
but it's great to be home again.
(squeaks) Yeah, you said it.
Dale, I'll never doubt your abilities again.
The Rangers just wouldn't be the Rangers without you.
And there's about a million French poodles
who are forever grateful to you.
- Girl Poodle: Bravo! - Boy Poodle: Hooray for the Rescue Rangers!
We heard the good news.
We are taking the next boat back to Paris.
Any time you have a problem,
just remember to call the Rescue...
(gurgling)
Rangers!