(Mary Alice) PREVIOUSLY ON...
I'M GOING TO BE A STAY-AT-HOME DAD. HUH?
SOME REVERSED ROLES... I'VE BEEN THINKIN' ABOUT YOU.
SO YOU CAME TO ASK ME OUT?
SOME WERE WELCOMED IN... 'CAUSE I'LL SAY YES.
I'VE MOVED ON. YOU SHOULD DO THE SAME.
SOME WERE SHOWN THE DOOR...
WILL YOU MARRY ME?
AND SOME... HUH?
NEVER GOT THE CHANCE... AAH!
(grunting)
TO FIND OUT WHAT THEY REALLY WANTED.
BETTY APPLEWHITE WAS A GIFTED WOMAN.
EVERYONE HAD ALWAYS SAID SO EVER SINCE SHE WAS A CHILD.
HER FIRST PIANO TEACHER PRAISED HER DEXTERITY.
(playing descending scale)
HER FIRST COLLEGE PROFESSOR
APPLAUDED HER SENSE OF RHYTHM...
(playing up-tempo classical piece)
HER FIRST SYMPHONY CONDUCTOR HAILED HER DRAMATIC FLAIR...
(plays minor chords dramatically)
BUT BETTY WAS NO LONGER A CONCERT PIANIST.
SHE WAS NOW JUST A WOMAN WITH A SECRET,
ONE SHE WAS DETERMINED TO KEEP BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY.
I'M NOT A BIT SURPRISED
THAT SOMEBODY BROKE INTO GABRIELLE'S HOUSE.
WISTERIA LANE IS AN EASY TARGET.
IT'S NOT LIKE THE POLICE PATROL AROUND HERE.
WE STILL HAVE THE NEIGHBORHOOD WATCH.
OH, THE NEIGHBORHOOD WATCH IS A JOKE.
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME ANY OF YOU WENT ON PATROL, HUH?
NOW I PUT SECURITY LIGHTS ON MY HOUSE.
I SAY IT'S TIME THAT WE HIRE PROFESSIONAL SECURITY.
WELL, THAT SOUNDS EXPENSIVE.
COULD YOU REALLY PUT A PRICE ON YOUR KIDS' SAFETY?
WELL, YOU PROBABLY COULD. LOOK, McCLUSKY, I AM AS WORRIED
AS EVERYBODY ELSE IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD, BUT I JUST...
(hushed voice) WE'VE GOT TO STOP THIS.
(hushed voice) AND SAY WHAT, WE'RE AGAINST SECURITY?
BUT IF THEY FIND CALEB FIRST-- HUSH, MATTHEW. I'M TRYING TO THINK.
I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT A BUNCH OF VIGILANTES,
I'M TALKING ABOUT TRAINED MEN WHO KNOW WHEN TO SHOOT.
(Tom) DO WE REALLY NEED PROFESSIONAL SECURITY?
(Mrs. McClusky) ARE YOU ALL GONNA WAIT
UNTIL SOMEBODY ELSE IS ATTACKED?
I THINK IT'S TIME TO TAKE A VOTE ON ARMED SECURITY.
(all talking at once) (Man) LET'S VOTE NOW.
I'VE HAD ENOUGH. ALL THOSE IN FAVOR...
(plays theme from Beethoven's "Fifth Symphony")
OH, SORRY. THINGS WERE JUST GETTING SO DRAMATIC.
WOW, YOU'RE REALLY GOOD.
WE WERE TAKING A VOTE HERE. SHE WAS A CONCERT PIANIST.
WELL, I DABBLED A BIT.
(resumes playing allegro tempo)
YES, BETTY APPLEWHITE WAS A GIFTED WOMAN...
AND THE GREATEST OF ALL HER GIFTS...
WAS HER TIMING.
ONCE THEY'VE SUFFERED A MISCARRIAGE,
SOME WOMEN SIT ALONE IN THE DARK FOR HOURS.
THEY REFUSE TO GO OUT IN THE LIGHT OF DAY,
AFRAID TO FACE THE POSSIBILITY THAT LIFE WILL GO ON.
THEY HOLD ONTO REMINDERS OF THEIR UNBORN CHILD
AND DREAM OF WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN.
YES, THIS IS HOW SOME WOMEN REACT
WHEN THEY'VE SUFFERED SUCH A LOSS.
GABRIELLE SOLIS WAS NOT ONE OF THOSE WOMEN.
HI, GUYS.
HI, HONEY. HI.
HOW ARE YOU?
I'M FINE. THANK YOU FOR THE MESSAGES.
I'M--I'M SORRY I HAVEN'T HAD TIME TO RETURN CALLS.
WE ALL CLEARED OUR SCHEDULES.
WE THOUGHT MAYBE YOU COULD USE SOME COMPANY.
SO WE'RE GOING TO GO TO MY HOUSE.
I MADE BANANA BREAD, AND WE'LL PUT ON A FRESH POT,
AND JUST TALK ABOUT ANYTHING.
THAT SOUNDS SO NICE.
IT'S JUST I'M BOOKED SOLID TODAY.
MY HEAD'S GONNA EXPLODE.
CAN I TAKE A RAIN CHECK?
SURE.
THANKS.
THANKS FOR UNDERSTANDING.
OKAY, WELL, UH, I WILL CALL YOU TONIGHT
AND WE'LL FIGURE OUT A TIME LATER IN THE WEEK. WELL, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT,
SINCE IT'S MY SCHEDULE THAT SEEMS TO BE THE PROBLEM,
WHY DON'T I JUST FIGURE OUT A TIME AND CALL YOU?
OKAY.
I JUST--I HAVE SO MANY ERRANDS TO RUN
AND A MILLION THINGS TO RETURN.
OH, HONEY, THERE'S NO REASON WHY YOU AND CARLOS CAN'T TRY AGAIN.
YOU'D BE AN AMAZING MOTHER.
YOU SHOULD HOLD ONTO THAT STUFF FOR A WHILE.
YEAH, YOU KNOW, I WOULD,
BUT THE STORE HAS THIS STRICT 30-DAY RETURN POLICY.
(door buzzes)
CARLOS, WHAT HAPPENED?
I'VE HAD A ROUGH COUPLE DAYS. (sniffles)
AFTER YOU TOLD ME ABOUT THE...
(sighs) THE BABY...
I KIND OF LOST IT.
CARLOS, YOUR HANDS.
I RIPPED MY MATTRESS OPEN.
JEEZ, HOW ARE YOU FEELING TODAY?
THEY'RE INJECTING ME WITH THIS TRANQUILIZER THING.
I THINK IT'S DOING THE TRICK.
(sighs) WE NEVER EVEN TALKED ABOUT NAMES.
I HAD MY TOP FIVE ALL PICKED OUT.
HONEY.
YOU WANT TO HEAR 'EM? NO, I'M GOOD.
BUT YOU NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT NAMES?
OH, WELL, IT WAS A LITTLE SOON FOR THAT, DON'T YOU THINK?
I MEAN, HOW CAN YOU NAME SOMETHING THE SIZE OF A WALNUT?
IS THIS NEW?
DO YOU LIKE IT? I PICKED IT UP ON THE WAY HERE.
YOU JUST LOST A BABY.
WE ALL GRIEVE DIFFERENTLY.
YOU SEEM TO BE TAKIN' IT PRETTY WELL.
I GO SHOPPING, YOU RIP TOILETS OUT OF THE WALL...
DIFFERENT STROKES.
ARE YOU EVEN SAD?
OH, PLEASE. WHAT DO YOU THINK?
HONESTLY? I DON'T KNOW.
OF COURSE, I'M SAD. IT'S A SAD SITUATION.
NOW LET GO OF ME.
OH, MAN. HONEY, ARE YOU OKAY?
I THINK MY TRANQUILIZER'S WEARING OFF.
WELL, LET'S GET YOU ANOTHER ROUND.
(door buzzes)
HEY, MIKE.
SO MY MOM'S WEDDING'S IN A COUPLE DAYS,
AND I KNOW YOU SENT BACK THAT LITTLE CARD
SAYING YOU WERE COMING AND THAT YOU PREFERRED BEEF,
WHICH, ACTUALLY, I CHANGED TO FISH FOR YOU
'CAUSE I TASTED THE BEEF.
ANYWAYS, I KNOW THAT WAS BEFORE WE, YOU KNOW.
SEND YOUR MOM MY APOLOGIES,
BUT I WON'T BE ATTENDING. OH.
I HOPE THAT'S NOT JUST BECAUSE OF US NOT BEING US ANYMORE.
I MEAN, WE COULD BE TOGETHER AT A WEDDING,
AND IT WOULDN'T HAVE TO BE WEIRD.
IT'D BE WEIRD.
OF COURSE. YEAH, I SEE THAT.
OH. UH, HEH.
SO WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING LATELY?
OH, JUST THE USUAL.
WELL, I'VE BEEN WRITING A BOOK.
IT'S SORT OF AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL.
IT'S REALLY BEEN FORCING ME TO REEXAMINE
SOME OF THE DIFFERENT THINGS THAT HAVE MADE ME ME,
LIKE THE FACT THAT MY MOTHER HAD ME SO YOUNG,
AND I NEVER KNEW MY DAD. BIG STUFF LIKE THAT.
I TOLD YOU ABOUT MY DAD, RIGHT?
HE--HE WAS A MERCHANT MARINE,
AND HIS PLATOON WAS KILLED IN THE BATTLE OF HANOI?
THAT'S STRANGE. WHY?
WELL, HANOI WASN'T ENEMY TERRITORY.
THERE WASN'T A BATTLE THERE. ARE YOU SURE?
THAT'S WHAT MY MOM SAID. I'M PRETTY SURE, YEAH.
THE MERCHANT MARINES DON'T FIGHT.
THEY DELIVER SUPPLIES ON SHIPS.
OH. WELL, CLEARLY I HAVE MORE RESEARCH TO DO.
SO WHAT DO YOU THINK?
MY LIFE STORY--WOULD YOU RUSH OUT AND BUY A COPY?
SUSAN... YEAH?
YOU REALLY NEED TO STEP BACK.
OOH! AH.
(sighs)
(shouting indistinctly)
PORTER, PRESTON, WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU
ABOUT PLAYING OUTSIDE AFTER DARK? IT'S NOT DARK.
DOES YOUR DAD KNOW YOU'RE OUT HERE? DON'T WORRY, I'VE BEEN WATCHING 'EM.
THEY KEEP SETTING OFF MY MOTION SENSORS.
I OUGHT TO SEND YOU HALF MY ELECTRIC BILL.
YOU DO THAT. OKAY, GUYS, COME ON OVER HERE.
ON THE SIDEWALK.
STAY THERE. NOT ON THE STREET. THANK YOU.
(whirring)
HEY.
HI, BABE. (turns off vacuum)
I'M HOME.
COULD YOU COME HERE A SEC?
SURE. WHAT'S UP?
BLOCK ME, COME ON!
DAMN, THEY MUST HAVE SNUCK OUT AGAIN.
AGAIN? HOW OFTEN DOES THIS HAPPEN?
BOYS, GET IN HERE NOW!
HONEY, YOU KNOW HOW SLIPPERY THEY ARE.
IT'S LIKE TRYING TO HERD CATS.
TOM, IT'S 9:00 AT NIGHT.
GUYS, UPSTAIRS NOW. LET'S GO.
INTO PJ's, INTO BED. HONEY, THEY'RE FINE.
YOU JUST-- YOU WORRY TOO MUCH.
AND FOR GOOD REASON.
SOMEONE COULD HAVE DRIVEN OFF WITH THEM,
AND YOU WOULDN'T HAVE EVEN NOTICED.
THEY WERE IN THE FRONT YARD. GOD, WHEN I WAS THEIR AGE,
I USED TO HOP ON MY BIKE, DISAPPEAR FOR HOURS.
MY MOM NEVER BATTED AN EYE.
YEAH, WELL, THAT WAS A DIFFERENT TIME.
YOU HAVE TO BE MORE VIGILANT.
THERE WAS A BREAK-IN ON THIS STREET.
I WAS AT THE NEIGHBORHOOD WATCH MEETING, REMEMBER?
I'M SORRY. I'VE BEEN DOING THIS FOR SEVEN YEARS.
TRUST ME. YOU HAVE TO HAVE EYES IN THE BACK OF YOUR HEAD.
THE TWO IN FRONT WORK JUST FINE, THANKS. REALLY?
MM-HMM. WHERE'S PENNY?
SEE? RIGHT WHERE I LEFT HER.
HOW DID THIS GET IN THE PAPER?
I-I WAS GOING TO CALL YOU.
WE DISCUSSED THIS. WE AGREED TO GO SLOWLY.
I-I WAS GOING TO CALL AND CANCEL AFTER OUR TALK,
BUT THINGS JUST GOT SO HECTIC, I-I FORGOT.
REX HAS ONLY BEEN DEAD FOR SEVEN WEEKS.
SO?
SO I DON'T WANT EVERY WOMAN IN THIS TOWN
TALKING ABOUT ME BEHIND MY BACK.
I'M SORRY, BUT ISN'T THE DAMAGE DONE?
WELL, FORTUNATELY, PEOPLE ONLY READ THE ANNOUNCEMENTS
WHEN THERE'S NOTHING IN THE FRONT PAGE,
AND THE HEADLINE TODAY WAS ABOUT
SOME CATASTROPHIC FLOOD IN SRI LANKA. OH, SO WE LUCKED OUT.
YES, WE DID.
NOW WHEN THE TIME COMES
TO GO PUBLIC WITH OUR RELATIONSHIP,
I NEED YOU TO DISCUSS IT WITH ME FIRST.
I'M THE BRIDE, AFTER ALL. IT'S ONLY...
APPROPRIATE.
OKAY.
HMM.
I WILL NEED YOU TO WEAR THAT RING, THOUGH.
THE RING?
YOU'RE NOT WEARING IT. WHERE IS IT?
IT'S IN MY PURSE. OH, GOOD.
PLEASE PUT IT ON.
BUT IF PEOPLE SEE IT...
THEY'LL ASSUME THAT YOU'RE WEARING YOUR WEDDING RING.
OH. MAYBE, BUT WHY RISK IT?
BECAUSE A RING TELLS WOULD-BE SUITORS A WOMAN IS SPOKEN FOR.
A NAKED HAND INVITES UNWANTED ATTENTION.
HERE. LET ME.
UH, WILL THAT BE ALL, MRS. VAN DE KAMP?
UH, YES, I THINK SO, MR. WILLIAMS.
HI.
(engine rattling)
UHH.
AAH!
OH, MY GOD!
WHAT DO YOU WANT?!
HEY, HEY, IT'S COOL!
NO, IT'S NOT COOL! WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?!
CARLOS SENT ME! I'M GONNA CALL THE POLICE!
NAME'S HECTOR. I MET CARLOS INSIDE.
INSIDE WHAT?
YOU MEAN-- YOU MEAN, IN PRISON?
HE TOLD ME WHAT HAPPENED, ASKED ME TO COME BY
AND KEEP AN EYE ON YOU. CAN I COME IN?
NO! NO, YOU CAN'T COME IN!
I BROUGHT A COOLER. I'LL CAMP OUT HERE. NO! UNH-UNH!
I CAN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF, OKAY?
OKAY.
OKAY?
YEAH, I-I GET IT. YOU NEED YOUR SPACE.
YES. YES, I DO. I NEED MY SPACE. THANK YOU.
COME HERE. I WANT TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING. OKAY.
COME HERE. HI, GUYS.
I THOUGHT ABOUT WHAT YOU SAID.
DON'T WANT YOU TO WORRY.
SO I HAD A LITTLE TALK WITH THE BOYS. OH.
OKAY, GUYS, WHAT DO WE DO
IF A STRANGER ASKS US TO TAKE A RIDE IN THEIR CAR?
PORTER.
WE RUN AWAY AND CALL 9-1-1. GOOD MAN.
RIGHT, BUT WHAT IF THAT STRANGER SAYS,
"HEY, I KNOW YOUR MOMMY AND DADDY"?
WHAT, PRESTON? STILL RUN AWAY.
YES. OKAY...
CAN I ASK A QUESTION? YEAH, BY ALL MEANS.
WHAT IF THE STRANGER IS NICE AND NOT SCARY?
YES?
RUN AWAY AND CALL 9-1-1.
SO WHAT IF THE STRANGER SAYS
THEY'RE GOING TO TAKE YOU TO THE CIRCUS
FOR PIZZA AND ELEPHANT RIDES?
DON'T LOOK AT YOUR DAD.
EYES ON ME. WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?
WE...
RUN AWAY?
YES! SNAP.
OKAY, TO THE KITCHEN.
WE ARE HAVIN' ICE CREAM TONIGHT.
YOUR SMILING LIKE THAT ACTUALLY MEANT SOMETHING.
LYNETTE, COME ON. WE WORKED ON THIS ALL AFTERNOON. THEY GET IT.
GIVE ME A BREAK. YOU KNOW OUR KIDS. I LOVE THEM DEARLY,
BUT THAT GOES IN ONE EAR AND OUT THE OTHER.
I'M GONNA HAVE SOME ICE CREAM.
TOM, YOU'RE NOT OFF THE HOOK HERE.
LYNETTE, I CAN KEEP MY CHILDREN ALIVE.
WHEN YOU LEFT THIS MORNING, THERE WERE FOUR.
WHEN YOU CAME HOME, THERE WERE STILL FOUR.
WHEN YOU COME HOME AND THERE ARE ONLY THREE,
THEN YOU GET TO LECTURE ME.
EXCUSE ME.
ARE YOU BREE VAN DE KAMP? UH, YES, I AM.
MY NAME IS LEILA MITZMAN. I HOPE I'M NOT INTERRUPTING.
CAN I HELP YOU?
THIS MAY SOUND ODD, BUT I FELT I SHOULD SEE YOU.
I READ IN THE PAPER THAT YOU'RE ENGAGED TO GEORGE WILLIAMS.
OH, WELL, THAT ANNOUNCEMENT WAS A BIT PREMATURE.
BUT YOU AND GEORGE ARE INVOLVED...
IN A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP?
YES.
THEN WE NEED TO TALK.
WE'D BEEN DATING FOR SIX MONTHS
WHEN HE ASKED ME TO MARRY HIM.
FROM THE MOMENT I SAID "YES," GEORGE GOT SO POSSESSIVE,
AND WHEN HE FOUND OUT
MY EX LIVED JUST DOWN THE STREET,
GEORGE ACCUSED ME OF SEEING HIM BEHIND HIS BACK.
AND THEN ONE NIGHT, I GOT A CALL FROM THE POLICE.
SOMEONE HAD SET MY EX'S CAR ON FIRE.
I COULD NEVER PROVE ANYTHING,
BUT I KNEW IT WAS GEORGE. I LEFT HIM THE NEXT DAY.
WELL, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
I KNOW. IT'S UPSETTING.
YES, IT IS...
TO HAVE A COMPLETE STRANGER COME INTO MY HOME,
DRINK MY TEA,
AND THEN TRY TO TURN ME AGAINST
ONE OF THE SWEETEST MEN I HAVE EVER KNOWN.
HONEY, YOU GOT TO TRUST ME. GEORGE IS A WHACK JOB,
AND YOU SHOULD GET WHILE THE GETTING'S GOOD.
I THINK IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO LEAVE.
ONE TIME, I WAS TALKING TO A GUY AT A BAR,
AND WHEN WE GOT HOME, GEORGE SLAPPED ME.
WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT?
I SAY, GIVEN YOUR OVERALL DEMEANOR
AND YOUR FREEWHEELING USE OF EPITHETS,
I'M WILLING TO BET THAT HE WAS PROVOKED.
OH.
WHEN I READ THAT YOU WERE ENGAGED TO GEORGE,
I FELT IT WAS MY DUTY TO LET YOU KNOW HE'S CRAZY.
BUT NOW THAT I'VE MET YOU,
I CAN SEE IT'S A MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN.
(sighs)
I'M HERE. HI, MORTY, REVEREND HOPKINS.
I'M SORRY I'M LATE TO YOUR REHEARSAL.
OH, IT'S OKAY. IT'S ALL RIGHT. YOU'RE HERE NOW.
IT'S FINE. GO IN FRONT OF ME.
OKAY, REVEREND, HIT IT! (Wagner's "Wedding March" playing)
MOM, CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION?
YOU'VE GOT TO MARCH, SUSIE. GOT TO MARCH. OH.
OH. I WAS JUST RESEARCHING MY BOOK,
AND I FOUND THE STRANGEST THING.
NO ONE WITH MY FATHER'S NAME WAS EVER A MERCHANT MARINE.
OH, DID I SAY MERCHANT?
WELL, I JUST MEANT THE REGULAR MARINES.
OH, WELL, YEAH, I THOUGHT YOU PROBABLY DID.
SO I CHECKED THAT, TOO, AND HE WASN'T THERE,
AND SO I CALLED THE V.A.,
AND THERE IS NOT A SINGLE RECORD
OF ANYONE NAMED HARRISON ROSS IN VIETNAM.
THIS IS NOT THE TIME, SUSIE.
WHAT'S--WHAT'S THE HOLDUP, LADIES?
WELL, I'M SORRY TO UPSET YOU, MOM, I JUST...
DON'T YOU THINK THAT'S WEIRD?
WHAT'S--WHAT'S WEIRD?
WELL, THERE'S NO RECORD
OF ANYONE WITH MY DAD'S NAME IN THE ARMED SERVICES.
OH, WELL, THERE IT IS.
THERE WHAT IS?
MORTY, JUST GO ON BACK UP THERE.
LOOK, I'M--I'M NOT GONNA SAY THAT
I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN, BUT I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN.
MOM, I NEED ANSWERS.
DO YOU HAVE TO DO THIS NOW?
YOU ARE RUINING MY WEDDING REHEARSAL.
WELL, YOU'VE BEEN MARRIED FOUR TIMES.
I THINK YOU GOT IT DOWN.
I WILL NOT STAND HERE AND BE ATTACKED!
MOM, DON'T WALK AWAY FROM ME. OW!
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY?
YOU WANT ME TO SAY I'M A BAD MOTHER?
FINE! I'M A BAD MOTHER! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?
(crying)
MOM! MOM.
(Sophie crying) MOM.
YES, YES, I-I KNOW WHAT I'M GETTING INTO.
MORTY? MORTY, HAVE YOU SEEN MY MOM?
YEAH. YEAH, SHE SEEMED, UH,
SHE SEEMED PRETTY UPSET. I-I THINK--
I THINK SHE TOOK A CAB HOME.
YOU NEED--YOU NEED A RIDE?
I NEED TO YOU TELL ME THE TRUTH ABOUT MY FATHER.
HOP IN.
WHEN, UH, WHEN I WAS IN KOREA,
I WAS STATIONED OUTSIDE OF, UH, PUSAN,
AND WE'D, UH,
WE'D--WE'D GET THESE-- THESE PASSES, YOU KNOW,
AND WE'D-- AND WE'D GO INTO TOWN,
AND, YOU KNOW, WE'D HAVE A-- HAVE A FEW BEERS,
AND WE USED TO CALL IT R AND R
IN--IN MILITARY LINGO.
YEAH, WELL, I KNOW WHAT R AND R MEANS.
SO WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH MY FATHER?
WELL, THAT'S-- THAT'S WHAT I'M GETTING TO.
UM, A-ANYWAY, THERE WERE THESE--THESE YOUNG LADIES.
PROFESSIONAL...
LADIES IF--IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
MORTY... CAN--CAN WE JUST MOVE THIS ALONG?
O-OKAY. LONG STORY SHORT, I--IT'S JUST I NEVER FIGURED
THAT MY FIRST TIME WITH A WOMAN WOULD--WOULD BE IN AN ALLEY...
BEHIND A KOREAN NOODLE STAND WITH--WITH MY FATIGUES
DOWN AROUND MY--MY ANKLES.
OKAY, AGAIN, W-WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH MY FATHER?
WE--WE'VE ALL DONE THINGS THAT, UH, YOU KNOW,
THAT WE'RE ASHAMED OF.
I MEAN, YOU KNOW, WE ALL--
WE ALL HAVE SECRETS.
(clears throat)
YOUR--YOUR--YOUR FATHER WASN'T A WAR HERO.
AND HE--HE WASN'T IN VIET--VIETNAM.
WELL, WHY WOULD MY MOTHER TELL ME THAT?
UH, SOPHIE WASN'T-- WASN'T MARRIED TO YOUR FATHER.
I'M--I'M NOT-- I'M NOT SURE
SHE EVEN-- SHE EVEN KNEW HIS NAME.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT I'M THE RESULT
OF MY MOTHER HAVING A ONE-NIGHT STAND?
WELL, LIKE I--LIKE I SAID, WE'VE ALL, YOU KNOW,
WE'VE--WE'VE ALL DONE THINGS
THAT WE'RE-- THAT WE'RE ASHAMED OF.
GEORGE.
BREE. THIS IS A SURPRISE.
I'M SORRY TO DROP BY UNANNOUNCED,
BUT I JUST HAD THIS DISTURBING VISIT
FROM AN OLD FRIEND OF YOURS, A LEILA MITZMAN.
SHE, UH, SHOULDN'T HAVE CONTACTED YOU.
WELL, SHE DID, AND SHE SAID
SOME PRETTY HORRIBLE THINGS ABOUT YOU.
YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT SHE'S A RENOWNED LIAR.
THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT AT FIRST,
BUT THEN HAVING HAD TIME TO THINK ABOUT IT,
I CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHY SHE'D GO TO SO MUCH TROUBLE.
I MEAN, WHAT WOULD HER MOTIVE BE?
SHE'S OBSESSED WITH ME. SHE STILL WANTS ME.
WASN'T IT OBVIOUS?
NO.
THE WOMAN IS ABSOLUTELY CERTIFIABLE.
WHAT'S MORE, I CAN PROVE IT.
LEILA WAS A CUSTOMER HERE.
EVEN THOUGH SHE'S NO LONGER WELCOME,
WE STILL KEEP HER PRESCRIPTIONS ON FILE.
"FLUOXETINE, 100 MILLIGRAMS."
"RISPERIDONE, 250 MIL"-- I'M SORRY. WHAT IS THIS?
ONE IS AN ANTIDEPRESSANT FOR MOOD SWINGS.
ONE IS AN ANTIPSYCHOTIC
TO CONTROL HALLUCINATIONS.
LIKE I SAID, SHE'S A VERY TROUBLED LADY.
WELL, THEN WHY DID YOU DATE HER IN THE FIRST PLACE?
IN THE BEGINNING, YOU'RE BLIND TO THE FLAWS, RIGHT?
THAT'S TRUE... IN THE BEGINNING.
SO WE'RE GOOD?
(sighs) YEAH, OF COURSE WE ARE.
OH!
YOUR MAIL CAME.
YOU SAID YOU WERE LEAVING.
NO, I SAID I WAS GIVING YOU SPACE.
I DID. I WAS WATCHIN' YOU FROM MY CAR.
LOOK, THE GUY WHO BROKE IN STOLE ICE CREAM.
I DON'T THINK I'M IN ANY DANGER.
SO YOU CAN GO. I DON'T NEED YOU.
CARLOS SAYS YOU DO.
(sighs)
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
SHOPPING--NOT THAT IT'S ANY OF YOUR BUSINESS.
YOU SURE LIKE TO SHOP. YES, I DO.
THAT'S ALL I'VE SEEN YOU DO THE PAST DAY AND A HALF.
UH-HUH.
ALL THAT SHOPPING MUST BE MAKING UP FOR SOMETHING.
EXCUSE ME?
YOU KNOW, CARLOS HAS YOUR NUMBER.
HE SAYS YOU'RE ONE TOUGH COOKIE.
SO TOUGH, YOU DON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH YOUR FEELINGS.
HE'S A PERCEPTIVE MAN.
HE THOUGHT I WAS CHEATING WITH TWO GAY GUYS.
ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO GO WITH PERCEPTIVE? WELL, LET'S SEE.
IT'S BEEN WHAT, A WEEK SINCE YOU LOST YOUR BABY?
YEAH, SO?
SO I NEVER HEARD OF SHOPPING OUT THE PAIN.
WHY IS EVERYONE ON MY BACK ABOUT THIS?
I WILL DEAL WITH MY LOSS MY WAY, OKAY?!
(car door slams, engine starts)
(tires screech)
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
AH, I, UH, I JUST THOUGHT
I WOULD GO OUT AND LOOK SOME MORE--
I'M GONNA TRY THE PARK. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT?
WELL, YEAH. WELL, HE HASN'T REALLY BEEN SHOWING HIS FACE
IN THE DAYLIGHT, HAS HE?
OR WOULD YOU RATHER WE JUST LET CALEB RUN LOOSE?
HE COULD BE IN TROUBLE...
OR HURTING ANOTHER GIRL.
HE DIDN'T HURT MRS. SOLIS, MATTHEW.
HE WAS JUST HUNGRY.
YEAH, WELL, I WASN'T TALKING ABOUT MRS. SOLIS,
BUT YOU KNOW THAT.
(scales playing on piano)
(sighs)
SO ARE YOU STILL GOING TO BE MY MATRON OF HONOR?
OF COURSE I AM.
I'M NOT GONNA PRETEND LIKE
I'M NOT STILL A LITTLE FREAKED OUT. I AM.
BUT I DID A LOT OF THINKING ABOUT IT THIS MORNING,
AND I-I THINK I UNDERSTAND.
YOU WANTED TO PROTECT ME,
AND YOU THOUGHT I NEEDED A HERO.
I HAD ONE. YOU.
OH.
I WAS ALWAYS SO WORRIED I WOULD SCREW YOU UP.
WELL, I AM SCREWED UP, BUT IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT...
ENTIRELY. OH.
(telephones ringing)
HEY, STU.
YOU BUSY?
NO, JUST UPDATING MY BLOG.
'CAUSE I'VE GOT AN IMPORTANT ASSIGNMENT FOR YOU.
GREAT. I'M REALLY READY
TO TAKE ON MORE RESPONSIBILITY AROUND HERE.
YEAH, I APPLAUD THAT, BUT WHAT I NEED
IS FOR YOU TO HELP ME TO PROVE A POINT...
TO MY HUSBAND.
OH. YOU WANT TO MAKE HIM JEALOUS.
UH, NO. (chuckles)
ACTUALLY...
I NEED YOU TO KIDNAP MY CHILDREN.
STOP HITTING ME!
OKAY, SO WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO BE LOOKIN' AT?
JUST WAIT FOR IT.
OKAY, HERE HE COMES.
OW!
WHAT'S GOIN' ON?
I'M JUST TRYING TO PROVE A POINT.
HI...
LITTLE BOYS.
HELL, WHO IS THAT?
IT'S--IT'S JUST STU FROM OUR OFFICE.
YOU GUYS WANT TO GO FOR A RIDE?
AND IS HE ABDUCTING OUR KIDS?
MAYBE.
(Tom) THIS IS CRAZY.
WHY? ARE YOU WORRIED THEY MIGHT GET IN?
WE CAN GO TO THE, UH, CARNIVAL.
YOU LIKE CARNIVALS?
WE'RE NOT ALLOWED TO TALK TO STRANGERS.
RUN, BOYS.
SO, UH,
WHY DON'T YOU BOYS GET IN THE CAR...
RUN AWAY. RUN.
GET IN THE CAR, AND I'LL GIVE YOU SOME CANDY.
YEAH! CANDY!
WHY AREN'T THEY RUNNING AWAY?
WELL...
THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO BE SMUG.
CLEARLY OUR SONS ARE...
IDIOTS.
OKAY, OKAY, JEEZ.
HI.
OW!
(gasps) OH, MY GOD! (Stu) OW!
RUN, KIDS, RUN! RUN! NO, YOU DON'T.
OW! OW!
YOU PERVERT! OH, NO, YOU'RE NOT GOIN' ANYWHERE!
OH! AAH!
OH! OH!
OW! OW!
(laughter)
UM, A-ANYWAY, AFTER-- AFTER WE--WE WRAP THIS SHINDIG,
I'M WHISKING MY NEW BRIDE, UH, AWAY
ON A 4-MONTH CRUISE AROUND THE WORLD.
(oohs and aahs)
I-I WOULD HAVE BEEN HAPPY WITH A-A WEEKEND IN VEGAS,
BUT YOU KNOW... (imitates whip cracking)
ANYWAY, HERE--HERE SHE IS.
MY, UM, MY BEAUTIFUL BRIDE.
I WANT TO THANK EVERYONE FOR COMING,
AND ESPECIALLY MY MORTY,
WHO'S HELPED ME
BE A BETTER PERSON.
AND I WANT TO THANK...
MY AMAZING DAUGHTER SUSAN, AND TELL HER
HOW MUCH I APPRECIATE HER LOVE AND RESPECT...
BECAUSE I'M A HORRIBLE PERSON,
AND SHE DESERVES SO MUCH BETTER THAN ME.
(all murmuring)
HONEY, HONEY. NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
SUSAN NEEDS TO KNOW THE TRUTH.
YOUR FATHER...
WAS NOT A ONE-NIGHT STAND.
HE WAS 33, AND HE WAS MARRIED...
AND HE WAS MY BOSS.
(murmuring)
WHEN I TOLD HIM I WAS PREGNANT,
HE BROKE IT OFF, AND HE NEVER SPOKE TO ME AGAIN.
BUT HE GAVE ME MY BEAUTIFUL, INCREDIBLE DAUGHTER,
AND FOR THAT, I WANT TO THANK ADDISON PRUDY.
OH, MY GOD.
DO YOU KNOW WHERE HE IS?
I HAVE NO IDEA. I SWEAR, IF I KNEW, I-I WOULD TELL YOU.
UH, I KNOW ADDISON PRUDY.
HE RUNS THE FEED AND SUPPLY STORE AT THIRD AND SUTHERLAND.
(all gasp)
UH, PRUDY'S A FAIRLY COMMON NAME OF... SO.
IS THAT HIM?
YES.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT ALL THIS TIME
MY FATHER HAS BEEN ALIVE, AND JUST
RIGHT ACROSS TOWN RUNNING THE SUPPLY AND FEED STORE?
(sighs) SUSAN--
I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!
YOU'RE NOT--YOU'RE NOT STILL-- STILL SEEING HIM, ARE YOU?
(jazz music playing)
IS SOMETHING WRONG?
YOU'VE BEEN SO QUIET ALL EVENING.
NO, NO, I'M JUST TIRED, THAT'S ALL.
CARE TO DANCE? IT MIGHT PEP YOU UP.
I DON'T THINK SO. BUT THANK YOU, THOUGH.
BREE, WHERE IS YOUR RING?
OH, UM, THE-- THE STONE IS LOOSE.
SO I'M GONNA TAKE IT TO THE JEWELERS.
BUT DON'T WORRY, IT'S SAFE.
THIS ISN'T ABOUT LEILA, IS IT?
NO. NO. IT'S LIKE I TOLD YOU,
THE STONE COULD JUST POP OFF AT ANY SECOND.
WELL, I DON'T CARE. PLEASE PUT IT ON.
WHAT?
I WANT YOU TO WEAR IT.
WELL, I'M SORRY, BUT I'M NOT GOING TO.
WHY NOT?
BECAUSE I DON'T FEEL LIKE IT.
AND THIS IS THE LAST TIME WE'RE GONNA TALK ABOUT THIS, OKAY?
EXCUSE ME, MA'AM.
WE DON'T ALLOW MEMBERS OF ZETA BETA KAPPA IN HERE.
TY! TY GRANT.
OH, HI! WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN TOWN?
VISITING MY FOLKS.
OH, MY GOODNESS. OH, GEORGE, THIS IS TY GRANT.
WE USED TO DATE IN COLLEGE.
TY, THIS IS GEORGE, UM...
HE'S A GOOD FRIEND OF MINE.
ACTUALLY, WE'RE ENGAGED.
AH.
BREE, YOU LOOK FANTASTIC. YOU HAVEN'T AGED A DAY.
TY, WOULD YOU LIKE TO DANCE?
SURE. I'D LOVE TO.
LET ME TAKE YOUR COAT.
***
I NEED TO CUT IN.
GEORGE, WOULD YOU PLEASE SIT DOWN?
YOU'RE BEING RUDE.
AM I IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMETHING?
WELL, AT LEAST PUT ON THE RING.
NO. GEORGE, I DON'T WANT TO.
WE ARE ENGAGED. YOU HAVE TO WEAR IT!
HEY, KNOCK IT OFF, MAN. GEORGE, STOP IT.
I'M SORRY.
I JUST...
WE'RE ENGAGED.
SEE, THE THING IS, I DON'T THINK WE ARE ANYMORE.
BREE.
PLEASE... YOU SHOULD GO.
I'M REALLY SORRY.
OH, HI.
RIGHT OVER THERE, SIR.
MANAGEMENT LIKES US TO KEEP THE NICE CARS OUT FRONT.
(squealing)
AFTERNOON.
NEW HAIRDO? SO WHAT IF IT IS?
IT LOOKS NICE, THAT'S ALL.
YOU KNOW, I ALSO GOT A FACIAL,
AND LATER ON I'M GONNA GET A PEDICURE
AND AN EYEBROW WAX, SO THERE.
IT'S FINE WITH ME.
NO, IT'S NOT, BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.
YEAH? YOU KNOW WHAT?
I AM TIRED OF YOU JUDGING ME.
WHAT IS IT GONNA TAKE TO GET RID OF YOU, HMM?
WHAT'S YOUR LAST NAME?
RAMOS.
RAMOS. HERE IS $1,000.
I WON'T TELL CARLOS YOU DIDN'T STICK AROUND.
IT'LL BE OUR LITTLE SECRET.
I JUST GOT OUT OF PRISON.
I'M NOT EXACTLY SET UP WITH A BANK ACCOUNT.
CAN WE GO TO YOUR BANK AND CASH THIS?
AND THEN YOU'LL LEAVE?
HEY, IT'S A GRAND.
BUCKLE UP.
YOU DON'T HAVE A-A WINDOW THINGY.
NOPE.
YOU DON'T HAVE A DOOR HANDLE EITHER.
NOPE.
BUT I DO HAVE A CONFESSION TO MAKE.
CARLOS DIDN'T REALLY SEND ME TO PROTECT YOU.
GO FIGURE.
NO ONE ELSE IN THE PARK.
WE GOT IT ALL TO OURSELVES.
PERFECT.
WHY DON'T YOU GO FIND US A GOOD SPOT?
I GOTTA GET SOMETHING OUT OF THE TRUNK.
HEY, WHERE THE HELL YOU GOIN'?
YOU'RE NOT GONNA KILL ME?
I HADN'T PLANNED ON IT.
BESIDES, IF I WAS GONNA KILL YOU,
I WOULDN'T USE A BALLOON.
IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG.
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO THINK? YOU LIE ABOUT PROTECTING ME
AND THEN YOU LOCK ME IN THAT HEAP WITHOUT DOOR HANDLES
SO I CAN'T GET OUT.
CARLOS SENT ME TO HELP YOU WITH YOUR GRIEF.
YOU'RE KIDDING, RIGHT?
NO.
LOOK, I KNOW A LITTLE SOMETHIN' ABOUT LOSS.
IT CAN TAKE YOU TO SOME REAL DARK PLACES,
ESPECIALLY IF YOU DON'T FACE IT HEAD-ON,
LIKE 17 YEARS IN A 6x10 PRISON CELL.
DARK.
WHAT'S THIS FOR?
THE BALLOON REPRESENTS THE SPIRIT OF THE LIFE LOST.
BY LETTIN' IT GO,
YOU'RE ACKNOWLEDGING THE PAIN YOU FEEL
AND RELEASIN' IT AT THE SAME TIME.
OKAY, THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
BESIDES, I DON'T FEEL WHAT YOU THINK I'M FEELING.
THEN IT SHOULD BE REAL EASY.
FINE, IF I DO THIS, WILL YOU GO?
YEAH.
OKAY... SHOULD I SAY SOMETHING?
IF YOU WANT TO.
NOT REALLY, NO.
IT'S COOL.
ANYTIME.
THIS IS STUPID.
I DIDN'T EVEN WANT THIS BABY.
YEAH.
AND I WOULD'VE BEEN A TERRIBLE MOTHER.
IF YOU SAY SO.
IF IT WAS A BOY, I WAS GONNA NAME IT CHARLIE.
YEAH?
AND A GIRL, AURORA.
THOSE ARE NICE NAMES.
YEAH.
THANK YOU.
(barks)
(grunting)
WHAT IS IT, BOY?
(dog barking)
AAH! UGH!
WHAT'S GOIN' ON OUT HERE?
CALL THE POLICE. YOU NEED ME TO ZAP HIM?
JUST CALL THE POLICE.
(whimpers)
(chatter over police radio, helicopter whirring)
IS THAT THE GUY WHO BROKE INTO YOUR HOUSE?
UH, I DON'T KNOW. I CAN'T SEE HIM.
YEAH, THAT'S HIM.
IN A WORLD FILLED WITH DARKNESS,
WE ALL NEED SOME KIND OF LIGHT.
WHETHER IT'S A GREAT FLAME THAT SHOWS US
HOW TO WIN BACK WHAT WE'VE LOST,
OR A POWERFUL BEACON
INTENDED TO SCARE AWAY POTENTIAL MONSTERS...
(Boys) TWO, FOUR, SIX, EIGHT...
OR A FEW GLOWING BULBS THAT REVEAL TO US
THE HIDDEN TRUTH OF OUR PAST...
WE ALL NEED SOMETHING
TO HELP US GET THROUGH THE NIGHT...
EVEN IF IT'S JUST THE TINIEST GLIMMER OF HOPE.