(Mary Alice) PREVIOUSLY ON...
BUT NO ADOPTION AGENCY'S GONNA TOUCH US NOW.
THERE ARE WAYS TO GET BABIES, CARLOS. $20,000.
WHEELS WERE PUT IN MOTION... I LOVE YOU.
AW, THANK YOU.
I LOVE MIKE.
TRUE EMOTIONS WEREREVEALED... WHO THE HELL IS MIKE?
PERCEPTION IS REALITY, ANDREW.
MY NAME IS BREE, AND I AM AN ALCOHOLIC.
AND FALSE PRETENSES BECAME A WAY OF LIFE.
GABRIELLE SOLIS HAD ALWAYS BEEN A DEMANDING SHOPPER.
CARLOS, COME ON! THEY'RE HERE!
AND WHATEVER THE PURCHASE,
SHE ALWAYS EXPECTED THE VERY BEST.
WHETHER IT WAS EXOTIC PERFUME SHIPPED OVER FROM PARIS...
A HIGH FASHION GOWN STRAIGHT FROM A RUNWAY IN MILAN...
OR DESIGNER SHOES FLOWN IN FROM MANHATTAN,
BUT ON THIS DAY,
HER EXPECTATIONS WERE GOING TO BE PUT TO THE TEST.
YOU SEE, GABRIELLE WAS NOW SHOPPING FOR A BABY,
AND THERE WAS A PROBLEM...
WITH THE MANUFACTURER.
MOSTLY, I JUST WANNA FEEL LIKE I'M GIVING MY BABY
TO PEOPLE WHO HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO BE REALLY GREAT PARENTS.
WELL, YOU WON'T FIND ANOTHER COUPLE
WITH MORE LOVE FOR A CHILD. (chuckles)
ISN'T THAT RIGHT, HONEY? HONEY?
RIGHT. RIGHT, UH, LOTS OF LOVE.
(both chuckle)
HONEY, CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A SECOND?
YEAH.
OKAY. OKAY, LOOK, WE HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER MOTHER.
WHY? OKAY, THIS ISN'T EASY TO SAY, SO I'M JUST GONNA SAY IT,
BUT HAVE YOU TAKEN A GOOD LOOK AT HER? OH, MY GOD.
ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY THAT YOU DON'T WANT DEANA'S BABY
BECAUSE SHE'S PLAIN? NO, PLAIN I CAN HANDLE.
CARLOS, SINCE THAT WOMAN HAS WALKED INTO OUR HOUSE,
THE CLOCKS HAVE STOPPED WORKING.
NO ONE CAN PREDICT WHAT A CHILD IS GONNA LOOK LIKE.
FOR ALL YOU KNOW, HER KID COULD END UP WINNING BEAUTY CONTESTS.
WITH HER D.N.A.,
THE ONLY THING THAT KID'S GONNA BE WINNING IS BEST IN SHOW.
LOOK, CARLOS, I AM SORRY, BUT I WANT A PRETTY BABY,
SO LET'S FIND ANOTHER MOTHER. MNH-MNH. I'M NOT GONNA LET
YOUR SHALLOW OBSESSION WITH LOOKS SCREW THIS UP.
I WANT A CHILD--ANY CHILD.
FINE. JUST KNOW THAT IN A COUPLE OF DAYS,
WHEN THAT THING IS BORN,
AND YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO CUDDLE AND SNUGGLE UP
WITH SOMETHING WITH THAT FACE ON IT,
DON'T COME CRYING TO ME.
I'M SORRY.
NOW WHERE WERE WE?
WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT THE CUSTODY ARRANGEMENT
ONCE DEANA GIVES BIRTH.
IT'S USUALLY BEST THAT THE MOTHER
DOESN'T SEE THE CHILD AT ALL.
SO AS SOON AS THE DOCTORS FINISH GIVING THEIR INITIAL CHECKUP...
***
...THE BABY WILL BE HANDED OVER TO YOU.
YES, GABRIELLE HAD ALWAYS BEEN A DEMANDING SHOPPER.
SORRY.
BECAUSE SHE KNEW THERE ARE SOME PURCHASES...
THAT CAN'T BE RETURNED.
***
AT 6:10 THE NEXT MORNING,
DEANA PRUSE WENT INTO PREMATURE LABOR
AND GAVE BIRTH TO WHAT WOULD EVENTUALLY BE
AN INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BABY BOY.
(baby crying)
AT 11:43, DR. HANSON MILLS CUT THE UMBILICAL CORD,
FOREVER SEPARATING MOTHER AND CHILD.
AT THAT EXACT SAME MOMENT,
DR. RON McCREADY ENTERED THE PRIVATE ROOM OF SUSAN MAYER
WITH EVERY INTENTION OF SEVERING THEIR CONNECTION.
HEY THERE. HOW'S IT GOIN'?
GREAT. I'M ABOUT TO BE RELEASED.
OH, THAT'S TERRIFIC. WHO'S MIKE?
I...
WHY DO YOU ASK?
I DON'T KNOW. NO REASON.
AH, IT'S JUST, UM...
JUST BEFORE THE OPERATION,
JUST BEFORE YOU WENT UNDER, I SAID, "I LOVE YOU,"
AND YOU SAID, "I LOVE MIKE."
I DID?
OH, IS THAT WHY YOU HAVEN'T BEEN IN TO SEE ME SINCE MY SURGERY?
ANSWER THE QUESTION.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW A MIKE.
EVERYONE KNOWS A MIKE. YES, EVERYONE DOES KNOW A MIKE.
ACTUALLY, YOU'RE RIGHT. I DID KNOW A MIKE IN COLLEGE.
WE DID THIS PLAY TOGETHER, "PIPPIN." IT WASN'T VERY GOOD.
ANYWAYS, I NEVER THOUGHT OF HIM, SO YOU SHOULDN'T BE ACCUSING ME.
I WAS PROBABLY JUST HALLUCINATING.
FINE, FINE.
SO... WHO'S THE GUY YOU'RE MARRIED TO?
DAMN THAT NURSE HISEL!
OR SHOULD I SAY, "WHO'S THE GUY YOU'RE CHEATING ON?"
OKAY, YES, I DID REMARRY MY EX,
BUT IT WAS ONLY BECAUSE HE HAS GREAT HEALTH INSURANCE.
DID MISS BLABBERMOUTH TELL YOU THAT, TOO?
YOU--YOU COMMITTED INSURANCE FRAUD? ONLY IN THE LEGAL SENSE.
AND I JUST DIDN'T TELL YOU BECAUSE I WANTED TO PROTECT YOU.
SUSAN-- OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU SHOULD COME OVER TO DINNER AND MEET KARL, AND YOU CAN SEE
THAT THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING BETWEEN US.
SO WAIT, ONCE YOU'RE FULLY RECOVERED
YOU'RE GONNA DIVORCE HIM?
OH, YEAH, THAT'S THE PLAN. I SWEAR.
AND YOU SWEAR THAT YOU'RE NOT IN LOVE WITH ANYONE NAMED MIKE?
SURE.
OKAY.
COME HERE.
I BELIEVE YOU.
(man) NEXT MORNING, I WOKE UP IN AN ALLEY.
MY WALLET HAD BEEN STOLEN.
I WAS LYING IN A POOL OF MY OWN VOMIT.
THAT'S WHEN I KNEW I'D HIT ROCK BOTTOM.
OKAY, WHO'S NEXT?
BREE.
OH! UM, I COULDN'T POSSIBLY TOP THAT.
THANK YOU, THOUGH.
(indistinct conversations)
HI. BEFORE COMING TO THESE MEETINGS,
I NEVER REALIZED HOW MESSY SUBSTANCE ABUSERS CAN BE.
WE USUALLY LEAVE THE DOUGHNUT CRUMBS
FOR THE OVEREATERS ANONYMOUS GROUP THAT MEETS AFTER US.
YOU KNOW, JUST TO MESS WITH 'EM.
YOU'RE AWFUL.
SO... TELL ME, BREE, HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN SOBER?
GOSH, UM...
I'M NOT EXACTLY SURE.
OH. IS SOMEBODY STILL DRINKING?
NOW WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?
I'VE NEVER MET AN ALCOHOLIC YET
WHO DIDN'T KNOW EXACTLY HOW LONG IT'D BEEN SINCE HIS LAST DRINK.
OKAY, YOU GOT ME.
I'M NOT REALLY AN ALCOHOLIC.
YOU DON'T SAY.
IT'S TRUE. I'M COMING HERE BECAUSE OF MY SON.
YOU SEE, HE'S--HE'S TRYING TO TAKE ME TO COURT TO BECOME
AN EMANCIPATED MINOR, AND HE'S PLANNING ON LYING TO THE JUDGE
AND TELLING HIM THAT I AM SOME SORT OF DREADFUL LUSH.
SO I'M COMING TO THESE MEETINGS TO GIVE THE IMPRESSION
THAT I HAVE CHANGED. BUT YOU DON'T REALLY NEED TO CHANGE
BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ALCOHOL.
EXACTLY.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT...
HERE'S MY CARD.
AND IF YOU EVER DO HAVE A PROBLEM
OR YOU JUST FEEL LIKE TALKING, GIVE ME A CALL, OKAY?
I KNOW YOU THINK I'M KIDDING MYSELF,
BUT I'M NOT.
I'M NOTHING LIKE YOU PEOPLE.
I JUST DON'T HAVE A COMPULSIVE PERSONALITY.
HMM.
WORD IS OUT ALL OVER TOWN THAT YOU'RE UNHAPPY AT ZIMMS,
SO WHY NOT JUMP SHIP AND COME TO PARCHER & MURPHY?
I SWEAR, VERONICA, YOU WOULD FIT IN SO WELL HERE.
I DO NEED TO MAKE A CHANGE, LYNETTE,
BUT THE MONEY YOU'RE OFFERING...
YEAH, IT SUCKS, BUT THERE ARE OTHER PERKS--
THE EXPENSE ACCOUNT, THE CORNER OFFICE... I DON'T KNOW.
YOU'RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO GIVE ME SOME TIME TO THINK ABOUT IT.
FAIR ENOUGH, FAIR ENOUGH. OKAY, WHAT IS YOUR SECRET?
HOW CAN YOU EAT LIKE THAT AND KEEP YOUR FIGURE?
IT'S THE BREAST-FEEDING. IT BURNS SO MANY CALORIES.
IT'S LIKE HAVING A TREADMILL STRAPPED TO YOUR CHEST.
I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD A CHILD.
YES, MY SON DONOVAN. HE'S THE LOVE OF MY LIFE.
REALLY, VERONICA?
WELL, YOU KNOW, THERE'S ANOTHER PERK THAT I JUST THOUGHT OF.
(laughter)
OH, MY GOSH, THIS IS FANTASTIC!
THEY DON'T HAVE DAY CARE AT ZIMMS.
HOW CAN THEY NOT?
FOR WORKING PARENTS LIKE YOU AND ME, IT'S A NECESSITY.
SO IS THE POT GETTING SWEETER?
WOULD PEOPLE HERE BE COOL ABOUT MY BREAST-FEEDING DONOVAN?
THE GUYS AT ZIMMS WERE REAL JERKS ABOUT THAT.
PARCHER & MURPHY IS COMPLETELY MOTHER-FRIENDLY.
NO ONE WOULD SAY A WORD.
OH!
WHAT THE HECK, I'M IN.
YEAH? WELL, THAT'S FANTASTIC!
OH, MY GOD, WHOSE KIDS ARE THOSE?
(shouting and laughing)
I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA.
LET'S GO HAMMER OUT THE DETAILS. OKAY.
(Carlos) MM. OOH.
(Gabrielle) THESE CAN'T BE OUR ONLY CHOICES, MR. BEALE.
I MEAN, COME ON.
EACH GIRL IS UGLIER THAN THE NEXT.
LOOK, FINDING A GORGEOUS PREGNANT WOMAN WHO'S WILLING
TO GIVE HER BABY TO A COUPLE WITH A CRIMINAL RECORD
ISN'T EXACTLY A WALK IN THE PARK. I DON'T CARE IF IT'S A WALK IN THE SEWER.
WE ARE HEMORRHAGING MONEY INTO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT,
AND I EXPECT TO SEE RESULTS. YOU KNOW, MRS. SOLIS,
YOU CAN CATCH MORE FLIES WITH HONEY THAN WITH VINEGAR.
IF I WANTED TO CATCH FLIES,
ALL I WOULD HAVE TO DO IS CALL UP ONE OF THESE GIRLS.
TRUST ME, THE FLIES WOULD FOLLOW.
(intercom beeps) (woman) Excuse me, sir, there's a Libby Collins here for you.
I'LL BE RIGHT OUT THERE. UH, I TOOK THE LIBERTY
OF INVITING THIS GIRL DOWN HERE TO MEET YOU.
NOW I WOULDN'T EXACTLY SAY SHE'S A QUALITY HUMAN BEING,
BUT SHE IS ATTRACTIVE.
IF YOU DON'T RESPOND TO HER, I'M AFRAID I'M OUT OF IDEAS.
(sighs)
HE'S GOING TO DUMP US AS CLIENTS
IF YOU DON'T STOP BEING SO DAMN PICKY.
WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO STARE AT THIS FACE
FOR THE NEXT 18 YEARS.
I DON'T THINK NOW IS THE TIME TO SKIMP ON QUALITY.
(Mr. Beale) GABRIELLE, CARLOS...
I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET LIBBY.
(chuckles)
WELL, NOW, THIS I CAN WORK WITH.
SO GETTING PREGNANT
WAS THE WORST THING THAT COULD'VE EVER HAPPENED TO ME,
'CAUSE I WENT INTO DEBT AND I HAD TO STOP PERFORMING.
LIBBY'S A POLE DANCER IN A STRIP CLUB.
OH!
WOW, THAT--THAT SOUNDS LIKE INTERESTING WORK.
YOU'D THINK SO, BUT IT GETS OLD QUICKLY.
MY BIG DREAM IS TO BECOME A CHOREOGRAPHER.
REALLY? YEAH. I MADE UP THIS ONE MOVE.
IT'S CALLED "THE SERPENT'S TONGUE,"
AND ALL THE GIRLS AT THE CLUB ARE DOING IT NOW. IT'S SO COOL.
IF I HAD A POLE I COULD SHOW YOU.
WELL, WE'LL HAVE TO GO DOWN TO THE CLUB AND CHECK THAT OUT.
WE'LL MAKE A NIGHT OF IT. YEAH, WE'LL DO THAT.
SO, LIBBY, WHO'S THE FATHER?
HONESTY, I DON'T KNOW.
I MEAN, THERE'S A LOT OF GUYS WHO COME INTO THE CLUB,
AND THEY ALL BUY ME DRINKS,
AND SOMETIMES I GET A LITTLE BIT MORE FRIENDLY THAN I INTEND TO.
I HOPE YOU DON'T THINK I'M A SLUT.
NO!
NO. NO, ACTUALLY, ALL WE THINK ABOUT
WHEN WE LOOK AT YOU IS HOW PRETTY YOU ARE.
WELL, I'VE HEARD ENOUGH, MR. BEALE.
IF LIBBY HERE LIKES US AS MUCH AS MUCH AS WE LIKE HER,
WE SHOULD JUST GO AHEAD AND MOVE TO ADOPT HER BABY GIRL.
FIRST, WE SHOULD PROBABLY TALK ABOUT HOW MUCH MONEY I WANT.
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. (chuckles)
NOBODY'S BUYING A BABY HERE. THAT'S ILLEGAL.
MONEY CAN NEVER EXCHANGE HANDS.
LIBBY, YOU'LL MAKE A LIST OF YOUR EXPENSES,
AND THE SOLISES HERE WILL PAY.
OH, BUT CAN'T THEY ALSO BUY ME GIFTS?
I KNEW THIS ONE GIRL WHO GAVE UP HER BABY, AND SHE GOT A HARLEY.
WELL, I DON'T KNOW THAT WE CAN AFFORD A HARLEY, BUT I'M SURE
WE'LL FIND SOME WAY TO EXPRESS OUR GRATITUDE.
OKAY.
WHATEVER.
WELL, MY LUNCH BREAK IS OVER,
SO I HAVE TO GET BACK TO THE CLUB.
TILL I GET RID OF THIS KID, THEY GOT ME SLINGING DRINKS.
IT WAS REALLY NICE TO MEET YOU, MR. AND MRS. SOULLESS.
OH, IT'S ACTUALLY PRONOUNCED SOLIS.
SORRY.
SO WHAT KIND OF NAME IS THAT?
UH, IT'S MEXICAN.
BOTH OUR FAMILIES COME FROM GUADALAJARA.
HUH.
I FIGURED YOU WERE ITALIAN.
NOPE. LATINO. PROUD OF IT. (chuckles)
GOOD FOR YOU.
WOW, SHE'S... GORGEOUS.
YEAH. MY LITTLE GIRL'S GONNA INHERIT SOME WONDERFUL GENES.
IS THIS LIBBY'S REAL HAIR COLOR?
YES, IT'S ALL NATURAL,
FROM HER STRAIGHT TEETH TO HER "C" CUP.
AND I KNOW SHE'S ATHLETIC BECAUSE SHE'S A POLE DANCER,
SO I REALLY HOPE
THAT MY LITTLE GIRL INHERITS THAT AS WELL.
NO, THE ATHLETIC GENE, NOT THE POLE DANCING GENE.
(chuckles)
(Karl) SUSIE, BABY?
OH, I GOT YOUR CALL, UH... I THOUGHT I'D STOP BY.
I DIDN'T REALIZE YOU HAD COMPANY. HELLO, LADIES.
UM, WE'LL JUST BE A SECOND. JUST WHEEL ME.
BE RIGHT BACK.
JUST BE A SECOND.
DID HE JUST CALL HER "BABY"?
YEAH. WHEN DID THEY STOP HATING EACH OTHER?
I NEED YOU TO DITCH EDIE TOMORROW NIGHT
AND HAVE DINNER WITH DR. RON AND ME.
NOW WHY WOULD I DO THAT?
WELL, FOR STARTERS, BECAUSE YOU BANGED YOUR SECRETARY,
AND YOU OWE ME FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
I'LL BRING THE WINE.
WELL, YOU KNOW, BEFORE MIKE CAME ALONG,
I ALWAYS JUST ASSUMED THEY'D GET BACK TOGETHER. WHY?
I THOUGHT THEY ALWAYS ANNOYED THE HECK OUT OF EACH OTHER.
YOU DIDN'T KNOW THEM DURING THE GOOD TIMES.
I MEAN, THERE WAS SUCH A SPARK BETWEEN THEM, SO MUCH PASSION.
THEY WOULD ALWAYS MAKE EACH OTHER LAUGH.
YOU ACTUALLY TOLD DR. RON THAT YOU STILL LOVE MIKE?
OKAY, WILL YOU SHUT UP? IT'S NOT FUNNY. I WAS DRUGGED.
RIGHT. SORRY, SORRY.
SO HOW'D YOU GET OUT OF THAT ONE?
(sighs) I LIED AND I TOLD HIM I DIDN'T KNOW A MIKE.
EVERYONE KNOWS A MIKE. I AM AWARE OF THAT.
SO WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST-- BECAUSE I PANICKED, OKAY?
DR. RON HADN'T COME IN TO SEE ME SINCE THE OPERATION
AND I WAS FEELING INSECURE AND...
(whispers) I JUST DIDN'T FEEL LIKE THE TRUTH
WAS A LUXURY I COULD AFFORD.
(normal voice) YES, GO AHEAD. YOU MAY RESUME LAUGHING.
(laughing)
UH...
LADIES, ALWAYS A PLEASURE. AND YOU, I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.
WHAT?
THIS IS JUST A PRELIMINARY SKETCH,
BUT YOU SEE WHAT I'M THINKING OF?
I LOVE IT. I JUST LOVE IT. LET GET A COPY TO ED.
(cell phone rings) OH, SHOOT, I GOTTA TAKE THIS ONE.
I'M SORRY. IT'S TOM. THAT'S OKAY. MY NANNY IS HERE WITH MY SON.
I NEED TO GO FEED HIM ANYWAY. PERFECT! TAKE YOUR TIME.
HEY, HONEY. HOW'S THE BIG APPLE TREATING YA?
GOOD. DID THOSE, UH, SNOOTY CLIENTS LIKE YOUR PITCH?
WELL, THAT'S PERFECT.
EXCELLENT.
UH-HUH.
UM, I'M...
I'M, UM... I'M GONNA HAVE-- I'M GONNA CALL YOU BACK.
OH, MY GOD! (squeals)
HELLO THERE!
I THOUGHT YOU AND YOUR FRIEND MIGHT LIKE SOME SNACKS.
HE'S MY LAWYER, AND THIS IS PRIVILEGED COMMUNICATION,
SO GET OUT. ANDREW, THERE'S NO NEED TO BE RUDE.
THIS IS VERY KIND OF YOU, MRS. VAN DE KAMP.
WELL, I'M STILL APPALLED THAT YOU'RE HELPING MY SON
WITH THIS RIDICULOUS EMANCIPATION SCHEME,
BUT YOU ARE A GUEST IN MY HOUSE, AND GUESTS GET SANDWICHES.
YOU KNOW, IF YOU'D LET ME GO TO HIS OFFICE, YOU WOULDN'T HAVE
TO PRETEND TO BE NICE TO HIM. ANDREW, THERE MAY BE A JUDGE OUT THERE
STUPID ENOUGH TO EMANCIPATE YOU,
BUT UNTIL YOU FIND HIM, I RETAIN ALL MY PARENTAL RIGHTS,
ONE OF WHICH IS TO GROUND YOUR SORRY BEHIND UNTIL KINGDOM COME.
MR. BORMANIS, NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
AND, UM, PLEASE DON'T GET CRUMBS ON MY CARPET.
YOU HAVE GOT TO GET ME OUT OF HERE.
THAT BITCH IS DRIVING ME CRAZY.
THIS CASE IS NOT A SLAM DUNK.
HER DRINKING WAS SUPPOSED TO BE OUR SILVER BULLET,
BUT SINCE SHE JOINED A.A.-- WE'VE GOTTA DO SOMETHING,
BECAUSE IF SHE WINS, SHE'S GONNA OWN ME. MY ADVICE?
CONVINCE HER IT'S IN HER BEST INTEREST TO LET YOU GO.
YOU DON'T WANNA SEE THE INSIDE OF A COURTROOM. WHY?
IN FAMILY COURT, APPEARANCE MEANS EVERYTHING.
IF SHE CAME OFF ABUSIVE OR STONED OR EVEN UNCARING,
WE'D BE IN GOOD SHAPE.
BUT IF THERE'S ONE THING YOUR MOM UNDERSTANDS...
IT'S PRESENTATION.
MMM.
(playing classical music)
CAN I BORROW $50?
PURSE.
(stops playing) WHY DO YOU WANT SO MUCH MONEY?
I'M 19. SOMETIMES I NEED MONEY. DO I HAVE TO BE INTERROGATED?
YOU DO IF YOU WANT A DIME OUT OF ME.
WHAT'S IT FOR?
DANIELLE'S HAVING HER BIRTHDAY NEXT WEEK.
I JUST WANNA BE SURE I CAN GET HER A DECENT PRESENT.
WRITE HER A POEM. IT'S FREE.
(resumes playing piano)
IS THERE SOMETHING ELSE YOU WANT?
DO YOU THINK I LIKE TO BEG FOR MONEY?
I DO THIS BECAUSE YOU WON'T LET ME GET A JOB.
LOOKING AFTER YOUR BROTHER IS A FULL-TIME JOB
FOR BOTH OF US, AND YOU KNOW THAT. WELL, SCREW HIM!
MATTHEW! NO, I'M SERIOUS, MOM, BECAUSE WE HAVE BOTH
PUT OUR ENTIRE LIVES ON HOLD, AND FOR WHAT?
IT'S BEEN ALMOST A YEAR AND HE HASN'T GOTTEN ANY BETTER. I SEE HIM IMPROVING!
THAT'S BECAUSE YOU SEE WHAT YOU WANNA SEE!
IT IS TIME TO PUT HIM AWAY, MOM.
JUST LET SOME PROFESSIONALS TAKE CARE OF HIM.
WE WOULDN'T HAVE TO MOVE. WE COULD HAVE OUR LIVES BACK.
WHAT'S WRONG?
YOU FIGHTING?
NO, SWEETIE.
MATTHEW'S FRIEND DANIELLE HAS A BIRTHDAY COMING UP.
WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT WHAT GIFT TO GIVE HER.
WELL, I WAS THINKING JEWELRY...
SO 50 BUCKS SHOULD DO IT.
WHY NOT $20? YOU DON'T WANNA SPOIL HER.
ON PAGE 6 IS AN EXAMPLE OF THE NEW PRINT AD. CHECK IT OUT.
I'M THIRSTY.
OH, SHH, HONEY, EVERYONE'S WORKING.
I'M SORRY. THIS WILL JUST TAKE A SEC.
IS IT JUST ME, OR IS THAT BIZARRE?
IT'S BIZARRE. TOTALLY BIZARRE.
WE GOTTA MAKE HER STOP THIS. HEY, HEY, DON'T GET ME WRONG.
I FIND THAT AS BIZARRE AS YOU GUYS DO.
BUT RIGHT NOW THIS FIRM NEEDS VERONICA MORE THAN SHE NEEDS US.
TELLING A MOTHER HOW TO RAISE HER KIDS IS AN ACT OF WAR.
WE WILL LOSE HER. THE KID IS 5. IT'S DISGUSTING!
YEAH, WELL, WE'LL JUST ASK HER
TO KEEP THE BLINDS ALWAYS DRAWN WHEN SHE NURSES.
WE'LL STILL KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON IN THERE. IT'S A DISTRACTION.
AND GOD FORBID A CLIENT SEES HER.
OKAY, SO WHO'S GONNA TELL HER?
YOU'RE A WOMAN. IT'S EASIER FOR YOU
TO TALK TO HER ABOUT MILK AND BOOBS AND STUFF.
NO! NO, UH, PLEASE, DON'T MAKE ME DO IT.
WHY DON'T YOU HAVE JERRY TELL HER?
I MADE A PASS AT HER YESTERDAY. IT'D BE WEIRD.
YOU COULD DO IT WITHOUT OFFENDING HER.
COME ON, LYNETTE. TAKE ONE FOR THE TEAM.
OKAY. BUT FOR THE RECORD, THE TEAM IS MADE UP OF WIMPS.
WELL, THE TEAM'S AWARE OF THAT AND ACCEPTS YOUR LOATHING.
(chuckles)
YEAH? HI. NO. NO, NO.
WE WERE JUST OUT BUYING SOME STUFF FOR THE BABY. WHAT'S UP?
SERIOUSLY?
OKAY.
THANKS FOR CALLING.
WHAT IS IT?
THAT WAS OUR LAWYER. LIBBY REJECTED US AS PARENTS.
WHY? BECAUSE WE'RE MEXICAN.
WHAT?! WHY, I-- THAT'S DISCRIMINATION.
IT'S ILLEGAL. WE COULD HAVE HER ARRESTED. IT'S HER BABY.
SHE CAN DO WHATEVER THE HELL SHE WANTS TO WITH IT.
DAMN IT.
NO! NO, YOU DON'T JUST TOSS PEOPLE ASIDE
BECAUSE OF THE COLOR OF THEIR SKIN. WE TOSSED THOSE BIRTH MOTHERS ASIDE
BECAUSE OF THEIR APPEARANCE. WELL, THAT'S DIFFERENT.
WHY? BECAUSE I'VE READ THE CONSTITUTION,
AND IT DOES NOT PROTECT UGLY PEOPLE.
LET'S NOT FIGHT ABOUT IT. IT'S OVER.
LET'S JUST MOVE ON TO THE NEXT ONE. NO. NO, NO, NO.
I WANT THAT WOMAN'S BABY, AND I'M GONNA GET IT.
AND JUST HOW ARE YOU GONNA GO ABOUT DOING THAT?
WELL, FIRST OF ALL, I'M GONNA SHOW HER ONE OF OUR TAX RETURNS.
ONCE SHE SEES HOW MUCH MONEY WE HAVE,
I HAVE A HUNCH WE'RE GONNA LOOK A WHOLE LOT WHITER.
HEY, VERONICA. HI, DONOVAN!
MY, HE'S GETTING BIG. HOW OLD IS HE?
HE JUST TURNED 5.
OH, WOW, HE'S SUCH A BIG BOY. YEAH.
HEY, YOU KNOW,
BREAST-FEEDING ON THIS SCHEDULE MUST BE A REAL HASSLE.
I REMEMBER I USED TO EXPRESS MY MILK INTO A BOTTLE.
MADE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER.
IS THERE A PROBLEM, LYNETTE?
THE PEOPLE IN THIS OFFICE FEEL A LITTLE...
CONCERNED...
THAT YOU'RE NURSING A BOY OF DONOVAN'S AGE.
DO THEY KNOW BREAST MILK BOOSTS THE IMMUNE SYSTEM,
IT'S LOADED WITH VITAMINS, AND IN THE THIRD WORLD,
IT'S NOT UNUSUAL TO NURSE BABIES UP TO THE AGE OF 6?
YEAH, WELL, IN THE THIRD WORLD, THEY DON'T HAVE JUICE BOXES.
THIS IS DONOVAN'S DECISION.
HE WILL TELL ME WHEN HE'S READY TO STOP NURSING.
COME ON, BABY BIRDS DON'T JUMP OUT OF THE NEST.
THEY NEED TO BE PUSHED.
DID YOU ALSO KNOW
THAT BREAST MILK IS THOUGHT TO RAISE I.Q. SCORES?
(shouting and laughing)
YEAH, MAYBE IF YOU HAD WEANED YOUR KIDS A BIT LATER,
THEY'D BE MORE CIVILIZED.
OUCH.
I WILL NOT BE JUDGED BY YOU OR ANYONE ELSE,
AND IF PEOPLE DON'T LIKE MY BREAST-FEEDING,
THEY CAN TALK TO MY LAWYER.
(laughing) AND THEN SHE TOOK THE SALAD BOWL--
MM-HMM?
PUT IT ON THE FLOOR AND SAID,
"IF YOU WANNA ACT LIKE A PIG, YOU CAN EAT LIKE A PIG."
(snorts and laughs)
YOU KNOW, I NEVER THOUGHT I'D HAVE SUCH A GOOD TIME
HANGING OUT WITH MY GIRLFRIEND AND HER HUSBAND.
YEAH, WELL, BELIEVE ME, BEHIND ALL THE LAUGHS,
THERE'S STILL PLENTY OF BITTERNESS AND RESENTMENT. OH, REALLY?
YEAH. HEY, WHAT DO YOU SAY YOU AND I CLEAR THE TABLE
AND BRING ON DESSERT? NO, NO. I GOT IT, I GOT IT.
NO, HONEY, YOU'RE NOT GONNA DO ANYTHING.
YOU'RE IN A WHEELCHAIR FOR A REASON, OKAY?
WHY DON'T YOU LET KARL AND I DO THE DISHES?
ALL RIGHT, BUT IF I CATCH YOU GUYS IN THERE TALKING ABOUT ME,
YOU'RE GONNA BE THE ONE IN A WHEELCHAIR. OH, REALLY?
YEAH. MMM. YEAH?
WELL, I THINK MAYBE THE DISHES CAN WAIT FOR A SECOND.
(whispers) JUST A SECOND? (whispers) YEAH, JUST A SECOND.
(car approaching)
(water spraying)
WHAT THE HELL?
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
AAH!
JEEZ, AH, WE GOT A LEAK.
OH. I'LL SOP UP THE WATER.
WHY DON'T YOU SEE GO SEE THE GUY ACROSS THE STREET?
HE'S A PLUMBER, IN THE GRAY HOUSE.
ALL RIGHT. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
HIS NAME'S DELFINO.
WHERE'S HE GOING?
OH, WE'VE GOT A BIT OF A PLUMBING EMERGENCY.
SO YOU SENT HIM OVER TO MIKE'S?
OH, MY GOD. I AM SUCH AN IDIOT!
I WASN'T EVEN THINKING. KARL! OH, GOD!
THERE'S JUST SO MUCH WATER HERE.
WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? OH, OH!
HI, MR. DELFINO? MY NAME'S RON. MY GIRLFRIEND IS SUSAN MAYER.
YOU KNOW, FROM ACROSS THE STREET?
YEAH, YEAH...
I KNOW HER.
WE'VE GOT KIND OF A BURST PIPE.
OKAY, UM...
COME ON IN WHILE I GET MY TOOLS.
AND YOU CAN CALL ME MIKE.
OH! UGH!
OH, AH, OKAY.
I MADE IT.
SO... MIKE, HAVE YOU, UH, HAVE YOU KNOWN SUSAN LONG?
A YEAR AND A HALF.
AH! OOH!
DIDN'T SHE MENTION WE DATED?
NO, NO, SHE DIDN'T. SHE... SHE DIDN'T.
OH!
(thud)
CAN YOU EXCUSE ME, PLEASE? (clears throat)
THAT SMARTS! AAH!
(groans)
(panting)
LIAR!
I TAKE IT YOU MET MIKE. YEAH, I DID.
PLEASE, PLEASE LET ME EXPLAIN.
NO, JUST LET GO OF ME. OHH!
I'M SORRY. OKAY.
HERE, COME ON, LET ME HELP YOU.
HEY, GET AWAY FROM HER! ARE YOU OKAY? I'M FINE!
WHAT THE HELL IS THE MATTER WITH YOU? HEY, THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT!
THAT DIDN'T LOOK LIKE AN ACCIDENT.
OKAY, MIKE, JUST--IT'S OKAY. JUST GO HOME.
YEAH, GO HOME, MIKE.
YOU TOUCH HER LIKE THAT AGAIN, YOU'RE GONNA BE DEALING WITH ME.
YOU MIGHT WANNA GET OUT OF MY FACE.
OR WHAT?
(groans) OKAY.
(grunting) (Susan gasps)
RON, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
OH, MY GOD!
GUYS, STOP IT. STOP IT, RIGHT NOW! ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
I CAN'T BELIEVE I WASTED MY TIME WITH YOU.
YOU'VE JUST BEEN LEADING ME ON!
YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY STILL IN LOVE WITH THIS GUY.
ALL RIGHT, I'M DONE. NO, RON, DON'T GO!
DON'T CALL ME.
(engine starts) (Susan) OH, RON!
OH!
UGH!
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I THOUGHT HE WAS HURTING YOU.
WELL, HE WASN'T!
AND NOW MY BOYFRIEND IS GONE.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
(Pussycat Dolls) * DON'T CHA WISH YOUR GIRLFRIEND *
* WAS HOT LIKE ME?
* DON'T CHA WISH YOUR GIRLFRIEND
* WAS A FREAK LIKE ME?
OKAY, BUT THE POLE IS YOUR FRIEND, OKAY?
PUSH YOUR BOOBS UP AGAINST IT. OH, I CAN'T. THEY'RE NEW.
WELL, DO SOMETHING, CECILE.
I'M LOSING MY WOOD DOWN HERE.
WOW! THAT'S A KICKIN' OUTFIT.
WELL, THANK YOU, SWEETIE.
I CLEAN UP WELL FOR A WETBACK, DON'T I?
LOOK, I'M NOT SOME SORT OF RACIST.
I JUST WANT WHAT'S BEST FOR MY BABY GIRL.
I MEAN, WHY SHOULD I SETTLE FOR MIDDLE-CLASS MEXICANS
WHEN I KNOW I CAN FIND RICH WHITE FOLKS TO ADOPT HER?
PLEASE. DO I LOOK MIDDLE CLASS TO YOU?
WELL, YOU DIDN'T SEEM ALL THAT RICH IN MR. BEALE'S OFFICE.
I MEAN, WHEN I BROUGHT UP THE IDEA OF GIFTS
TO YOUR HUSBAND,
HE ACTED LIKE HE COULDN'T EVEN AFFORD A HARLEY.
SO IS THAT WHAT IT'S GONNA TAKE TO CHANGE YOUR MIND--A GIFT?
FINE. WHAT DO YOU WANT?
I DON'T KNOW.
YOU LIKE JEWELRY?
WELL, HERE.
ARE THESE REAL DIAMONDS?
HONEY, THE ONE IN THE CENTER IS 3 KARATS.
I NEVER TOUCHED A REAL DIAMOND BEFORE.
WELL, MY HUSBAND AND I CAN EXPOSE YOU
TO A LOT OF NICE NEW THINGS. WELL, ONLY IF I LET YOU HAVE MY BABY.
WELL, LIKE THEY SAY,
THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A FREE LUNCH.
OKAY.
REALLY?
JUST LIKE THAT?
JUST LIKE THAT.
OF COURSE, YOU PROBABLY SHOULDN'T TELL THE LAWYER
ABOUT OUR UNDERSTANDING,
BECAUSE THEN WE'LL HAVE TO DEAL WITH PERCENTAGES AND ALL THAT.
I ALWAYS HATED MATH.
WHAT'S WRONG?
YOU NEVER GAVE A CRAP THAT WE WERE MEXICAN, DID YOU?
NOT REALLY.
SO WHY PUT ME THROUGH THIS?
BECAUSE I THOUGHT,
IF IT LOOKED LIKE YOU WEREN'T GONNA GET MY BABY
THAT YOU MIGHT BE JUST A BIT MORE GENEROUS.
WOW. YOU'RE A LOT SMARTER THAN I THOUGHT.
I'M SMARTER THAN EVERYBODY THINKS.
(children laughing)
WHERE'S MY MOM? I'M THIRSTY.
OH, I'M SORRY, HONEY.
YOUR MOM... IS IN HER OFFICE ON A CONFERENCE CALL,
AND SHE'S BUSY, SO YOU'RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO WAIT, OKAY?
WHAT'S THAT?
THAT'S CHOCOLATE MILK. I SHOULDN'T BE HAVING IT.
HAVE YOU EVER HAD ANY?
MNH-MNH.
FOLLOW ME.
HERE. GO AHEAD, TRY IT.
COME ON, YOU'LL REALLY LIKE IT. I PROMISE.
COME ON, YEAH.
ALL THE GROWN-UPS ARE DRINKING IT.
YEAH, THAT'S GOOD.
JUST... CHUG IT ON DOWN.
GOOD.
YOU LIKE THAT?
WOULD YOU LIKE DESSERT OR ANOTHER GLASS OF WINE?
OH, NO, THANK YOU. I HAVE TO RUN. JUST THE CHECK.
I HAVE A CHARITY EVENT THIS WEEKEND,
AND I HAVE TO FIND A COCKTAIL DRESS
BEFORE THE STORE CLOSES.
BUT EVERYTHING WAS JUST YUMMY.
(Andrew) LOOKS GOOD ON YOUR ASS.
THANK YOU. YEAH.
UH, HEY, MRS. VAN DE KAMP.
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING? YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE GROUNDED.
I'M, UH, BUYING A BELT.
WITH WHAT? YOU DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY.
YOU TOOK THAT OUT OF MY PURSE. GIVE THAT BACK.
WE ARE GOING HOME. WAIT TILL I TELL THE JUDGE ABOUT
YOU STEALING MY CREDIT CARDS AND SNEAKING OFF.
IT'S GONNA DO WONDERS FOR YOUR LITTLE EMANCIPATION CASE.
I DON'T THINK YOU'RE GONNA LET THIS GET TO THE COURT.
OH, AND WHY IS THAT?
BECAUSE THEN I'D BE FORCED TO TESTIFY ABOUT MY CHILDHOOD.
SO? YOU HAD ONE OF THE LOVELIEST CHILDHOODS I'VE EVER KNOWN.
YOU SURE ABOUT THAT?
'CAUSE I'M STARTING TO REMEMBER SOME ABUSE.
ANDREW, THE JUDGE IS NOT SERIOUSLY GONNA BELIEVE
THAT I BEAT YOU.
OH, I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT THAT KIND OF ABUSE.
YOU KNOW, IT'S FUNNY...
THE ANGRIER I GET,
THE MORE THESE REPRESSED MEMORIES START TO COME UP.
(chuckles)
YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS.
LIKE, TOUCHING ME IN PLACES YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE...
NO ONE IS EVER GONNA BELIEVE A WORD OF THAT.
YEAH, WELL, YOU KNOW HOW PEOPLE ARE.
THEY MIGHT SAY THAT THEY BELIEVE YOU,
BUT... THEY'LL ALWAYS WONDER.
SO IF I WERE YOU...
I'D BACK THE HELL OFF.
COME ON, JUSTIN.
I'M GONNA BUY YOU SOMETHING PRETTY.
JUSTIN!
ON SECOND THOUGHT,
I WILL HAVE ANOTHER GLASS OF WINE.
YOU CAN LEAVE THE BOTTLE.
OH...
(gasping)
(mumbling)
OH!
HELLO?
(panting)
(grunts)
OH!
(telephone rings)
(ring)
YEAH?
Hi, it's Bree Van De Kamp. I didn't know who else to call,
AND, WELL, I'M IN A BIT OF A SITUATION.
WELL...
(laughing) HOW DID YOU GET STUCK LIKE THAT?
I WOULD RATHER NOT DISCUSS IT RIGHT NOW.
MAN, THE OTHER SECURITY GUYS ARE NOT GONNA BELIEVE THIS.
DO YOU MIND?
I'D PREFER IF YOU...
DIDN'T.
YOUR SON THREATENED YOU WITH "REPRESSED MEMORIES"?
OH, MY GOD, HE IS SERIOUSLY TWISTED.
I GOTTA MEET THIS KID.
YOU SOUND LIKE YOU'RE IMPRESSED.
I SORTA AM.
SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE DEFINITELY RAISING AN ALPHA MALE.
(scoffs) I'M RAISING A MONSTER, IS WHAT I'M RAISING.
IT'S NO WONDER I DRINK.
(sighs)
I DON'T KNOW WHY I SAID THAT.
MAYBE IT'S TRUE.
NO, IT MAKES IT SOUND LIKE I THINK I HAVE A PROBLEM,
AND I DON'T.
LOOK, I DON'T WANNA GET INTO A FIGHT OR ANYTHING,
BUT YOU PASSED OUT IN A DEPARTMENT STORE,
AND IN MY WAY OF THINKING,
THAT IS A PROBLEM.
TONIGHT WAS A VERY UNUSUAL SITUATION.
I WISH YOU COULD'VE KNOWN ME WHEN...
REX WAS ALIVE AND MY KIDS WERE YOUNG,
AND EVERYTHING WAS...
THE WAY IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE.
I THINK YOU REALLY WOULD'VE LIKED ME... SO MUCH.
I LIKE YOU JUST FINE.
REALLY?
BECAUSE I DON'T.
BYE.
MOM?
ANDREW?
CALEB?
HEY, DANIELLE.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
YOU REALLY HAVE TO GO HOME.
IF MY MOM KNEW YOU WERE HERE, SHE'D FREAK.
DON'T YOU WANT TO WEAR IT? NO, I DON'T. NOW PLEASE LEAVE.
I CAN HELP YOU WITH IT. NO! DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME, YOU FREAK?! LEAVE!
(Veronica crying)
HEY.
WHAT'S WRONG?
YOU CAN TELL EVERYONE IN THE OFFICE TO RELAX.
HE WON'T TAKE MY MILK ANYMORE.
ALREADY? (gasps)
I MEAN, I'M SORRY.
YEAH, I BET.
I MEAN, I'M NOT NAIVE.
I JUST DIDN'T THINK IT WOULD BE SO SOON.
OH, SWEETIE...
I KNOW THAT WE WANNA KEEP THEM YOUNG AS LONG AS WE CAN,
BUT KIDS GROW UP.
THEY JUST DO.
I KNOW. IF THAT'S NOT BAD ENOUGH,
NOW I'M GONNA GET FAT AGAIN.
HUH?
BREAST-FEEDING WAS THE ONLY THING
THAT KEPT THE WEIGHT OFF.
EVERY MEALTIME WAS LIKE DOING 30 MINUTES OF CARDIO.
NOW I'M GONNA HAVE TO JOIN A GYM!
WOW, THAT IS...
REALLY A BUMMER.
IT IS.
IT REALLY IS.
(sobbing)
HEY, UH, JULIE LET ME IN.
I CAN SEE THAT.
SO, WHAT, DID YOU RUN OUT OF STRANGERS TO BEAT UP
ON THE STREET, AND YOU'RE GOING HOUSE TO HOUSE NOW?
I FEEL REALLY AWFUL ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED.
IF YOU DON'T WANNA BE MY BOYFRIEND, FINE.
DON'T BEAT UP THE ONLY GUY WHO WANTS TO VOLUNTEER FOR THE JOB.
LOOK, I KNOW I OVERREACTED.
BUT COME ON, THE WAY HE WAS YELLING AT YOU?
I DESERVED IT, BELIEVE ME. AFTER WHAT I DID...
(sighs) GOD, THIS IS SUCH A MESS.
HE WON'T EVEN RETURN MY PHONE CALLS.
WHAT'D YOU DO?
I SAID SOMETHING TO DR. RON BEFORE THE OPERATION,
AND IT JUST... DEVASTATED HIM.
WHAT?
I CAN'T TELL YOU.
YEAH, YOU CAN. YOU CAN TELL ME ANYTHING.
YOU KNOW THAT.
MOM, UM, PHONE CALL.
IT'S DR. RON.
OH?
UM...
I NEED TO TAKE THIS.
(sighs)
YOU, UM, YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT THIS LATER?
NO.
NO, NOT REALLY. UM...
WHAT'S THE POINT?
(telephone beeps)
HI.
AT THAT PRECISE MOMENT,
AS DR. HANSON MILLS WAS CUTTING YET ANOTHER UMBILICAL CORD,
OTHER TIES WERE BEING SEVERED ALL OVER TOWN...
LIKE THE ONE BETWEEN A CHILD AND THE MOTHER
WHO DIDN'T WANT HIM TO GROW UP SO QUICKLY...
OR THE ONE BETWEEN A CASE OF FINE WINE
AND THE HOUSEWIFE WHO HADN'T WANTED TO ADMIT
THAT SHE HAD A PROBLEM...
OR THE ONE BETWEEN A WOMAN AND THE BOYFRIEND
WHO COULDN'T FORGIVE HER BETRAYAL.
THE CHOICE TO SEPARATE FROM WHAT WE LOVE IS PAINFUL...
HEY. HOW'S MY GIRL TODAY?
HOW ARE BOTH OF MY GIRLS?
THE ONLY THING WORSE...
WE'RE DOING GOOD. WE'RE DOING REAL GOOD.
IS WHEN SOMEONE WE'VE TRUSTED MAKES THE CHOICE FOR US.