PREVIOUSLY ON...
BREE'S ROMANCE WARMED UP.
OH, MY.
YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO GIVE GRACE EXPENSIVE GIFTS.
GABY GREW CLOSER TO HER BIOLOGICAL DAUGHTER.
I WANT YOU TO HAVE IT. YOU DESERVE BEAUTIFUL THINGS.
LYNETTE FINALLY GOT A NANNY.
TOMMY!
MOM! BUT THERE WAS A CATCH.
SUSAN ADDED TO HER TEACHING INCOME--
A SECRET JOB THAT MADE HER VULNERABLE...
OH! OH! It would be unfortunate
if anyone were to find out what I already know.
TO BLACKMAIL.
Imagine what your husband would think.
(Mary Alice) PAUL YOUNG WAS A FRUSTRATED MAN.
HE'D BEEN LIVING WITH HIS WIFE FOR OVER TWO MONTHS,
BUT SHE STILL REFUSED TO SLEEP WITH HIM.
HE TRIED EVERYTHING HE COULD THINK OF
TO PUT HER IN THE MOOD--
EXPENSIVE JEWELRY...
SECOND GLASSES OF WINE...
INSTRUCTIONAL VIDEOS.
BUT SADLY,
HIS WIFE'S RESPONSE WAS NEVER WHAT HE'D HOPED FOR.
SO PAUL DECIDED TO GET HELP
FROM SOMEONE SURE TO SYMPATHIZE WITH HIS SITUATION...
HI. I'M DR. GABLE.
ANOTHER MAN.
SHOULD WE GET THIS SESSION STARTED?
SO... WHEN YOU MARRIED PAUL,
IT DIDN'T OCCUR TO YOU HE MIGHT BE RELEASED FROM PRISON SOMEDAY?
NOT REALLY.
SO YOU WERE CONTENT TO MARRY A MAN
YOU COULD NEVER TRULY BE WITH?
I JUST WANTED SOMEONE TO CARE ABOUT ME.
I-I WASN'T REALLY INTERESTED IN ALL THAT OTHER S-STUFF.
"STUFF"?
MEANING SEX?
DO YOU NOT LIKE SEX?
I'M NOT... SURE EXACTLY.
I'M A VIRGIN.
OH, COME ON!
IT'S TRUE. YOU'RE 30 YEARS OLD!
I WAS SAVING MYSELF FOR MARRIAGE. GOOD NEWS. YOU ARE MARRIED.
TIME TO TAKE THE LID OFF THE COOKIE JAR.
STOP CALLING IT THAT. GIVE ME A COOKIE, AND I WILL!
OKAY, OKAY, LET'S TAKE A STEP BACK HERE.
THIS IS CLEARLY AN UNUSUAL SITUATION.
THE TWO OF YOU... NEVER GOT TO KNOW EACH OTHER
IN ANY TRADITIONAL SENSE.
MY SUGGESTION?
START DATING.
YOU WANT ME TO DATE MY WIFE?
YES. COURT HER. TAKE BETH OUT TO SOME NICE RESTAURANTS.
GIVE HER A CHANCE TO KNOW YOU
SO SHE CAN DEVELOP NORMAL ROMANTIC FEELINGS.
IN TIME, I'M SURE SHE'LL WANT NOTHING MORE
THAN TO SHARE YOUR BED.
I WOULDN'T MIND GOING TO SOME NICE RESTAURANTS.
FINE.
YES, PAUL YOUNG WAS FRUSTRATED.
BUT EVEN FRUSTRATED MEN...
F.Y.I., UNTIL I GET SOME ACTION,
IT'LL BE DUTCH TREAT.
HAVE THEIR PRIDE.
IT WAS THAT TIME OF YEAR WHEN PEOPLE FIND OUT
WHAT THEY'RE AFRAID OF.
FOR SOME, IT'S THE MONSTER IN THE BUSHES.
FOR OTHERS, IT'S THE SPIDER IN THEIR HAIR.
***
FOR A FEW, IT'S THE VAMPIRE IN THE DRIVEWAY.
YES, HALLOWEEN HAD ONCE AGAIN COME TO WISTERIA LANE.
AND THE ONLY THING THAT FRIGHTENED ONE WOMAN
WAS THAT SHE MIGHT NOT BE THE CENTER OF ATTENTION.
I'M HAVING A PARTY, AND YOU ALL HAVE TO COME.
DID YOU KNOCK?
DOUG AND I HAD HALLOWEEN PARTIES EVERY YEAR IN NEW YORK,
AND I FIGURED JUST BECAUSE I'M IN FAIRVIEW NOW,
DOESN'T MEAN I CAN'T CARRY ON THE TRADITION...
EVEN THOUGH THE FOOD'S NOT AS GOOD
AND THE COMPANY IS... (sighs) FAR LESS INTERESTING.
WELL, WHO CAN TURN DOWN AN INVITATION LIKE THAT?
WELL, GRACE IS SLEEPING OVER THAT NIGHT,
BUT WE CAN SWING BY AFTER WE'RE DONE TRICK-OR-TREATING
AND SHOW YOU THEIR COSTUMES.
JUANITA'S GOING AS A PUPPY THIS YEAR. SHE'S GONNA LOOK SO CUTE.
YEAH, SEE THIS?
THE TRICYCLE WITH A LINE THROUGH IT? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
NO KIDS.
THEY ALWAYS GET UNDERFOOT, THEY EAT ALL THE CANDY,
AND, UH, YOU CAN'T SWEAR IN FRONT OF THE LITTLE BASTARDS.
WELL, I'LL COME IF I CAN BRING KEITH.
GUESS ONE CHILD WILL BE OKAY.
I'M SORRY TO INTERRUPT. LYNETTE?
YEAH?
DID YOU BUY ME MY CHINA PEARL HAND CREAM?
I DON'T REMEMBER YOU ASKING ME TO.
BUT I GUESS I COULD GO AFTER WE'RE DONE EATING.
OH, ALL RIGHT. IT'S JUST THAT MY HANDS ARE SO DRY.
THEY'RE STARTING TO CRACK AND BLEED.
UH... OKAY. I'LL GO NOW. I'LL SEE YOU GUYS LATER.
JUST MAKE SURE THAT YOU WAKE UP PAIGE AT 3:00,
'CAUSE IF SHE SLEEPS ANY LONGER, SHE'LL BE UP ALL NIGHT.
ALL RIGHT, DEAR. OKAY.
OH!
(singsongy) A PARTY!
(scoffs) NO.
AS WEB SITES GO, IT'S NOT THAT POPULAR...
JUST IN ASIA AND PARTS OF EUROPE.
AND YOU CAN SEE THAT THERE'S NO NUDITY.
I WAS JUST CLEANING... IN MY UNDERWEAR.
OH, LOOK, MIKE. I KNOW THAT YOU MUST BE ANGRY.
I-IF YOU WANNA YELL, YELL. LET ME HAVE IT.
SAY SOMETHING, PLEASE?
I SHOULD'VE TAKEN THAT JOB IN ALASKA.
WHAT?
IF I DID A BETTER JOB TAKING CARE OF THIS FAMILY,
YOU WOULDN'T HAVE HAD TO RESORT TO THIS.
NO, NO! THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT! IT WAS MY STUPID MISTAKE.
I THOUGHT I COULD MAKE SOME EASY MONEY AND NO ONE WOULD KNOW.
I'M SO SORRY.
WHY'D YOU DECIDE TO TELL ME? DID SOMEBODY SEE YOU?
PAUL YOUNG.
OH, GOD.
AND HE'S... SORT OF BLACKMAILING ME.
HE SAID THAT IF WE DON'T SELL HIM OUR HOUSE,
HE WAS GONNA TELL YOU.
BUT I TOLD YOU, SO IT DOESN'T MATTER.
AND W-WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
NO, NO, NO! DON'T BE ANGRY. THIS WAS GOOD.
I'M NOT LYING TO YOU NOW.
WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT, PAUL DID US A FAVOR.
LOOK! NO! NO!
LOOK, LOOK, LOOK! WE'RE CLOSER THAN EVER.
SUSAN, GET OFF ME. VIOLENCE ISN'T THE ANSWER.
WE CAN'T LET HIM GET AWAY WITH THIS.
WE WON'T. I HAVE AN IDEA HOW TO GET HIM TO BACK OFF.
I'M LISTENING.
I CAN'T WAIT TO GO TRICK-OR-TREATING WITH YOU.
THIS IS WHAT I'M GONNA USE TO HOLD ALL MY CANDY.
UH, THAT'S NOT GOING TO CUT IT IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD.
LAST YEAR, I FILLED UP TWO PILLOWCASES.
WOW. (sets down pumpkin)
WHERE'D YOU GET THIS?
WHY?
THIS IS MY MOM'S.
NO, IT'S NOT.
THIS WAS A GIFT... FROM MY AUNT.
OH.
OKAY.
GIRLS, COME ON. MRS. SOLIS IS HERE.
HI, SWEETIE.
YOU AND GRACE HAVE A GOOD TIME?
IT WAS OKAY.
WHAT ARE YOU SMILING ABOUT?
I FOUND OUT SOMETHING ABOUT GRACE TODAY.
SHE'S A THIEF.
WHAT...
WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT?
SHE STOLE YOUR NECKLACE, SO I STOLE IT BACK.
NO! NO! NO!
I...
I MEAN... THAT'S VERY SWEET OF YOU,
BUT GRACE DIDN'T STEAL THIS. I GAVE IT TO HER AS A PRESENT.
WHY?
BECAUSE... I FELT SORRY FOR HER.
YOU KNOW, HER FAMILY IS POOR, AND WE HAVE SO MUCH.
AUNT ROSIE'S POOR, AND YOU ALWAYS HIDE YOUR JEWELRY BOX
WHEN SHE COMES OVER.
YEAH, WELL, GRACE ISN'T A KLEPTO WITH A METH HABIT.
SO DO YOU WANT ME TO GIVE IT BACK?
(sighs) NO. I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT.
(engine starts)
BUT NOW THAT I KNOW YOU'RE GOOD AT GETTING THINGS BACK,
NEXT TIME WE'RE AT AUNT ROSIE'S, I'M MISSING GOLD EARRINGS.
(door opens)
(door closes) AH! HERE YOU GO.
YOUR CHINA PEARL HAND CREAM.
THANK YOU, DEAR. I JUST USED MY LAST JAR.
YOU'RE WELCOME. (keys clatter)
SO HOW DID IT GO WITH THE BABY?
AND ON A RELATED NOTE, WHERE IS THE BABY?
UPSTAIRS IN THE CRIB.
OH. WHAT?!
SHE'S STILL ASLEEP?
YES, BLESS HER HEART.
I HAD TIME TO MEND ALL OF RODNEY'S OLD SWEATERS.
TOM'S SWEATERS,
AND I ASKED YOU, AND YOU SAID YOU WOULD WAKE HER AT 3:00.
OH, THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
I WOULD NEVER AGREE TO WAKE A SLEEPING BABY.
OH, SHE'S BEEN DOWN FOR ALMOST FOUR HOURS.
DAMN IT. SHE'S GONNA BE UP ALL NIGHT.
YOU STOP YELLING AT ME!
I'M NOT YELLING AT YOU. I'M-- YES, YOU ARE!
YOU'RE ANGRY AND YOU'RE SAYING IT'S MY FAULT, AND IT ISN'T!
YOU'RE A LIAR!
SUSAN.
HELLO. UM... WHAT'S THIS?
A PEACE OFFERING.
A WHAT?
PAUL, WE NEED TO MOVE PAST... THE PAST.
AND YOU HAVE BEEN A REALLY GOOD TENANT,
AND I APPRECIATE THAT.
YOU NEVER COMPLAIN. YOU'RE NEVER LATE WITH THE RENT CHECK.
IN FACT, YOU'RE USUALLY EARLY. AND WHO DOES THAT?
I'M JUST SO LUCKY THAT-- OH, DEAR.
WHAT?
IS--IS THAT A THUMBTACK ON THE WALL?
WELL, I TRIED WILLING THE CALENDAR TO STAY UP,
BUT IT JUST WOULDN'T COOPERATE.
OH, BUT, PAUL,
THAT'S A CLEAR VIOLATION OF YOUR LEASE AGREEMENT,
WHICH I HAPPEN TO HAVE... (chuckles)
RIGHT HERE. OH.
SEE? PAGE 2.
STRICTLY NO ALTERATIONS.
SO...
IT APPEARS THAT YOU HAVE 60 DAYS TO VACATE THE PREMISES.
BUT GOOD NEWS.
I THINK YOU'LL BE GETTING MOST OF YOUR DEPOSIT BACK.
I'LL JUST NEED TO DEDUCT
THE COST OF REPAIRING THE THUMBTACK HOLE.
VERY CLEVER, SUSAN, BUT DO YOU REALLY THINK
YOU'RE IN A POSITION TO BE MAKING SUCH DEMANDS?
WHY DON'T WE JUST AGREE
TO OVERLOOK THIS SLIGHT LEASE INFRACTION
BEFORE I CALL YOUR HUSBAND AND LET HIM KNOW
ABOUT HIS WIFE'S LITTLE CLEANING FETISH?
HE KNOWS, PAUL.
I TOLD HIM EVERYTHING,
INCLUDING THE PART WHERE YOU TRIED TO BLACKMAIL ME.
HE WASN'T HAPPY.
SEE THIS?
THIS IS WHAT I HAD TO PRY OUT OF HIS HAND
SO YOU WOULDN'T NEED A PARAMEDIC TO PRY IT OUT OF YOUR SKULL.
ALLOW ME TO DEMONSTRATE.
THIS...
IS YOU.
THIS IS YOU IF YOU TELL ANYONE AND MIKE FINDS OUT.
I UNDERSTAND.
DON'T FORGET. 60 DAYS.
OH! AND ENJOY THOSE RAISIN MUFFINS.
AT LEAST, I HOPE THEY'RE ALL RAISINS.
MY APARTMENT HAS RATS.
(door closes)
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE FINALLY GONNA SEE MY APARTMENT.
ME NEITHER, BUT AS YOU SAID,
WE NEED TO GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER BETTER.
SO... (sighs)
HERE GOES.
OH, MY GOD.
WHAT'S WRONG? WELL, YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND.
I HAD THIS WHOLE FROZEN SMILE READY.
I WAS EXPECTING A BACHELOR PAD--
YOU KNOW, PIZZA BOXES, DIRTY UNDERWEAR,
NEON BEER CLOCK. BUT LOOK AT THIS PLACE.
IT'S TASTEFULLY DECORATED
AND SMELLS... (inhales deeply)
OH, MY. IS THAT POTPOURRI?
I JUST SWITCHED TO THE... AUTUMN BLEND.
TAKE ME... RIGHT NOW... ON THE TABLE.
SHOULD I USE A PLACE MAT?
(chuckles)
MMM. MMM.
HELLO.
THAT IS MIMI, MY ROOMMATE.
SEE YA.
(chuckles)
WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE
THAT FROZEN SMILE CAME IN HANDY AFTER ALL.
(wolf howls)
I HAVE TO SAY, YOU DO KEEP ME ON MY TOES.
THIS IS AN UNEXPECTED SPOT FOR A FIRST DATE.
WELL, I KNOW IT SOUNDS CORNY.
BUT YOU TAKE A GIRL TO A HAUNTED HOUSE,
AND SHE'LL PROBABLY WANNA GRAB ONTO YOU.
HEY, THAT PUMPKIN BREAD LOOKS PRETTY GOOD.
WHY DON'T YOU GET US A COUPLE OF SLICES?
SURE.
(children shouting playfully)
SO... ARE YOU AN OAKRIDGE PARENT?
OH, YES. WE LOVE THE SCHOOL.
ARE YOU THINKING OF SENDING YOUR CHILD THERE?
I DON'T THINK SO.
MY FAMILY VALUES ARE QUITE TRADITIONAL.
I HAPPENED TO HEAR SOME INFORMATION ABOUT
THE AFTER-SCHOOL ACTIVITIES OF ONE OF THE TEACHERS.
AND LET'S JUST SAY... IT WAS TROUBLING.
WHAT KIND OF INFORMATION?
ARE YOU FAMILIAR WITH A, UM, MRS. DELFINO?
(Paige crying) OHH.
(tune of Brahms' "Lullaby") * GO TO SLEEP, GO TO SLEEP
* THIS IS ALL GRANDMA'S FAULT
* GO TO SLEEP, GO TO SLEEP
(crying continues)
* WHY CAN'T SHE PUT HER THINGS AWAY? *
(humming Brahms' "Lullaby")
(stops humming)
(sets jar down)
(click)
YOU OKAY?
WHAT TIME IS IT?
4:12.
I'M SORRY TO WAKE YOU UP, BUT I AM WORRIED ABOUT YOUR MOM.
I DON'T THINK SHE'S ALL THERE.
YOU WOKE ME UP AT 4:00 A.M. TO BITCH ABOUT MY MOM?
YOU COULDN'T DO THAT DURING BUSINESS HOURS?
NO. LISTEN. SHE SENT ME OUT TO BUY HAND CREAM
WHEN SHE ALREADY HAD TEN JARS.
SHE FORGOT TO WAKE UP THE BABY. SHE'S OLDER. SHE FORGETS SOME THINGS.
NO! SHE ALSO HAS THESE...
(exhales deeply)
INTENSE MOOD SWINGS.
I MEAN, TODAY, SHE ALMOST TOOK MY HEAD OFF FOR NO REASON.
WELL, SHE'S-- AND THEN--
AND THEN SHE LOOKED LIKE SHE WAS GONNA BURST INTO TEARS.
SHE'S AWAY FROM HOME. SHE ISN'T USED TO ALL THIS CHAOS.
OKAY. I GET IT.
SHE'S YOUR MOM, AND YOU LOVE HER,
AND YOU CAN LOOK FOR AN EXCUSE FOR EVERY ONE OF THESE THINGS.
BUT I THINK THERE'S MORE GOING ON HERE
THAN JUST HER BEING A LITTLE FORGETFUL.
UGH.
(sighs)
YOUR LIGHT'S ON.
HEY, MOM.
MMM. MWAH.
HOW YOU DOING?
YOU OKAY?
YES.
WHY DO YOU ASK? IS SOMETHING WRONG?
YOU JUST SEEM A LITTLE...
A LITTLE SCATTERED LATELY.
H-HAVE YOU NOTICED THAT?
THERE'S MY LITTLE WORRYWART.
REMEMBER WHEN YOU WERE AT CAMP KICKAPOO?
YOU WERE SURE HURRICANE BELLE HAD KILLED US ALL
EVEN THOUGH IT WAS OFF THE COAST OF GEORGIA.
A-AND THAT--THAT MEAN COUNSELOR BOB WOULDN'T LET ME CALL YOU.
HIS NAME WAS ANDY.
MY GOD, YOU'RE RIGHT. AND YOU DID CALL.
YOU EVEN MADE ME PUT THE DOG ON THE PHONE.
WHICH YOU DID. (laughs)
(laughs) NO. I JUST BARKED A COUPLE OF TIMES.
RUFF RUFF! (laughs)
SPARKY WAS ASLEEP.
OH, I BETTER GO GET DRESSED.
I TOLD PENNY I'D HELP HER WITH HER COSTUME.
OKAY.
DID YOU SEE THAT?
SHE'S REMEMBERING THINGS THAT I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER.
YEAH, BUT IT'S 9:00 IN THE MORNING, AND...
AND WHAT?
I'VE BEEN DOING A LITTLE RESEARCH,
AND THERE IS THIS THING CALLED SUNDOWNING.
A LOT OF PEOPLE WITH DEMENTIA DON'T SHOW SIGNS IN THE DAY.
IT'S ONLY AT NIGHT THAT THEY GET CONFUSED.
DID YOU NOT JUST HEAR HER? MY MOTHER IS NOT SENILE.
LET'S BE HONEST.
YOU'VE BEEN TRYING TO GET HER OUT OF THIS HOUSE
EVER SINCE SHE WALKED IN. YOU THINK THIS IS A TACTIC?
THE OTHER DAY, SHE MADE TEA THEN LEFT THE STOVE ON FOR AN HOUR.
(sighs) THERE HAS BEEN A LOT OF STUFF LIKE THAT,
AND I'M STARTING TO GET WORRIED.
MAYBE WE SHOULD TAKE HER TO THE DOCTOR.
NO!
TOM-- NO!
UNTIL WE KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON,
I DON'T FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH HER WATCHING THE BABY.
THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH MY MOTHER, OKAY?
SO JUST DROP IT!
(dishes clattering)
MORNING. DO YOU WANT SOMETHING TO EAT OR SOME TEA?
OH. TEA WOULD BE LOVELY.
HOW DO YOU TAKE IT?
WITH AN EXPLANATION.
I'M SORRY. KEITH DIDN'T TELL ME THAT HE HAD A FEMALE ROOMMATE.
AND, YES, HE SAID THAT YOU TWO NEVER SLEPT TOGETHER--
WELL, EXCEPT FOR THOSE TWO TIMES.
WHAT?! WE NEVER HAD SEX!
(chuckles) THAT'S REALLY WHAT HE SAID.
I JUST NEEDED TO SEE YOUR REACTION
TO KNOW THAT IT WAS TRUE. NICELY DONE.
THANK YOU.
BY THE WAY, YOU DON'T NEED TO WORRY ABOUT OTHER WOMEN.
THE GUY NEVER STOPS TALKING ABOUT YOU.
OH, THAT'S GOOD TO HEAR.
WELL, I'M GONNA GRAB A SHOWER.
HERE'S YOUR TEA. WATER WILL BE READY IN A MINUTE.
OH, AND, UH, WHEN KEITH WAKES UP,
COULD YOU JUST GIVE HIM HIS MAIL? SURE.
I KNOW YOU DIDN'T COME TO DELIVER YOUR R.S.V.P. IN PERSON.
WHAT'S UP?
WELL, I NEED TO ASK YOU SOMETHING.
IN THE TIME THAT YOU AND KEITH SPENT TOGETHER,
DID YOU EVER HAVE THE SENSE THAT HE MIGHT BE--
INTO BONY OLD WHITE LADIES?
DEFINITELY.
NO, WHAT I WAS WONDERING IS,
HAVE YOU EVER GOTTEN A VIBE THAT HE MIGHT BE A LITTLE... CRAZY?
OH. WELL, LET ME THINK.
OUR FIRST DATE WAS CUT SHORT
WHEN YOU SABOTAGED YOUR OWN SPRINKLER SYSTEM.
OUR SECOND WAS DERAILED
WHEN YOU TERRORIZED ME WITH A LITTLE PERSON.
NO, I THINK THE VIBE I PICKED UP IS YOU'RE CRAZY.
RENEE, YOU'RE NOT BEING VERY HELPFUL.
FINE. YOU WANNA TELL ME WHAT THIS IS ABOUT?
I'M TRYING TO FIND OUT IF HE'S DANGEROUS.
I RECENTLY DISCOVERED THAT HE IS ON PROBATION FOR ASSAULT.
OH. THAT?
YOU KNOW ABOUT IT?
YEAH. IT HAPPENED AT THE BAR WHERE I MET HIM.
ABOUT A YEAR AGO, HE BROUGHT HIS GIRLFRIEND THERE.
SOME GUY STARTED HITTING ON HER, SO KEITH FLATTENED HIM.
KEITH TOLD YOU THAT?
NO, THE BARTENDER DID.
I ALWAYS CHECK OUT THE GUYS BEFORE I BRING 'EM HOME.
DON'T WANNA END UP HANDCUFFED TO MY BED FOR THREE DAYS...
AGAIN.
SO... KEITH WAS DEFENDING HIS GIRLFRIEND.
WELL, IT'S NICE TO KNOW THAT CHIVALRY ISN'T DEAD.
BUT THERE IS ANOTHER WAY TO FIND OUT IF HE'S VIOLENT.
HOW?
WELL, START A FIGHT WITH HIM. IF HE SLUGS YOU, HE'S VIOLENT.
WHOEVER LEFT YOU HANDCUFFED TO THE BED FOR THREE DAYS...
HE HAS MY RESPECT.
(puckers lips)
NOW, GRACE, THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I'VE MADE A COSTUME,
SO IF YOU HATE IT, JUST TELL ME.
(Grace) I LOVE IT.
I'VE NEVER HAD SUCH A PRETTY COSTUME BEFORE.
THANK YOU! YOU'RE THE COOLEST MOM EVER!
LOOK, MOMMY! WOOF! WOOF!
YOU'RE ADORABLE!
(laughs)
(gasps)
OH, GRACE.
YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.
LIKE A REAL PRINCESS.
I FEEL LIKE ONE.
OHH.
WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT EVERY PRINCESS NEEDS?
LOOK, I CAN ALSO WAG MY TAIL.
OKAY, HANG ON, SWEETIE.
NOW ONCE I PUT THIS ON, I'M GONNA STYLE YOUR HAIR AROUND IT. OKAY.
CAN YOU STYLE MY HAIR?
BUT, SWEETIE, IT DOESN'T EVEN SHOW.
BUT I AM GONNA GO OVER YOU WITH A LINT ROLLER.
I WANNA BE A PRINCESS.
WHAT? ALL YOU'VE TALKED ABOUT FOR THE LAST FOUR MONTHS
IS HOW MUCH YOU WANTED TO GO AS A DOG.
I CHANGED MY MIND.
WELL, I'M SORRY.
YOU'RE EITHER GOING AS A DOG OR A LITTLE MEXICAN GIRL.
AND IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD,
WE BOTH KNOW WHICH ONE'S GETTING MORE CANDY.
LET'S GO TO THE MIRROR, SWEETIE. OKAY. OKAY.
SO YOUR PUMPKIN CAN HAVE A HAPPY FACE OR A SCARY FACE.
MS. DELFINO?
PRINCIPAL HOBSON WOULD LIKE TO SEE YOU.
HE SEEMS UPSET ABOUT SOMETHING.
(banging)
(door opens)
THERE YOU ARE.
YOUR SON'S BEEN WAITING FOUR MILLION YEARS
TO GO TRICK-OR-TREATING.
ME WANT CANDY. UGH!
OHH. OKAY, SWEETIE.
WHY DON'T YOU GO GET YOUR TENNIS SHOES ON AND WE'LL GO?
WHAT'S WITH THE BOX? (sighs)
YOU OKAY?
I GOT FIRED.
WHAT?
THEY FOUND OUT ABOUT THE WEB SITE.
(groans)
PAUL!
THIS TIME, I'M GONNA KILL HIM, AND YOU'RE NOT STOPPING ME.
MIKE, NO. IT--IT WASN'T HIM.
ONE OF THE MOMS CALLED THE SCHOOL,
PROBABLY CAUGHT HER HUSBAND WATCHING IT OR SOMETHING.
(sighs)
SO WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?
WE CAN'T MAKE IT ON WHAT I'M BRINGING IN.
I'LL FIND ANOTHER JOB.
I'LL...
YOU'LL WHAT?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I'M CALLING TOMMY GLENN IN ALASKA.
HE SAID WHENEVER I WAS READY-- NO ALASKA.
YOU'LL BE GONE THREE MONTHS. YOU CAN'T DO THAT TO M.J.
DO WHAT? MAKE AN HONEST LIVING?
HOW MUCH THOUGHT DID YOU GIVE M.J.
WHEN YOU WERE DANCING AROUND IN YOUR UNDERWEAR?
PLEASE DON'T SAY THAT.
AND NOW ONE OF THE MOMS AT THE SCHOOL KNOWS,
SO THERE'S A PRETTY GOOD CHANCE HE'S GONNA HEAR ABOUT IT.
NO, SUSAN, YOU DON'T GET TO MAKE THE DECISIONS
ABOUT WHAT'S BEST FOR THIS FAMILY ANYMORE. I DO.
TAKE M.J. TRICK-OR-TREATING. I'M GONNA MAKE THIS PHONE CALL.
I HAD A LOVELY TIME AT DINNER TONIGHT.
IT WAS NICE TO HEAR ALL THOSE STORIES ABOUT YOUR CHILDHOOD.
IT WAS NICE TELLING THEM. THOSE WERE HAPPY DAYS.
I LIKED REMEMBERING THEM.
CAN I GIVE YOU AN ODD COMPLIMENT?
WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT THE PAST, IT CHANGES HOW YOU LOOK.
YOU'RE NOT SO...
INTIMIDATING.
WELL, THAT IS AN ODD COMPLIMENT.
BUT I... APPRECIATE IT.
W-W-WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I WAS RESPONDING TO WHAT I THOUGHT WAS A SIGNAL FROM YOU.
I WASN'T SIGNALING FOR YOU
TO TRY TO JAM YOUR TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT.
BETH, I'M NOT SOME KIND OF ANIMAL
TRYING TO SATISFY ITS URGES. IF I WAS,
I COULD'VE GONE TO A BAR OR ANY STREET CORNER WEEKS AGO. THEN WHAT DO YOU WANT?
I WANNA CONNECT WITH YOU, TO HAVE A REAL MARRIAGE.
AND, YES, SEX IS PART OF THAT. BUT THERE'S MORE.
WITH WHAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH,
I NEED A PARTNER BY MY SIDE, SOMEONE THAT I CAN TRUST.
I THINK YOU CAN BE THAT PERSON.
THE QUESTION IS...
DO YOU?
(gasps) (slap)
(gasps)
I WANT YOU GONE BY THE END OF THE WEEK.
TRICK OR TREAT! TRICK OR TREAT!
COME ON!
(children shouting playfully)
(singsongy) TRICK OR TREAT!
(laughs)
(singsongy) OH, HERE YOU GO!
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
***
(doorbell rings)
(indistinct conversations)
(breathy voice) WELCOME! WELCOME! (giggles)
RENEE, I LOVE YOUR COSTUME.
WHO ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE? AH.
* HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
* HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MR. PRESIDENT *
MICHELLE OBAMA. COOL.
(chuckles)
(normal voice) CLEARLY, HE'S COME AS ONE OF HELL'S IDIOTS.
OH, IT LOOKS LIKE WE'RE GONNA RUN OUT OF CANDY.
I THINK I'D BETTER HEAD TO THE STORE.
NO, WE ARE VETERANS AT THE CANDY GAME, MOM.
WE GOT LOADS OF BACKUP IN THE CUPBOARD. MMM. (kisses)
(chuckles) (lowers voice) PLUS I ALWAYS KEEP A STASH IN MY GOLF BAG.
OH, YOU AND YOUR SWEET TOOTH. (laughs) (laughs)
(doorbell rings)
(gasps) OH! OH! (singsongy) MORE CUSTOMERS!
DON'T FORGET TO SAY "THANK YOU."
AND, CELIA, STOP MOOING. YOU'RE A CAT, REMEMBER?
(girls, singsongy) TRICK OR TREAT!
OH! HOW PRECIOUS! (laughs)
YOU'RE TOM'S MOTHER, RIGHT? I'M GABY. WE MET THE OTHER DAY.
OF COURSE. UH, THIS MUST BE YOUR BEAUTIFUL LITTLE PRINCESS.
YOU'RE AS PRETTY AS YOUR MOMMY, AREN'T YOU?
NO. NO. MY DAUGHTER'S A DOG. THE DOG. THAT DOG.
OH.
IT'S CHEAPER THAN THERAPY.
(door closes)
OH, DEAR. WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF CANDY.
I SHOULD TAKE A LITTLE WALK TO THE STORE.
I THINK WE HAVE MORE SOMEWHERE.
DON'T YOU WORRY. GRANDMA'S GONNA TAKE CARE OF IT.
(door closes)
***
(breathy voice) * HAPPY BIRTH--
(normal voice) SON OF A BITCH.
***
HEY...
THANKS FOR CHEERING FOR ME AT THE BIG GAME TODAY, HUH?
MY PLEASURE. GO TEAM.
AND, UH, SINCE I SCORED THE WINNING TOUCHDOWN,
DON'T I GET A KISS OR SOMETHING?
OH, I'M AFRAID NOT.
I'M ALREADY GOING TO THE PROM WITH SOMEONE ELSE.
OH. (chuckles) SO? HE DOESN'T HAVE TO KNOW.
COME ON. ONE KISS. (puckers lips)
ALL RIGHT, OUR LITTLE SKIT IS OVER.
HEY, YOU'RE NOT GETTING RID OF ME THAT EASY.
REALLY. KEITH!
COULD YOU COME HERE FOR A SECOND?
HEY, YOU GUYS LOOK GREAT TOGETHER.
WELL, I WAS ACTUALLY JUST ASKING THIS GENTLEMAN
TO LEAVE ME ALONE, BUT HE DOESN'T SEEM TO BE GETTING IT.
UH...
THAT TRUE? YOU BOTHERING HER?
NO. (scoffs) IT'S THE COSTUME THING.
WE WERE JUST FOOLING AROUND.
THANK YOU. THAT WAS VERY GALLANT,
NOT TO MENTION SEXY.
HMM.
YOU KNOW, NO ONE HAS EVER DEFENDED ME LIKE THAT BEFORE.
ORSON ONCE THREW HALF A DIET SODA AT A MAN,
BUT WE WERE IN A MOVING VEHICLE, SO I DON'T...
KEITH?
(whispers) OH, DEAR.
LOOK, LIKE I SAID, I WAS JUST HAVING SOME FUN.
BY BEING A JACKASS?
YOU NEED TO APOLOGIZE TO MY GIRLFRIEND.
FINE. SORRY.
APOLOGY ACCEPTED. LET'S GO.
HOLD ON A SECOND.
TRY THAT AGAIN, AND THIS TIME, MEAN IT.
(chuckles) OR YOU'LL DO WHAT?
(gasps)
KEITH, PLEASE, STOP, STOP. HEY! HEY!
(stomps foot) KEITH!
(sighs)
KEITH! WHAT HAPPENED IN THERE?
AN IDIOT PUSHED MY BUTTONS, AND I WENT OFF!
WASN'T IT OBVIOUS?!
WELL, WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME?
BECAUSE IT'S WHO I AM!
I'VE BEEN ARRESTED FOR THIS BEFORE!
YOU KNOW, I KEPT TRYING TO CONVINCE MYSELF
THAT IT WASN'T A PROBLEM UNTIL THE SECOND TIME
THAT I GOT ARRESTED, THEN I REALIZED IT WAS.
SO FEEL FREE TO BREAK UP WITH ME
'CAUSE YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO.
I DON'T WANT TO BREAK UP WITH YOU.
COME ON. YOU CAN'T BE WITH A GUY LIKE ME,
NOT THE WAY THAT YOU ARE WITH YOUR CONTROLLED SMILE
AND YOUR PERFECT HOUSE AND YOUR PERFECT LAWN.
YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT MY PERFECT LAWN?
NINE YEARS AGO, MY SON FOUND ME FACEDOWN DRUNK ON IT.
IT'S TRUE!
HE HAD TURN THE SPRINKLERS ON TO WAKE ME UP.
DID YOU NOT KNOW YOU WERE DATING THE BIGGEST LUSH IN FAIRVIEW?
NO, I DIDN'T.
WE ALL HAVE BAGGAGE,
AND YOU AND I HAVE REACHED THAT POINT
WHERE WE GET TO SEE WHAT THE OTHER'S
BEEN CARRYING AROUND ALL THESE YEARS.
ANYTHING ELSE YOU'VE BEEN HIDING?
NO. YOU'VE PRETTY MUCH SEEN ME AT MY WORST.
WELL, I DON'T THINK I'VE SEEN ANYTHING THAT I CAN'T HANDLE.
HOW ABOUT YOU?
YOU THINK YOU CAN DEAL
WITH A CONTROL FREAK WITH A DRINKING PROBLEM?
(screaming)
OOH! AND THERE GOES THE THUMB.
YEAH, SO MUCH FOR HITCHHIKING.
(doorbell rings)
(mutes TV) OH. HEY, MOM, YOU GOT THAT?
GRANDMA'S NOT BACK YET. BACK FROM WHERE?
SHE WALKED TO THE STORE TO GET MORE CANDY.
WHAT?
HEY, GUYS, WILL YOU, UH, LISTEN FOR THE BABY?
I WILL, UH, BE BACK AS SOON AS I CAN.
IS GRANDMA OKAY?
SHE'S, UH...
YEAH, IT'S JUST A LITTLE LATE FOR HER TO BE OUT BY HERSELF.
I'LL BE--I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
(children shouting playfully)
WOW! I CAN'T BELIEVE I GOT SO MUCH CANDY!
YOU DESERVE EVERY PIECE, GRACE.
YOU WORKED THAT SIDEWALK LIKE A MILAN RUNWAY. (chuckles)
HOW DID YOU GET SO MUCH OF THIS IN YOUR FUR?
(sighs) THIS IS WHY CATS DO NOT CHEW GUM.
HERE, YOU SAID YOU LIKED PEPPERMINT.
AW. THAT IS SO THOUGHTFUL. THANK YOU.
OHH! OKAY.
I'VE GOTTA GIVE CELIA A BATH. YOU TWO GO EASY ON THE CANDY.
OH, GOSH. I CAN'T GET THIS OUT OF MY HAIR.
MRS. SOLIS?
OH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT. WE DON'T NEED HER.
I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT.
OKAY, LET'S TRY THIS ONE MORE TIME.
WHAT DOES A CAT SAY?
OINK?
BOY, I REALLY HOPE YOU MARRY WELL.
(Grace screams)
(gasps)
SHE WAS HAVING A PROBLEM. I FIXED IT.
(gasps)
REALLY? YOU'RE NOT JUST SAYING THAT?
NO, LEE, YOU ARE A MUCH PRETTIER MARILYN THAN SHE IS.
J.F.K. WOULD BE ALL OVER THAT.
(cell phone rings) HMM.
OH, HANG ON. (beep)
OH, HEY, CARLOS. WHAT'S UP?
OH, I... O-OKAY. I WILL BE-- I WILL BE RIGHT THERE.
(beep) (whispers) SHOOT.
(gasps)
IT'S ME.
LYNETTE?
YEAH.
OH! THANK GOD.
OH, IT'S ALL RIGHT. IT'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT.
I WAS WALKING. I-I-I MUST HAVE GOT TURNED AROUND.
I MADE IT UP--UP TO CLAIRE GRAHAM'S PLACE,
BUT... (voice breaking) THE LIGHTS WERE OUT.
THERE IS NO CLAIRE GRAHAM ON THIS STREET.
OH, THERE MOST CERTAINLY IS. SHE... LIVES...
OH. LET'S JUST... LET'S GO HOME.
YOU LET GO OF ME! YOU'RE DOING THIS TO ME.
YOU'RE MAKING ME FEEL CRAZY. OH, ALLISON--
I SAID LET GO! (slap)
OHH!
I'M SO SORRY, DEAR. UH...
I DON'T KNOW WHERE MY HEAD IS.
I'VE NEVER DONE THAT... BEFORE.
TELL HER, TOMMY.
IT'S OKAY, MOM.
I'M HERE.
MAMA, THAT IS WHAT HE SAID.
"I WANT YOU GONE."
THOSE WERE HIS EXACT WORDS.
I AM. I-I AM TRYING TO MAKE IT WORK, I SWEAR.
I DO EVERYTHING HE ASKS OF ME.
MAYBE I SHOULD COME HOME.
BUT, YES, I KNOW I MADE A COMMITMENT,
BUT I AM SO UNHAPPY.
OF COURSE I WANT YOU TO BE PROUD OF ME.
OKAY. UH...
I-I-I-I WILL.
I'LL TRY.
BYE, MAMA.
(beep)
SUSAN! HANG ON. I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.
OW, OW, OW. STILETTO HEELS, WHY DO YOU HATE ME?
WHAT'S UP?
PAUL YOUNG WANTED ME TO ASK AGAIN IF YOU HAD ANY INTEREST
IN SELLING YOUR PLACE.
NO. HE KNOWS THAT.
IN FACT, HE'S VACATING OUR HOUSE IN 60 DAYS.
WELL, HE INSISTED I CHECK AGAIN.
HE SAID YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES HAD RECENTLY CHANGED, AND...
WAIT. WHEN DID HE SAY THAT, EXACTLY?
THIS MORNING.
(sighs) CAN YOU TAKE M.J.
TO MRS. McCLUSKEY'S FOR ME? SURE.
SWEETIE, MOMMY'S GONNA HOLD THAT FOR YOU.
(doorbell rings)
SUSAN.
YOU BASTARD!
(glass shatters)
SUSAN, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?
WHEN YOU MOVED HERE,
I TRIED TO GIVE YOU THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT!
BUT YOU'RE EVIL!
WELL, GUESS WHAT? BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT IS OVER!
(doorbell rings)
(children, singsongy) TRICK OR TREAT!
HE'S OUT OF CANDY! (panting)
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M GLAD I DIDN'T LET MIKE DO THIS.
'CAUSE I'M REALLY ENJOYING IT!
(Beth) GET AWAY FROM HIM.
BETH, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT HE'S DONE.
I DON'T CARE.
HE'S MY HUSBAND.
(click)
NOW GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE.
(thud, clatter)
ARE YOU OKAY?
YEAH.
THANK YOU.
WELL, I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY. MRS. SANCHEZ WAS FURIOUS
WHEN SHE SAW WHAT YOU DID TO GRACE'S HAIR.
FORTUNATELY, THAT SWEET LITTLE GIRL
SAW I WAS IN A JAM AND SAID IT WAS HER IDEA. OF COURSE SHE DID.
WELL, THANK GOD.
OTHERWISE, SHE WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO COME HERE AND PLAY ANYMORE.
WHO CARES?
HONEY, GRACE IS YOUR FRIEND.
I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW HER TILL A MONTH AGO.
BUT YOU LOVE SPENDING TIME WITH HER.
NO, YOU DO.
YOU'RE ALWAYS TALKING TO HER, KISSING HER,
STARING AT HER.
YOU LIKE HER BETTER THAN ME.
OH, THAT'S RIDICULOUS!
THEN WHY DID YOU GIVE HER THAT NECKLACE?
YOU DON'T EVEN LET ME TOUCH YOUR JEWELRY.
WHAT'S SO SPECIAL ABOUT GRACE?
WHATEVER.
THIS IS BAD.
SHE KNOWS SOMETHING IS UP. I THINK WE SHOULD PULL BACK,
STAY AWAY FROM GRACE FOR A WHILE.
NO! NO WAY. NO, NO, NO. I'LL JUST BE MORE CAREFUL.
IT'LL BE FINE.
GABY, WE HAVE TO PROTECT OUR DAUGHTER.
THEY'RE BOTH OUR DAUGHTERS.
I REALLY DON'T WANT YOU TO GO.
I DON'T WANNA GO EITHER,
BUT THIS WILL MAKE US ENOUGH MONEY
TO GET PAUL OUT OF OUR HOUSE AND GIVE US OUR LIVES BACK.
PLUS IF I STAY,
I'M AFRAID I'LL KILL HIM.
OKAY. CAR'S LOADED.
IT'S TIME TO GO.
TO THE NURSING HOME.
MOM, AGAIN, IT ISN'T A NURSING HOME.
IT'S ASSISTED LIVING. IT'S--
IT'S A BEAUTIFUL FACILITY WITH--WITH FLOWER BEDS
AND ACTIVITIES AND LOTS OF OTHER PEOPLE. IT'S...
JUST TELL ME THIS, TOMMY.
AFTER I GO THERE, WHEN DO I GET TO LEAVE?
WHEN DO I GET TO GO HOME?
WE'LL HAVE TO SEE WHAT THE DOCTORS SAY.
NEVER, THAT'S WHEN.
I'VE SEEN MY FRIENDS GO INTO THESE PLACES,
AND THEY DON'T COME BACK.
MOM...
I TALKED TO PETER AND THERESA, AND WE ALL AGREE.
YOU CAN'T LIVE BY YOURSELF ANYMORE.
IF SOMETHING BAD WERE TO HAPPEN TO YOU,
WE WOULD NEVER... (kisses)
FORGIVE OURSELVES.
THE ONLY THING BAD HAPPENING HERE
IS WHAT YOU'RE DOING TO ME.
MOM... I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO.
WHEN YOU CALLED ME AT THAT CAMP
AND YOU WERE SCARED, YOU KEPT SAYING,
"I WANT TO COME HOME, MOM."
AND I SAID, "TOMMY, IF YOU MEAN THAT,
I'LL COME GET YOU."
THAT'S WHAT YOU DO.
(sighs)
THE TIME COMES WHEN WE ALL MUST FIND OUT
WHAT WE'RE AFRAID OF.
SOME OF US FEAR...
"SHE MAY NEVER FORGIVE ME."
OTHERS WORRY...
"SHE MIGHT LEARN THE TRUTH."
A FEW WONDER...
"COULD HE SEND ME AWAY?"
YES. THE WORLD IS A SCARY PLACE.
IT'S EVEN MORE TERRIFYING...
IF WE HAVE TO FACE IT...
ALONE.