♪ Life is like a hurricane
♪ Here in Duckburg
♪ Racecars, lasers, airplanes
♪ It's a duck-blur
♪ Might solve a mystery
♪ or rewrite history
♪ Duck Tales Ooh-woo-ooh
♪ Every day they're out there making
♪ Duck Tales Ooh-woo-ooh
♪ Tales of derring-do
♪ Bad and good luck tales
♪ D-d-d-danger
♪ Watch behind you
♪ There's a stranger out to find you
♪ What to do? Just grab onto some
♪ Duck Tales Ooh-woo-ooh
♪ Every day they're out there making
♪ Duck Tales Ooh-woo-ooh
♪ Tales of derring-do
♪ Bad and good luck tales Ooh-woo-ooh
♪ Not ponytails or cottontails, no
♪ Duck Tales Ooh-woo-ooh ♪
[Ma Beagle] Burger, shut the refrigerator!
Bigtime, stop leaving gunpowder where I can step in it!
Boy, is Ma on the rampage!
Uh, yeah, and she's mad, too!
[slurping]
What are you doin'?
Lickin' up the extra batter.
I haven't even poured the cake yet!
How do you expect me to spring Bouncer out of the slammer
if I don't have enough batter to cover the file?
Boy, you sure have been on edge lately!
Well, what do you expect after living in this rat shack all these years?
I keep reading about the wonderful lives of other mothers
in Better Homes and Jail Cells and I says to myself,
"Why not me?"
Maybe if my boys were a little brighter,
their mother's life wouldn't be so dim!
Aww, we'll do better.
We promise!
Well, you can start by getting the frosting mix.
It's in the pantry, next to the nitro.
- [pots clanking] - [booming]
[EH] Sorry!
[Huey] Stop at the bakery, Duckworth.
Yes, Master Huey. I brake for cake.
Come on, Uncle Scrooge! You gotta buy Mrs. Beakley a cake!
Yeah, it's her birthday.
If it's her birthday, let her buy the cake!
Uncle Scrooge, how can you be so cheap?
Lots of practice.
He'd like to buy a chocolate birthday cake.
A very low-cost cake, say, something a day or two old.
At a fair price.
Well, I have this three-tiered heavenly chocolate with cherry jubilee frosting,
all for a mere 15 dollars.
Yeah-ho!
- Chocolate and cherry. Her favorite! - Yippee!
Nice, but how about something a little older?
Um, I mean, cheaper.
Well, uh, here's last week's generic special,
marked down to two bucks.
How much without the frosting?
Uncle Scrooge, you can't! That cake's in awful shape!
So's Mrs. Beakley. I'll take it.
I swear, sometimes I wish I had a man in my life
to knock some sense into you morons.
[car sputtering]
Keep the motor runnin' while I rob this joint.
It'll be a piece of cake... [laughing]
Literally.
Here you go, sir. I hope your wife enjoys it.
It's not for my wife. I'm not married.
Really? Why not?
Because if I were married, my wife would own half my fortune,
and if she ever divorced me she'd take half of it with her.
My fortune is mine and mine alone.
Wanna bet?
There's been a sudden change of plans, boys.
Your dear mother's about to enter the state of matrimony.
Hmm, is that the state near Minnisoty?
[Scrooge] Boys, this birthday business is getting out of hand.
But Mrs. Beakley loves flowers.
OK, Bigtime, ready with that camera you stole?
Ready, Ma.
May I help you?
He'd like to buy some flowers.
Would you have a bargain that's wilted for a week or two?
Uncle Scrooge, cut it out!
Yeah, Uncle Scrooge, these flowers look real nice.
- How much for these lovelies? - Twenty dollars, sir.
For these ragweeds?
What about these?
[flash pops]
Fifteen dollars.
Be serious. What are these marigolds made of? Real gold?
How much are seeds?
- Seventy-five cents. - I'll take them.
I'm sure Mrs. Beakley would rather grow her own flowers anyway.
[Huey] Wait, here's a card shop.
[Scrooge] Mrs. Beakley does not need a birthday card.
[Huey] Yes, she does! Stop!
Come on, Uncle Scrooge!
This is the last stop. We promise.
This one'll do. It's marked down to 15 cents.
But it says "Happy Halloween to my weight-lifting brother-in-law!"
[cuckoo chiming]
- We can cross out that part. - [flash pops]
What's wrong with the lights?
Come on, boys, let's get out of here.
Spending all this money is getting to me.
I can hardly wait to see the surprise on her kind, sweet face.
Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear!
See? We told you not to be so cheap, Uncle Scrooge.
It's not the cake or the seeds.
I can explain the card.
It's not that either. It's... it's... her!
Hello, hubby! Got a kiss for your bride?
My What?
The old ball and chain!
You are not my wife!
Now get out of here before I call the police.
OK, hubby dearest.
But if you throw me out, I'm divorcing you,
and I'll take half of everything you own.
That's ridiculous! We're not married.
Never have been. Never will be!
Oh, yeah? Well, that's for the judge to decide.
See you in court, Love Bucks!
[growling] What's she up to now?
[gasping]
Happy birthday, Mrs. Beakley.
[bailiff] All rise. The Honorable Justice B. Fair presiding.
Your Honor, we can get this over with quickly.
This woman is not my wife.
It's that bad attitude of yours, Scroogie,
that's made this such a rotten marriage.
What marriage?
Do you have proof, Mrs. McDuck?
Don't call her that!
Certainly! Here we are on our wedding day, Judgie.
And the two of us, so in love
on our honeymoon at Niagara Falls.
[Scrooge] Cannot be. I would have pushed you over the falls!
[Ma Beagle] A family portrait.
[Scrooge] Straight off a post office wall.
And here's our marriage license.
Hmmph! As phony as her smile.
Your Honor, I ask you, is he a louse for a spouse?
I've tried to be a good housemutt, but it's hopeless.
That's why I want a divorce.
I'll, uh, settle for half of our fortune.
Never! I'd stay married before I ever gave up that!
Stay married? I thought you said you never were married.
See, Judge? I told you he was trying to put one over on you.
No, no, no! You don't understand!
I understand perfectly.
Considering the evidence, I hereby declare you duck and wife.
Court adjourned.
[Scrooge] That's right. Married!
As my lawyer, I expect you to do something.
No, we don't want any wedding gifts!
Mr. McDuck! Come quick! We've been invaded!
A little to the left, boys! No, higher.
There!
What do you think you're doing?
Hanging up the present you bought me.
What present?
For our anniversary.
Don't worry, it only set you back 300,000 bucks.
Out! Out! Out!
All right, I'm leaving anyway,
with the new credit cards I took out in the name of Mrs. Scrooge McDuck.
I'll shop till you drop! [Laughing]
Uncle Scrooge, Uncle Scrooge! [Whimpering]
The Beagle Boys are bustin' our bunks!
- Stop! - Get outta here!
Hey, that's my bunk!
Can I have the top bunk, Daddy?
No! And don't call me "Daddy!"
[Bigtime] OK, then, Pop.
How about I borrow the keys to the limo?
Absolutely not!
Aw, come on! I got a big date and I don't feel like hotwirin' it.
- [crashing] - What was that?
Oh, just the window. Eve's playin' baseball.
Not in the house! And especially not with a Ming vase!
That's 10,000 dollars!
[cracking]
Uh-oh! It's 10,000 pieces now.
[growling]
Ah, me! Maybe when I wake up,
this nightmare of nightmares will be over.
[Ma Beagle] Good night, Scroogie.
Good night, dear...
[screaming]
What are you doing in my bed?
Well, where do you want me to park myself? In the garage?
Aye, at someone else's house.
Sorry, Scroogie, but your poopsie is pooped.
- [knocking] - [yawning] Yes, sir?
Duckworth, I don't suppose the world's richest duck
could sleep in the servants' quarters with you?
Open up, you loony leeches! It's my turn to take a bath.
But, uh, Da-da, we's playing battleship!
[splashing]
[Burger humming] Rat-a-tat-tat!
[all yelling]
[Scrooge yelling]
_ [rumbling] _ [gasping]
[hollering]
Well, well! Look what the tide rolled in!
You'd better not be going shopping again!
Oh, no, Baby Beaks.
I'm just taking our boy out to lunch at a little French restaurant...
- in Paris. - Paris?
Of course, I might skip dessert if you'd sign the divorce papers.
Forget it!
Today I meet with my lawyer and we'll figure out
how to pulverize this rocky marriage.
According to the court reports, Ma Beagle portrayed herself
as a hard-working housewife.
Nonsense. The only thing she's ever dusted off were her fingerprints.
[woman] If you can prove that she lied to the judge about this,
I could persuade him to reconsider the case.
[Scrooge] I see.
Maybe it's time I ask the new housewife to do a wee bit of housework.
Oh, dear. Looks like I'm gonna have to be on good behavior for a while.
Yeah. The best things in life never come easy.
[rooster crowing]
[snoring]
- [alarm ringing] - Five more minutes, warden! [Stammers]
Rise and shine, dear.
Time to make the boys their breakfast,
pack their lunches, and clean the mansion.
Huh? Have Chubby Chins do it.
Mrs. Beakley? Oh, can't. It's her day off.
Are you off your rocker? It's four in the morning!
I know. I let you sleep in.
I'll expect you up earlier from now on.
[yawning]
Bombs away!
- [whistling] - [all giggling]
- [splashing] - [Ma Beagle] Oh!
Morning, Mommy! Look, you're all wet!
Aw, don't worry, we'll dry you off.
[coughing]
- Turn that vacuum off, you brats! - [laughing]
[Scrooge] Very impressive, lads.
Mrs. McDuck... [scoffing]
The mister would like you to do a little ironing this morning.
[coughing] Oh, all right. Where is it?
There.
Whoa! There's not enough spray starch in the state!
[Scrooge] Just have it done by dinnertime, dear.
Oh, and by the way, did I mention I'm bringing home guests for dinner?
Huh? How many?
Sixty.
[moaning]
Scrooge may think he's got the best of me,
but I can steamroll that old coot any time.
♪ I got the dusty-window waxy-buildup blues
Hi, Ma! How 'bout a snack?
And spoil your appetite for dinner?
But, Ma...
Quiet, goon! Can't you see I'm cleanin' the chandelier?
Boy, Ma's really gettin' into this housewife stuff.
Yeah, she's a regular Betty Crooker.
I wonder how the battle axe did today.
I'll bet the place is in worse shape than... [gasps]
Don't tell me she actually cleaned!
In her fashion.
- And the ironing? - Done.
Though you may be more steamed than the iron when you see it.
What about dinner?
Love Bucks! You're home!
Where are the guests? I cooked enough slop to stuff the Jolly Green Giant.
I cannot believe you did all this.
Well, it was tough at first, but as I got the hang of it,
I began to feel like one of those women you read about in Good Spousekeeping.
Housework has fulfilled me in a way no bank heist ever could.
[nephews] Good evening, Uncle Scrooge.
Good evening, Da-da.
Oh, just look at us!
We're one big happy Beagle bunch!
Don“ get a kiss goodbye'?
I'd rather plant a wet one on Shamu the whale.
Hurry home.
Tonight on TV is the Father Throws Best family reunion.
It could be quality time together.
Gosh, I ain't never seen Daddy Scroogie so m-m-miserable.
Forget about Scroogie. I'm miserable!
Ma's gone overboard with this motherhood stuff.
Yeah, she's even making me watch in-between-meal treats!
I hate it! I just hate it! [Crying]
Burger, dear, why don't you recite poetry to our happy family?
Aw, Ma!
- I said recite! - [gun blasting]
OK, OK, OK! [clearing throat]
Roses is red Violets is blue.
Misery loves company.
That's why we're here with you!
Oh, wasn't that beautiful?
I think we should have a family picture to remember this treasured moment.
I'll get the camera and be back in a flash.
You get it? [Laughing] "Flash?"
Wait, stop! Where are you going?
One more precious family moment and I may upchuck!
I quit!
Me, too!
[all] Us, three!
Wait, you boys cannot quit. You're family!
Wanna bet?
Where Mrs. Beakley goes, we go! Right, guys?
[both] Right!
What are we gonna do, Daddy Scrooge'?
Yeah! Nothin' personal, but we hates living here.
I hate having you here.
But I'm afraid your mother and I are in this till death do us part,
which suddenly gives me a perfectly demented idea.
Ooh, those are our favorite kind!
[smacking]
OK, boys, whose turn is it to do the dishes?
Eh... Burger's.
No it ain't. I broke 'em last night. You do it.
No way! Daddy said I don't have to.
Boys! Boys!
Speaking of your father, where'd he run off to?
To take a swim in his money.
You're right. Ain't he cute in that little outfit?
Ooh, shouldn't he have waited an hour after eating your dumplings?
[thudding]
Help! Help!
[stammers] He's in trouble!
[gurgling]
Tread money, Honey Bucks!
[Bigtime] Somebody call a paramedic!
Call a single medic, if you have to!
[sirens wailing]
We've combed the entire surface, ma'am. I'm afraid it's hopeless.
[gasping] No! Don't tell me! You mean...?
Yep, he's gone to that big bin in the sky.
No! You mean... all this loot is mine?
Oh, how can you think of money at a time like this?
I'm not just thinkin' money.
I'm thinkin' of the mansion.
The limo!
The gold mines!
Hey, we may have lost our new father,
but I think we're gettin' back our old mother!
I'm afraid you'll have to come down to police headquarters, Mrs. McDuck.
- For what? - Questionin'.
This smells of foul play.
What do you mean?
It's the oldest crime in the book, lady.
Wife bumps off husband to collect fortune.
How could you do it?
Let's go!
Wait! Uh, you can't blame me.
L-I'm not really his wife!
I never even married the old coot!
Just the words I've been waiting to hear!
[all gasping]
[all] He's alive!
- Did you get it, Louie? - Every last syllable. [Laughing]
[gasping]
How dare you come back to life?
How dare you pretend to be my wife?
Take her away, officer.
But Scroogie, what about all the tender moments we shared?
Didn't they mean anything?
Aye, I must admit they did.
They made me realize...
I'm a confirmed bachelor for the rest of my days!
Don't worry, Ma.
We'll get you out of the slammer.
What's your favorite cake?