[ Springs Squeaking ]
[ Squeaking Continues ]
[ Exasperated Sigh ]
I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!
THEY'VE BEEN AT IT FOR HOURS!
GIVE IT A REST, YOU TWO!
[ Squeaking ]
SORRY!
[ Snoring, Whistling ]
GOOD MORNING, CLASS.
I TRUST YOU'VE ALL PREPARED FOR TODAY'S FINAL EXAM.
UH, EXCUSE ME.
I MISSED A FEW LECTURES.
UH, WHAT SUBJECT IS THIS?
ANCIENT EGYPTIAN ALGEBRA.
[ Gasps ] WHAT A NIGHTMARE!
MR. FRY, ARE THOSE YOUR UNDERPANTS?
[ Gasps ]
[ All Laughing ]
YOUNG MAN, I THINK IT'S TIME YOU LEARNED A LESSON
ABOUT LIGHTSPEED BRAND BRIEFS.
[ Announcer ] LIGHTSPEED FITS TODAY'S ACTIVE LIFESTYLE
WHETHER YOU'RE ON THE JOB
OR HAVING FUN.
LIGHTSPEED BRIEFS--
STYLE AND COMFORT FOR THE DISCRIMINATING CROTCH.
OH!
WHAT A WEIRD DREAM.
I'LL NEVER GET BACK TO SLEEP.
[ Snoring, Whistling ]
SO, YOU'RE TELLING ME THEY BROADCAST COMMERCIALS INTO PEOPLE'S DREAMS?
OF COURSE.
BUT HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?
IT'S VERY SIMPLE.
THE AD GETS INTO YOUR BRAIN
JUST LIKE THIS LIQUID GETS INTO THIS EGG.
ALTHOUGH IN REALITY
IT'S NOT LIQUID, BUT GAMMA RADIATION.
THAT'S AWFUL.
IT'S LIKE BRAINWASHING.
DIDN'T YOU HAVE ADS IN THE 20th CENTURY?
WELL, SURE, BUT NOT IN OUR DREAMS--
ONLY ON TV AND RADIO...
AND IN MAGAZINES...
AND MOVIES...
AND AT BALL GAMES...
AND ON BUSES
AND MILK CARTONS AND T-SHIRTS AND BANANAS
AND WRITTEN ON THE SKY
BUT NOT IN DREAMS.
NO, SIRREE.
QUIT SQUAWKING, FLESHWAD.
NOBODY'S FORCING YOU TO BUY ANYTHING.
YEAH. I MEAN, WE ALL HAD COMMERCIALS IN OUR DREAMS
BUT YOU DON'T SEE US RUNNING OFF TO BUY BRAND-NAME MERCHANDISE
AT LOW, LOW PRICES.
HI. CARE TO SAMPLE THE LATEST FRAGRANCE
FROM CALVIN CLONE?
NO, THANKS.
[ Screams, Grumbling ]
AND YOU, SIR?
NO, THANKS. I--
[ Gagging ]
WHAT A LOVELY FACE.
WE JUST NEED TO DRAW ATTENTION
AWAY FROM THE EYE AREA.
[ Short Laser Burst ]
[ Annoyed Groan ]
COOL.
CAN I TRY THESE ON BEFORE I BUY THEM?
I'M AFRAID I CAN'T LET YOU OPEN THE PACKAGE
BUT YOU CAN TRY ON THE DEMO PAIR.
OOH.
HO-HO-HO.
[ Groans ]
[ Cans Clattering ]
HEY, BENDER. GREAT NEW SWEATER.
UH, "NEW"? WHAT SWEATER?
I CAME IN WITH IT!
I DON'T KNOW YOU PEOPLE.
$30, PLEASE.
$30? I CAN'T AFFORD THAT.
UNLESS--
DO YOU TAKE VISA?
VISA HASN'T EXISTED FOR 500 YEARS.
AMERICAN EXPRESS?
600 YEARS.
DISCOVER CARD?
MMM, SORRY, WE DON'T TAKE DISCOVER.
HEY...
HE'S SPRINGING FOR LIGHTSPEEDS?
- PRETTY RITZY. - NO, I CAN'T AFFORD THEM.
BEING POOR SUCKS.
WHAT KIND OF WORLD IS THIS
WHERE THEY ADVERTISE THINGS NOT EVERYBODY CAN AFFORD?
QUIET. THERE'S AN AD COMING ON.
Hello, shoppers.
It's me, Mom.
HEY, WHO'S THE ROCKER JOCKEY?
GUH! IT'S MOM--
THE WORLD'S MOST HUGGABLE INDUSTRIALIST.
Call me old-fashioned
but when my robot starts to squeak
like an old screen door, well, that's when I reach for a can
of Mom's Old-Fashioned Robot Oil.
[ Bender ] OOH, TASTY.
And remember: Mom's Oil is made with 10% more love
than the next leading brand.
[ Announcer ] "Mom," "love" and "screen door"
are registered trademarks of MomCorp.
[ Squeaking ]
HEY, BENDER, SOUNDS LIKE YOU
COULD USE A LITTLE OF THAT OIL.
HAMBONED.
FREEZE, SCUZZBOT!
UH, THERE'S OBVIOUSLY BEEN
SOME SORT OF A MISTAKE HERE.
I'M SURE THERE'S--
I SAY, I'M SURE THERE'S--
[ Crash ]
THAT IS, I'M SURE THERE'S...
A VERY...
REASONABLE--
DO WE HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO PAY BENDER'S FINE?
78... 79... 79.50.
CRUD. WE'RE 50 CENTS SHORT.
I'D LOVE TO CHIP IN, BUT BENDER STOLE MY WALLET.
HEY, THAT'S MY OLD BANK.
MAYBE MY ACCOUNT'S STILL OPEN.
HMM. WE DON'T SEEM TO HAVE YOUR RETINA SCAN
YOUR FINGERPRINT OR YOUR COLONIC MAP ON FILE.
YEAH, WELL, I DID OPEN THE ACCOUNT
OVER A THOUSAND YEARS AGO.
WHAT ABOUT MY A.T.M. CARD?
DO YOU STILL REMEMBER YOUR PIN NUMBER?
SURE. IT'S THE PRICE OF A CHEESE PIZZA AND A LARGE SODA
BACK WHERE I USED TO WORK--
PINUCCI'S PIZZA.
OKAY. YOU HAD A BALANCE OF 93 CENTS.
ALL RIGHT.
AT AN AVERAGE OF 2 1/4 PERCENT INTEREST
OVER A PERIOD OF 1,000 YEARS
THAT COMES TO...
$4.3 BILLION.
[ Hyperventilating ]
[ Gurgling ]
[ Body Hits Floor ]
TO FRY.
I KNOW FRY'S RICH
BUT DO WE REALLY HAVE TO WEAR THESE TOP HATS?
MAYBE YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND JUST HOW RICH HE IS.
IN FACT, I THINK I BETTER PUT ON A MONOCLE.
[ Contented Moaning ]
[ Contented Moan ]
[ Fry ] PIZZA DINNER ON ME.
[ All Cheering ]
JUST KEEP THE TAB UNDER $50 MILLION.
YO. [ Whistles ] I HAVEN'T GOT ALL DAY.
WHAT KIND OF PIZZA YOUS GUYS WANT?
UH, YEAH, WE'LL HAVE, UH, ONE WITH EVERYTHING BUT ANCHOVIES
AND, UH, ONE WITH MY ALL-TIME FAVORITE TOPPING--
ANCHOVIES.
[ Droning ] INVALID SELECTION.
[ New York Accent ] YO, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
ANCHOVIES. YOU KNOW...
THOSE LITTLE HEADLESS FISH?
DOES NOT COMPUTE.
I'M SORRY, FRY, BUT THE ANCHOVY
HAS BEEN EXTINCT SINCE THE 2200s.
- WHAT? - OH, MY, YES, FISHED TO DEATH--
JUST ABOUT THE TIME YOUR PEOPLE ARRIVED ON EARTH
WASN'T IT, ZOIDBERG?
I'M NOT ON TRIAL HERE.
SO NONE OF YOU HAS EVER HAD ANCHOVIES?
OH, MAN, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE MISSING.
THEY'RE ALL SALTY AND OILY, AND THEY MELTED IN YOUR MOUTH--
STOP! STOP! I ADMIT IT.
MY PEOPLE ATE THEM ALL.
WE KEPT SAYING, "ONE MORE CAN'T HURT."
AND THEN THEY WERE GONE.
WE'RE SORRY!
[ Sighs ]
I JUST WISH I COULD HAVE SHOWED YOU GUYS
HOW GREAT THEY WERE.
I MAY BE RICH, BUT I STILL CAN'T BUY BACK
ALL THE THINGS I MISS FROM THE 20th CENTURY.
MAYBE YOU'RE FORGETTING JUST HOW RICH YOU ARE.
HUH? HUH?
SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK?
I KNOW YOU SPENT A LOT OF MONEY ON THIS PLACE, FRY
BUT IT'S AWFULLY PRIMITIVE.
THE FLOORS ARE MADE OF SUCH HARD WOOD.
HEY, GET A LOAD OF THIS PATHETIC 20th-CENTURY TV.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT?
WELL, ASIDE FROM CAUSING EYE CANCER
THESE THINGS HAD A LOUSY, LOW-DEFINITION PICTURE.
THAT'S TRUE.
ON A TV LIKE THIS, I BET YOU COULDN'T EVEN
MAKE OUT MY OBSCENE TATTOO.
[ Whistles ]
THAT'S CUTE.
SOLD!
YES!
I JUST DON'T GET IT.
WHO WAS THIS TED DANSON
AND WHY WOULD YOU PAY $10,000 FOR HIS SKELETON?
I HAVE AN IDEA FOR A SITCOM.
AH, LEAVE HIM ALONE, LEELA.
SO HE'S GOING A LITTLE WACKO WITH HIS MONEY.
THAT'S OKAY.
YOU'RE JUST SAYING THAT
'CAUSE HE BOUGHT YOU THAT ANTIQUE ROBOT TOY.
[ Laughs ]
YEAH.
IT IS CUTE.
[ Screams ]
NOW, OUR FINAL ITEM:
THIS UNOPENED CAN
OF ANGRY NORWEGIAN BRAND ANCHOVIES, CIRCA 1997.
ANCHOVIES?
THE LAST KNOWN CAN IN EXISTENCE
GUARANTEED FRESH AND EDIBLE.
DO I HEAR $10,000?
$15,000.
20.
30. NO, 40.
$50,000. [ Crowd Murmuring ]
ARE YOU CRAZY?
IT'S A CAN OF OLD FISH.
DON'T TELL ME HOW TO SPEND MY MONEY.
50, GOING ONCE, TWICE--
[ Woman ] $75,000.
[ All Gasping ]
OH, MY GOD. IT'S MOM.
I'VE NEVER SEEN HER IN PERSON BEFORE.
$100,000.
[ All Murmuring ]
FRY, YOU CAN'T BID AGAINST MOM.
SHE'S THE RICHEST
MOST POWERFUL PERSON IN THE WORLD.
AND SHE'S SO ADORABLE.
WELL, I SUPPOSE I COULD GO AS HIGH AS... $300,000.
- 500. - MERCY ME-- A MILLION.
- TWO. - SIX. - FOURTEEN.
I CAN SEE THE NICE YOUNG MAN
REALLY WANTS THOSE LITTLE FISH.
NEVERTHELESS, I'LL BID 23 MILLION.
ONE JILLION DOLLARS.
[ All Gasping ]
SIR, THAT'S NOT A NUMBER.
[ All Gasping ]
OH. IN THAT CASE...
50 MILLION.
[ All Gasping ]
WELL, BOYS,
YOUR OLD MOTHER KNOWS WHEN SHE'S BEEN BEAT.
YOU WIN, YOUNG MAN.
I TIP MY BONNET TO YOU.
[ Crowd Cooing ]
[ Woman ] OH, ISN'T SHE ADORABLE?
WHAT A CLASS ACT. SOLD!
TO THE GENTLEMAN WHO BOUGHT EVERY ITEM
IN TODAY'S AUCTION.
[ All Booing ]
NOW FOR SOME GOOD OLD 20th-CENTURY TV.
AH.
[ Old Man ] Do you remember a time
when chocolate chip cookies came fresh from the oven?
Petridge Farm remembers.
OH, THOSE WERE THE DAYS.
Do you remember a time when women couldn't vote
and certain folk weren't allowed on golf courses?
Petridge Farm remembers.
[ Knock At Door ]
[ Leela ] FRY, ARE YOU THERE?
HUH?
[ Door Opens ]
YOU HAVEN'T BEEN TO WORK IN THREE DAYS.
WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING?
I'VE BEEN SITTING RIGHT HERE.
I PICKED UP MY LIFE EXACTLY WHERE I LEFT OFF
A THOUSAND YEARS AGO.
NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME?
IT'S 8:00, TIME TO GET BUSY.
* I like big butts and I cannot lie *
* You other brothers can't deny *
YOU CAN'T JUST SIT HERE IN THE DARK
LISTENING TO CLASSICAL MUSIC.
I COULD IF YOU HADN'T TURNED ON THE LIGHTS
AND SHUT OFF THE STEREO.
FRY, THIS ISN'T HEALTHY; YOU'RE LIVING IN THE PAST.
I'M RICH. I CAN LIVE WHENEVER I WANT.
BUT WE'RE YOUR FRIENDS
AND WE LIVE HERE IN THE YEAR 3000.
YEAH.
NOW, ARE YOU GOING TO COME TO THE SQUID FIGHTS WITH US
OR SIT HERE WALLOWING IN YOUR PREHISTORIC JUNK?
JUNK?
MAYBE YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND THIS
BUT I FINALLY FOUND WHAT I NEED TO BE HAPPY
AND IT'S NOT FRIENDS-- IT'S THINGS.
I'M A THING.
JUST LEAVE ME ALONE.
FRY, PLEASE.
[ Knock ] MY PONYTAIL'S CAUGHT IN THE DOOR.
I DON'T NEED THEM--
NOT WHEN I HAVE MY ANTIQUE VIDEOS
MY BUCKET OF FOSSILIZED KFC
AND $50 MILLION WORTH OF ANCHOVIES.
[ Lips Smacking ]
MERCY ME, WHAT A DAY.
COULD YOU SHUT THE DOOR, IGNER, DEAR?
I THINK I FEEL A DRAFT COMING ON.
HOLY CRAP, THAT BASTARD'S ITCHY.
WALT, CREAM SODA.
RIGHT AWAY, MOTHER.
LARRY, GET YOUR MOTHER A CREAM SODA.
BUT MOM SAID--
YOU HEARD ME.
WHAT'S WRONG, MOMMY?
IT'S THOSE DAMNED ANCHOVIES.
THAT DIRTBAG FRY MUST KNOW THEIR SECRET
AND I WON'T REST UNTIL I GET MY HANDS ON THEM.
NO ONE MESSES WITH MOM.
[ Evil Laughter ]
QUIET, YOU.
AS YOU BOYS KNOW, ONE OF THE CORNERSTONES OF MY EMPIRE
IS MOM'S OLD-FASHIONED ROBOT OIL.
THINK OF IT-- TEN BILLION ROBOTS
EACH ONE NEEDING AN OIL CHANGE EVERY 3,000 MILES.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THE MATH
TO KNOW THAT'S A BUTTLOAD OF OIL.
CAN I WEAR YOUR FAT SUIT?
NO, IGNER, PUT THAT DOWN!
OHH.
WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH THE ANCHOVIES?
I'M GETTING TO THE FREAKING ANCHOVIES.
[ Beeps ]
A SINGLE DROP OF THE ANCHOVY'S NATURAL OIL
WOULD LUBRICATE TEN ROBOTS PERMANENTLY.
WOW. IT'S A SHAME THEY WENT EXTINCT.
NO, IT ISN'T! SHUT YOUR FILTHY CLAM!
THANK YOU, WALT. [ Beeps ]
IF ANYONE EVER GOT HOLD OF ANCHOVY DNA
THEY COULD CHOP OUT THE OIL-MAKING GENE
STICK IT IN A BUNCH OF THIRD WORLD KIDS AND BAM!
CHEAP, EFFECTIVE ROBOT OIL--
ENOUGH TO PUT DEAR OLD MOM OUT OF BUSINESS.
MY GOD, THIS MR. FRY
MUST BE A MASTERMIND OF THE HIGHEST ORDER.
[ "Sanford And Son Theme" Playing ]
[ Slurping ]
Esther, you ugly.
[ Laughs ]
WE HAVE ONLY ONE OPTION.
WE'LL HAVE TO BANKRUPT MR. FRY
SO HE'LL BE FORCED TO SELL THE ANCHOVIES TO US.
MOTHER, YOU ARE ONE CLEVER OLD SCAG.
AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT.
HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO GET FRY'S MONEY OUT OF THE BANK?
THAT PART WILL BE EASY, THANKS TO THE NICE PEOPLE
AT MOM'S OLD-FASHIONED VIDEO SURVEILLANCE UNIT.
Do you still remember your pin number?
Sure. It's the price of a cheese pizza and a large soda
back where I used to work-- Pinucci's Pizza.
[ Tape Rewinding ]
It's the price of a cheese pizza and a large soda.
YOU KNOW WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE.
WHAT?
GET HIS PIN NUMBER, YOU IDIOTS!
NOW I'M OFF TO SOME CHARITY B.S. FOR KNOCKED-UP TEENAGE SLUTS.
[ Knock At Door ]
[ Walt ] MR. FRY, IT'S THOSE THREE PLUMBERS YOU CALLED FOR.
[ Igner ] WE'RE HERE TO TIGHTEN YOUR DRAINS.
[ Hard Whack ] OW!
I DIDN'T ORDER ANY--
QUICK! GIVE HIM THE TRANQUILIZER.
[ Muffled Gagging ]
THAT'S A GOOD BOY.
[ Gulp ]
WAKE UP, MR. FRY.
WHERE AM I?
YOU'RE IN THE GOOD OLD YEAR 2000 WORKING HERE AT PINUCCI'S PIZZA.
YOU FELL ASLEEP ON THE JOB.
WELL, THAT SOUNDS LIKE ME, BUT I THOUGHT I GOT FROZEN.
WASN'T I IN THE FUTURE?
NO, YOU ONLY "DREAMED" YOU WERE IN THE YEAR 3000.
SO I'M REALLY BACK?
WELL, THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED, I GUESS.
WHO ARE YOU?
I AM MR. PINUCCI.
YOU ARE?
DID-DID YOU GROW A MUSTACHE SINCE LAST NIGHT?
NO. NOW, GO WORK THE CURRENCY REGISTER.
I THINK I HEAR A CUSTOMER COMING.
I SAID, "I THINK I HEAR A CUSTOMER COMING."
OH, HURRY UP, PLEASE.
I WANT TO GET BACK TO THE HEAD MUSEUM.
DON'T WORRY, MISS ANDERSON.
THIS WON'T TAKE LONG.
NOW, YOUR MOTIVATION IS, YOU'RE BACK IN THE YEAR 2000
AND YOUR HEAD'S STILL ON YOUR BODY
AND YOU WANT A CHEESE PIZZA.
OKAY, BUT I'M ONLY DOING THIS
SO PEOPLE WILL TAKE MY HEAD SERIOUSLY AS AN ACTRESS.
HEY, LOOK-- ANCHOVIES.
OF COURSE.
THEY'RE NOT EXTINCT YET.
AND IF YOU NEED FURTHER PROOF
THAT THIS IS REALLY A THOUSAND YEARS AGO
WELL, HERE'S CONTEMPORARY ACTRESS PAMELA ANDERSON.
OOH.
HELLO, FRY.
REMEMBER ME FROM BAYWATCH: THE MOVIE?
UH--
IT WAS THE FIRST MOVIE
TO BE SHOT ENTIRELY IN SLOW MOTION.
IT HASN'T BEEN MADE YET.
THEN HE DOESN'T KNOW I WON THE OSCAR?
NOPE. CRAP!
WAIT. YOU'RE PAMELA ANDERSON.
COOL. WHAT CAN I GET YOU?
OH, I'LL HAVE A CHEESE PIZZA AND A LARGE--
UH... LINE?
SODA.
OH, RIGHT.
CHEESE PIZZA AND A LARGE SODA.
UH, CHEESE AND A--
THAT WAS QUICK.
SO, WHAT DO I OWE YOU?
10.77--
SAME AS MY PIN NUMBER.
[ Laughing ] [ Laughing ]
[ Igner ] HEY, YOU DON'T GET TO LAUGH.
THANKS A BILLION.
[ Laughing ]
MORE LIKE 4.3 BILLION.
OH! OW!
UH, I HAD A NIGHTMARE I WAS IN THE YEAR 2000
AND YOU GUYS NEVER EXISTED.
I'M SO GLAD I'M AWAKE NOW AND YOU'RE REALLY HERE.
SINCE WHEN DO YOU CARE ABOUT US?
WE THOUGHT YOU ONLY CARED ABOUT CANS OF ANCHOVIES
AND STUFFY OLD SONGS ABOUT THE BUTTOCKS.
NO, THAT'S NOT TRUE.
GOOD-BYE.
WHEE!
[ Announcer ] THIS DREAM BROUGHT TO YOU BY LIGHTSPEED BRIEFS.
BENDER, LEELA...
DON'T LEAVE ME.
WAIT A MINUTE.
HEY, HEY, BUDDY, WHAT YEAR IS THIS?
UH... 3000.
3000?
YES! I'M STILL IN THE FUTURE!
LIFE IS WONDERFUL!
WAIT. WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH MY STUFF?
UH, CHECK BOUNCED.
WE'RE TAKING IT ALL BACK.
OH, NO, MY A.T.M. CARD-- MY-MY SECRET PIN NUMBER: 1077.
I'VE GOT NOTHING LEFT.
EXCEPT...
YOU'RE FRY'S RELATIVE.
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HE GOT SO CRAZY?
UH, WHAT?
OH, THEY SAY MADNESS RUNS IN OUR FAMILY.
SOME EVEN CALL ME MAD.
AND WHY?
BECAUSE I DARED TO DREAM OF MY OWN RACE OF ATOMIC MONSTERS--
ATOMIC SUPERMEN WITH OCTAGONAL-SHAPED BODIES
THAT SUCK BLOOD OUT OF YOU--
LEELA, BENDER!
I MISSED YOU SO MUCH.
YOU DID? WHAT HAPPENED?
I WAS ROBBED.
THEY GOT EVERYTHING, EXCEPT THESE.
WHO DID?
HELLO, FRY.
IT'S MOM.
I FELT TERRIBLE WHEN I HEARD ABOUT YOUR MONEY TROUBLES
AND I THOUGHT MAYBE I COULD HELP OUT A SWEET YOUNG MAN
BY BUYING HIS ANCHOVIES.
SORRY, BUT THE ANCHOVIES AREN'T FOR SALE.
WHAT? LISTEN, YOU LITTLE BASTARD
I CONTROL THE ROBOT OIL BUSINESS
AND I WON'T LET YOU RUIN ME.
HOW MUCH DO YOU WANT?
YOU MIGHT AS WELL PUT THAT CHECKBOOK AWAY
BECAUSE I'VE DISCOVERED SOMETHING EVEN MORE IMPORTANT--
MY FRIENDS, AND THEY AREN'T WORTH EVEN A PENNY TO ME.
THAT'S WHY THESE ANCHOVIES ARE GOING ON A PIZZA...
SO I CAN SHARE THE FOOD I LOVE WITH THE PEOPLE I LIKE.
HOLY HELL! YOU'RE GOING TO EAT THEM?
OH! WELL, JUST MAKE SURE YOU EAT THEM ALL.
YOU'RE A GROWING BOY.
TOODLE-OO!
DUMB ASS.
WHAT A NICE LADY.
OKAY, MY FRIENDS, GET READY
FOR THE MOST DELICIOUS EXTINCT ANIMAL
YOU'VE EVER TASTED.
I DON'T KNOW.
I'VE HAD COW.
[ All Retching ]
GROSS!
ICK!
MM.
EH, NO ONE LIKES THEM AT FIRST
BUT THEY'LL GROW ON YOU.
[ Sniffing ] THAT STENCH--
THAT HEAVENLY STENCH.
MORE.
THERE AREN'T ANYMORE, AND THERE NEVER WILL BE.
MORE!