Where's the professor?
Probably dead. Already dissolving in a bathtub, ifwe're lucky.
I was out on the widow's walk
keeping a hopeless vigil for the return of my first delivery crew.
It's been 50 years since they disappeared.
I knew you had other crews, but you never told us you had a first crew.
I remember it like it was interesting.
I had just built my new shipping and receiving emporium,
and I scoured the hardware store parking lot
to assemble the finest crew imaginable.
There was candy, the raunchy by—the-books navigator,
lifter, the devastatingly handsome forklift,
and captain lando Tucker, a dedicated young man with no characteristics.
We'll deliver that package or die trying.
Hey, it's all my favorite patients.
And also captain Tucker. Pow!
Whoa!
You totally got me, Dr. John. You're hilarious.
Zoidberg was popular?
Zoidberg had hair?
I never said he had hair!
If you chose to imagine him that way, that's your business.
Anyway, the time came for our first delivery.
(Sobbing)
Lando, don't forget about me and junior.
I won't, honey. Or die trying.
Well, crew, this is it.
That cookie bouquet isn't going to deliver itself.
Ten,
nine and so on...
Three,
two,
one...
(Sentimental music)
Go, you big metal bird. Get up there.
Incredible!
Zoidberg had friends?
It was a different time.
Farnsworth: Everything was going smoothly
until right after that part I was just telling you about.
Suddenly, Amanda's aunt called to say
her niece hadn't received her cookie bouquet.
I watched the skies for weeks,
with only occasional breaks to tend to my grief diarrhea.
Just when all hope was lost...
(Gasps)
The ship's escape pod!
What happened up there, Johnny?
Don't make me remember. 80 horrible it was.
(Shrieks)
I thought you said he didn't have hair.
Yes, but something he saw on that mission traumatized him so severely,
he grew hair, just so it could turn white.
Sadly, my brave crew was gone forever.
(Sobbing)
(Sniffling)
That poor incompetent crew.
What do you think happened, professor?
They were lost in the Bermuda tetrahedron.
(All gasp)
That's ridiculous. The Bermuda tetrahedron is just a myth.
I'm glad you're so brave in the face of the unknown, Leela,
because, for your next mission,
you'll be flying directly through the Bermuda tetrahedron!
(All gasp)
Or we could fly around it.
Of course you could. You'd be stupid not to.
Supposing we're not stupid. What kind of stupid mission is this?
You'll be picking up a monument commemorating my lost crew,
to be unveiled Tuesday at their memorial ceremony.
All the grieving families will be there,
plus a Popsicle cart.
You can count on us, professor.
We'll get that monument here in time...
All: Hooray!
Or die trying.
What?
Here you go.
"In memory of the first planet express ship and its crew."
Hang on. "It's" shouldn't have an apostrophe.
This means "and it is crew."
What the hell's wrong with you?
It's a minor error, lady.
I mean, we're space aliens. It's a miracle we can even speak English.
The miracle is that I'm not kicking your ass.
I insist you re-carve the entire statue correctly.
Okay, okay.
Hey, Charlie, hack off another block of ivory!
(Roaring)
Well, the statue's perfect now.
Too bad we won't make it back in time for the memorial service.
We'll make it. Or die trying.
Fry: Ah!
We're cutting through the Bermuda tetrahedron!
Whoo-hoo! (Alarm blaring)
Wait, the Bermuda tetrahedron?
(All gasping)
(Lightning cracking)
I think I'm remembering that thing I forgot.
The dials are terrified.
Brace yourselves. It's tickle me elmo's fire.
(Giggling)
There. See? It was no big thing.
What was that big thing?
It's a spaceship graveyard.
Why did we have to come here at night?
Look at all these famous lost ships.
There's the garmin! And the tomtom!
Over there! It's the original planet express ship!
What caused all that damage? Could it have been flavor-blasted?
We'd better investigate. (Lightning cracking)
Looks like an ion storm, though. Everyone, suit up!
Whatever happened here, that first crew left in a hurry.
The table is still set for a McDonald's value dinner.
I remember, I remember!
This is what traumatized me. Such a meal to go to waste!
And with that... I have closure.
Hey, zoidberg, you're cockatieling.
Oh, no. Something's happening. What's happening?
(Whale singing)
(All gasping)
Oh, right. And there was a giant killer space whale.
(Whale singing)
Holy crap, it's a giant space fish!
Actually, the space whale isn't a space fish. It's a space mammal.
Wow, interesting. I'm both impressed and being eaten.
Spacewalk, people! Spacewalk for your lives!
Fry: Man, look at him go. Like a millionaire on a cocktail wiener.
(Roaring)
(All screaming)
I did it. I outran him.
Relax, friends.
(Whale singing)
Panic, jerks!
That's no ordinary space whale!
It's a four-dimensional space whale!
Of course!
And it only breaches into our 3-d universe
to hunt and fill its lungs with vacuum.
Whatever its beef is,
our one mission now is to get that monument to earth.
Correction: Our one mission now
is to avenge the loss of that monument.
Shmeesh! He gonked off the engines.
That won't stop me.
Raise the solar sails! I'm going after that mobius dick!
(All gasping)
You've been hitting the red stripe, woman!
Comport yourself, Mr. Conrad!
When we're at space, the captain's word is law.
I could marry you and bender against your will, if I wanted to.
You wouldn't dare!
I've been married to worse.
Leela, I'm no doctor,
but I'm afraid you be exhibiting symptoms of illin'.
You're risking all our lives for your own personal obsession.
There's nothing personal about this.
That thing screwed up my delivery!
This time, it's business.
(Maritime folk music)
(Accordion playing)
(Wind blowing)
Maybe if I move the compass like this,
it will somehow kill the whale.
Leela, we need to talk.
You've gone from crazy like a fox to crazy like fox news.
Fear not the space behemoth.
In my dreams, I've peered beyond its eyes
and into the cackling hell within us all.
Okay, that's a good point.
Fry's right! Let's kill the captain and order some strippers!
Yeah, what he said. It's a mutiny led by fry!
That's enough insubordination, Mr. Fry!
String him up!
(Bender dry heaving)
Things look bad enough without having to look closer at them.
Bender: Look, off in the distance!
It's exhaling!
Leela: Use boaty talk!
Thar she blows!
(Whale singing)
All right, which of you space dogs
has the guts and know-how to harpoon that whale?
I spent a semester in Africa harpooning giraffes.
And giraffes are basically just land space-whales.
Ms. Wong, you have the 'poon.
(Harpoon loading)
(G rowls and galloping)
Oh, god, I'm having a serengeti flashback.
Die, you dirty giraffe!
(Screeching)
Well, I got it. Now what, captain?
You know, I'm not sure.
I guess I thought whales died when you harpooned them.
Ah!
Don't worry. I'll drop the anchor.
She's diving into the fourth dimension.
We have to cut the rope.
Negative, sailor moon. We're going for a sleigh ride.
I can see sideways in time.
(Speaking backwards)
Gee, I see cgi.
(Speaking backwards)
Poop.
Yeah.
(Singing) Bender, bender, bender bender, bender, bender
bender, bender, bender bender, bender, bender
That was the greatest, unaccountably infinite bunch of guys I ever met.
Look out! It's pulling us through a field of spacebergs.
Stupid rocks. Think they're so great.
Well, they are giant diamonds.
(Laughing excitedly)
Come to papa.
A lot of bender fell out of the crow's nest. We need to cut the line.
Enough of your mad obsession with bender, fry.
We've got to murder that whale, or die trying.
This has gone too far.
Bender's one of planet express's most expensive appliances.
And he's in trouble.
That's it. I warned you.
Fry, zoidberg, I now pronounce you man and...
So close.
(Wind blowing)
(Ship creaking)
Unsit me, Mr. Conrad. We can't let the whale win.
You're all too weak. I can see that now.
So I'll have to be my own crew. Understood?
You've gone mad, captain.
That's enough out of me.
Now, come on, I got to find that whale.
I found him!
(Screaming)
With my oxo good grips cheese knife, I stab at thee.
You do know I'm stabbing at thee, right?
Ahhh!
(Pulsing sounds)
Oh!
Ahhh!
Hello.
Think, zoidberg. You must remember something.
No, nothing.
For all I know, our friends could have been eaten
by some kind of crazy space whale.
Damn that Bermuda tetrahedron.
It's taken my latest crew just as it took my first one.
Not to mention those single socks from the dryer, am I right?
Shut up, zoidberg.
Zoidberg, the grieving relatives will be gathered here tomorrow
in need of comfort.
And with no stone monument,
they may well demand that I refund their admission fees.
(Both sobbing)
Where are we?
In the belly of the beast.
Like that Bible guy who got swallowed by the whale,
Pinocchio.
This is all obsessy bessy's fault.
Right on, sister.
We should be back at planet express right now,
hiding from work in the ceiling.
Butno!
For the last time, I'm not obsessed.
I just want this whale to die, die, die!
(Rumbling)
What's that loud digesting sound?
Fry: Holy crap! Four-dimensional bowels!
Einstein was right.
Why? Why?
Also what and how?
Man: The great fish has chosen you for a higher purpose.
It's a great mammal. See? It's got whiskers.
And I saw it lactating earlier.
Wait, who said that?
(Gasps)
I was once lando Tucker, captain of the first planet express ship.
I'm turanga Leela, captain of the current planet express ship.
What's going on?
It's very simple.
Well, actually it's very complicated.
Luckhy, I'm here to explain it.
You see, this space whale feeds on obsession.
Wow. Are you gross looking. Go on.
The great space serpent... Mammal.
Figured out long ago
that no one's more obsessed than space captains.
Ohlah!
What are these things? Get away!
The whale's nearly sucked me dry.
It'll need a new source of obsession once I'm gone.
How many times do I have to tell other people? I'm not obsessed.
The whale is obsession, Leela.
And you are the whale!
I am not the whale!
All I wanted was to complete my delivery.
Is that too much to ask? One chicken pickin' delivery?
This whale's gonna pay.
It can't escape what it already is, me!
I am the whale!
See?
Ahhh!
(Whale singing)
Fifty years, junior. Fifty years of crippling sorrow.
Popsicles here. Can't mourn the dead without a Popsicle.
You think a Popsicle gonna bring my daughter back?
No, sir.
You just talked yourself out of a sale.
Poor Amy.
My days of joy and luck are over.
Guess I got to quit that club.
I can't believe our Leela's gone.
You always think you're going to disappear in space before your children.
Welcome, everyone.
What a pleasure to see so many miserable faces.
(Exclaiming)
Lemony!
I had intended to unveil a beautiful stone memorial today.
But due to the recent tragedy,
I humbly ask you to join me in a simple prayer.
All: Boo!
No refunds! Shut up and bow your heads!
O, mighty Isis...
Oh, no. My deal is doing the thing.
(Lightning cracking)
Good lord, it's some kind of inter-dimensional space whale.
I just remembered, that's the guy.
Now with the horror hair.
(All screaming)
(Choir music)
All: Oh!
Popsicles. Fill your gaping mouth with a Popsicle.
Leela, you're alive.
Is that how you and your friends are dressing now?
Hello, everyone.
I suppose you're wondering why my flesh has melded
with that of a giant space whale.
I'll admit to a polite interest.
At first I was consumed by a dark obsession to kill the whale.
Then I was consumed by the whale.
That sounds clever, but it doesn't explain much.
Shut up, zoidberg.
Okay.
You see, beneath my obsession lay an even deeper obsession.
An obsession so strong, it allowed me to overpower the beast's will
and pilot it through space and time.
An obsession with completing my delivery.
Get your...
All: Yay!
Poorlando. This is just how I want to remember him.
Too bad, 'cause he's still alive.
Lando?
Told you I'd be back.
You've grown, junior.
I'm 61.
I don't know him. What else you got?
(Choir music)
(All exclaiming)
They haven't aged a day.
The whale must have some kind of mobius colon
that endlessly recycles time and space.
Yep. That stands up to scrutiny.
I should have listened to my crew.
That space whale wasn't a monster.
It was the obsession of me and others like me
that made it into a monster.
Mainly you.
On the other hand, the stupid fish did eat us.
You guys want to do this?
Yeah.
You know it!
So, Johnny, are we going to pick up where we left off?
Hey.
English - us - psdh