♪ ["BRUTAL" BY OLIVIA RODRIGO PLAYING] ♪
What is wrong with you?
Bitch!
Can you fucking believe it?
She's the one who told Gossip Girl.
She's a bitch!
♪ I'm so insecure, I think... ♪
You told Gossip Girl I gave you crabs?
You told her I told Brown you're Latinx?
You were with Jared this entire time?
You made out with each other to get followers?
- And it worked. - Prude.
VOICE 1: You slept with the help?
VOICE 2: Your Birkin is a knockoff!
♪ All I did was try my best ♪
♪ This the kind of thanks I get? ♪
♪ Unrelentlessly upset... ♪
Oh, no. Blue is for sending in a tip.
I didn't send that one. Let me see?
Oh, that was me.
I did it from your account, remember?
Right.
Go ahead and stare. I'm not ashamed.
Go on, laugh, get your money's worth.
You still looking at that?
You're right. There's no use. It's too hard.
...so you can look your fifty cents' worth.
Well, you can search by name.
...for the privilege of staring at a girl the way your wives won't let you.
Doesn't matter.
What do you suppose we think of you up here?
With your silly smirks your mothers would be ashamed of.
♪ All I did was try my best This the kind of thanks I get?♪
♪ Unrelentlessly upset ♪
♪ They say these are The golden years ♪
♪ But I wish I could disappear Ego crush is so severe ♪
♪ God, it's brutal out here ♪
♪ Yeah♪
♪ Got a broken ego Broken heart ♪
♪ God, I don't even know ♪
♪ Where to start ♪
Okay.
Well, I don't know about you all, but...
I think it's been a very long and boring break
now that I'm no longer a demagogue.
I had a lovely visit with my parents and their many cats.
Explains the sweater.
We knew this would happen when we went nuclear.
Who'd wanna send in a tip
when they know that we'll say who did it?
Phase two is ongoing, on its own, without us.
I don't have palpitations when I get my screen activity report,
and I'm finally able to sleep at night.
You think hashtag "Tip Gate" made things better?
I watched Pippa Sykes try and run over Bianca Breer
with a Lime scooter twice.
It's true. It's World War Teen.
How will kids be better to each other
without us policing them?
They have to learn to police themselves for a change,
which is what they're supposed to do.
It was a noble experiment,
and like most, it failed.
And we didn't get arrested in the process.
Now, I have to get into the city and get back to work.
Work?
We're on break.
I don't get multiple alimony checks like you do.
Just marry people and underreport your wages.
It's easy.
We didn't get our holiday bonuses, remember?
The school that charges 90,000 a year
"needed the money" after the pandemic.
I had to take on an odd job.
I am back to an old Barnard seasonal gig.
Returning and-or exchanging unwanted Christmas gifts
for rich people.
But hey, at least Constance will have a new gym.
You have to share a room?
Oh, my God.
We have to be out by the middle of January,
farthest extension they'd give me.
I didn't have too many options.
But by the time you girls get back from Hudson,
this will be home.
- I know it's not ideal. - Dad, it's fine, okay?
We're just grateful to be together.
Right?
Right, yeah. I mean...
Anywhere is better than Indiana.
Um, and this is what, like...
an hour away from school?
Yeah, plus or minus.
I can stay the weekend
and help you clean out the apartment.
Besides, Shan has been blowing up my phone
- about New Year's Eve. - No.
No, no, no, no.
Hey. You're coming with us.
New Year's is my favorite holiday,
and we go to Aki's dad's Hudson house
every year since we were 13.
It's the most quaint, wonderful weekend.
We just lay around, eat food, play games,
and then we dress up for New Year's
just to party with each other.
- That sounds fun. - Perfect.
Hey, we've, you know,
already spent the last ten days together.
- That was sister time. - Okay.
This weekend's about friends.
Okay? And you are one.
Everyone wants you there anyway, so, uh...
Right, Audrey?
Audrey?
Of course. It's my dream.
Should we go measure the closet?
Hello?
Hi, Mr. Wolfe, I'm so sorry to bother you
when you're in Wainscott.
I just, um, I haven't been able to get a hold of Max
and I was just curious to see if he'd be able to be
back in time to head to Hudson with us?
Max didn't come to Wainscott, sweetheart.
He's at home.
Like home-home?
I take it Max didn't tell you about the divorce?
Oh, my God, no.
No, he didn't. I'm--
I'm so sorry, Mr. Wolfe. I...
I gotta go.
Fuck.
Hey, I'm sorry, I have to go. Wait. Where are you going?
I'm so sorry about this. Bye.
I told you, I'm thinking about it.
What is there to think about? You can't actually want
to go upstate instead of hanging with me.
Julien needs me, okay?
- She really needs my support. - We've been over this.
You're always about what Julien needs.
We decided next year was gonna be twenty-twenty-you.
Look. She's my sister, okay?
Technically.
But you've known each other for what? Four months?
I've gone to school with these guys for years.
Do you even know what Cruella de Haan's parents are?
- What they do? - What does that have to do with anything?
Shitty people make shitty babies.
There, I said it.
They are not your people!
Launch your new life the right way, with me.
Now, who do we want to do our makeup for free?
Bergdorf or Sephora?
All you have to do is make yourself cry.
♪ ["BIG WHEEL" BY SAMIA PLAYING] ♪
And all those tips you sent in about
which of my outfits were repeats
and which I had to pay full price for?
I was just trying to keep you front of mind. Be mad at Luna.
She sent in actual terrible stuff about Zoya.
But honest.
Okay, it would've been worse not to.
Besides, a new year is dawning.
And now that Gossip Girl has committed hara-kiri,
the airwaves are free and clear
for you to jam them again with your supreme frequency.
It's time, JC.
- No one wants me, Mone. - One person does.
Or did.
Okay, whatever, you have two options.
You can create a drama
that no one can take their eyes off of.
Exhibit A and A.
Break up your best friend's relationship
and run off with her man.
Aki's numbers have been going up
ever since he took down Isaiah Woodard.
He may be in love with another man,
and woman,
but I say yes to the mess. Bonus points if it ends
with the three of you in bed together.
Yeah. - Or four.
I'm not doing that.
She's like my sister!
Let's not bring up Exhibit C, then.
Oh, my God. I'm truly disgusted right now.
Yeah, we figured. Which is why you're doing
Exhibit Bergmann instead.
Okay, Obie's over me. Again.
Oh, honey, he wanted to be over you. A lot.
But you didn't let him.
Hudson's where you lost your virginity to each other.
And since you haven't slept with anyone since him,
you can do it all over again.
And I can hang in the adjoining room
and pretend the Nest caught it on cam to get you viral.
You love him.
And he loves you.
We spent a year locked away
with our status quo still intact.
Of course everything's gonna change
the second we emerge.
But now, we're realizing just how great things were.
Ben Affleck went back to a Jennifer.
Things can be the way they were.
♪ If he's somewhere Getting smarter ♪
♪ On a free man's odyssey
♪ God, I'm really gonna blow
♪ With all this Empathetic shit... ♪
I get him back, you get me back?
Yes.
Your new and improved IG is ready to go.
The first post, the two of you at midnight,
lip-locked and loaded.
♪ I got bad news But I didn't fight ♪
She went for it!
This does not smell good in here.
No, no, no, no.
I distinctly told the bouncer not to let you guys...
let you guys in. I forgot we invited him in.
What's going on, Max?
- Are you on something? - Mm-hmm.
Yeah, everything. And it's not working.
I am drugged up and I am fucked out
and I still feel it.
- Feel what? - Both of you.
Both of you.
Just grab my hand. Stop. Stop.
You need to breathe right now.
Take a deep breath.
Not too deep.
No, it's not working. It doesn't work.
Of course it doesn't fucking work, breathing.
Your dad told us about the divorce.
Oh, yeah?
Is that why you guys are here?
No, we're here because we care about you, okay?
Well, uh, I'm fine.
And my parents' marriage
has got absolutely nothing to do with me.
So thank you guys for checking in.
You're coming to my dad's for New Years, right?
No, absolutely not. No.
We go every year.
Well, you know what, things are different this year.
They haven't been. But they can be.
Yeah, we need to stop ignoring
how much we actually care about each other.
No, stop! Stop, okay?
You fucking guys, you don't get it.
Having sex with you, it actually makes me feel bad
because I don't just want sex.
Neither do we!
Wh--
Sorry, I didn't mean to yell.
We want the same thing.
We're all products of a broken home, you know?
Not one of us knows what a healthy relationship is.
Let alone one that's different.
What about Audrey and I?
Aren't we healthy?
Sometimes.
But where do I fit in?
We do not have to have all of the answers right now.
Let's just... let's go to Hudson.
And when we get there, we can continue talking about this,
but right now, you need to go find some pants and...
maybe take a long shower. Because you need it.
Fine. Fine.
We cannot push him.
We won't.
We just...
need to remind him that we're still best friends and...
show him how this might work.
I mean, how might it?
I don't know yet.
- Jules? What are you, uh... - Well, I still have my keycard,
and since you're not answering any of my texts,
I thought I would surprise you with some pre-New Year's.
Yeah, it's just, I'm not, um... Alone?
Is your mom here? Or Heidi?
Otto? Everything alright?
Yeah, uh, it's fine. It's just a friend.
- I'll just-- I'll be up in a second. - I'm so sorry.
I...
No, Jules, wait. Jules. - I feel so stupid.
I, um, I was just...
wanting to make sure that you're coming to Hudson.
- Oh. - Or if that you were, um,
but you probably have other plans.
It's just that I've been, you know,
I've been seeing somebody, uh, for the past couple weeks,
and we were just-- we were gonna do New Year's
- together here, so... - Yeah, that's, um...
Wonderful! Truly, yeah.
It's just, I thought it'd be weird,
you know, to bring in a girl I just started dating
to a party with my ex-girlfriend and all that, so...
Exes. Because...
Zoya is gonna be there.
Yeah.
You take care of yourself.
And, uh...
Oh! I'll see you at school.
♪ ["TRUE SEEKERS" BY SLEIGH BELLS PLAYING] ♪
♪ Everything Everything's tempting ♪
♪ I've got my DNR ♪
♪ Drag my dress Across the street...♪
Her name is Grace Byron.
How did you--
Who is she?
Daughter of Charlotte Byron,
some Virginia state senator or something.
Look, JC, I do owe you a Christmas gift,
and this one seems perfect.
What are you talking about?
They've known each other ten days.
Taking that down is easier than
knocking out bowling pins with gutter rails.
We invite her to Hudson,
Obie sees you side by side, no comparison, end of story.
I don't think-- Nor should you.
That's why you have us.
Sure, he said no to your invitation or whatever.
But when we invite the entire school
to our normally closed New Year's Party,
she'll convince him that he just has to go,
because everyone else is.
And then when she comes, you let us take care of Grace
with our usual grace.
They just started dating.
So we destroy it before either are fully invested.
A win for all.
Oh, and it's also black-tie now. Just to weed out the riffraff.
♪ ["GOLDEN" BY ZELLA DAY PLAYING] ♪
♪ Real love is the only way To start ♪
♪ Illuminate the shadows Of my heart ♪
♪ The city is the only place To go ♪
♪ But we can take it fast Or take it slow ♪
♪ When we move Across the floor ♪
♪ We are golden...♪
This is the quaint weekend house?
I think I saw a basketball court on the way in.
That was a helipad.
Hi!
How was the ride? Long.
Your bath is stocked with L'Objet bath salts
- as you like, Miss La. - Thanks, Special K.
This is Kenneth. He's the property manager.
If you need anything, just reach out to him. He's your guy.
Happy to show you to your room later, Miss Lott.
Thanks.
Oh, you must be looking for me.
You're a teacher at my daughter's school, aren't you?
Right. That's how we found you.
My assistant is away with his family, of all things,
and unfortunately these need to be exchanged
before the end of the year
for the Bouton d'or yellow gold.
They're already on hold,
but Marcello is having them cleaned,
so you'll have to return the rose gold today
and go back in the morning for the new ones.
Do not take the subway.
Do not take a car service.
You walk.
And as long as these are in your hands,
they're your responsibility.
If you lose them, you pay for them.
And you cannot pay for them.
Got it.
Obie! You came.
Everybody, this is Grace.
And I hope that I'm not making a huge mistake
introducing you to her.
Thank you so much for having me, Akeno.
That's exactly how his mom says it.
Oh, did I get it wrong?
No, that's how you're supposed to say it.
Nice to meet you.
- I'm Monet. - Luna.
Zoya.
I'm J--
No introduction necessary.
I've been following you for years,
and half the products on my face come from you.
And I know this is a special weekend for y'all,
and I'm honored to be included.
No, it was imperative that you come, actually.
No, please, make yourself comfortable.
Hi there, Grace. Hi, Grace. Lovely to meet you.
Hello. Hi. How are you?
It's so nice to see you again, uh...
Rosa.
So, what did I miss? Who are you?
- It's Obie's friend. - It's okay, you can say it.
Girlfriend? - Oh.
God, no. Not yet.
I was gonna say date.
Um...
Obie, do you wanna give Grace the tour?
Yeah, let's go.
When you invited Camilla to dinner,
I didn't think I was gonna have to
act like Princess fucking Diana all weekend
with a fake smile plastered on my face.
So, forget bowling. This is tic-tac-toe.
He met her in the absence of you
and thought she was a star, right?
But next to you? She's bus and truck.
She won't make it past midnight.
Does anybody understand you?
Only the right people.
Look, at lunch, we'll get her talking.
Every single thing that she has to say
is a clue to what she doesn't want us to know.
- Come on. - Yeah. Go.
Do you wanna go on a walk with us?
Wake me up when there's food and booze.
Where are you?
Are you hiding from me?
Rob!
You're late.
Oh, I missed you, Lulu.
Prove it.
Yeah? - Mm-hmm.
Ooh! Oh, my goodness.
Queen, what is this delight?
Oh, I just whipped up a little something to start our meal.
I got that duck sausage that you like,
- so I thought... - Beautiful.
Is that pasta from scratch?
Just pici, it's easier than you think.
No, she's being humble.
Literally everything that she cooks is unreal.
Oh, wait. I think we forgot to make the sangria.
- What the hell. I'll do it. - That's an emphatic yes from me.
I'll just text Kenneth to bring the wine up.
No, Grace and I can go grab the wine.
I wanted to show her the cellar.
No!
I... Grace needs to show us how to eat her pasta.
Right.
Z, can you grab the wine?
- Sure. It's, uh, where? - The cellar.
So, go past the kitchen
to the door at the base of the stairs,
make a right, and then continue down that hallway
until you see another stairway. And that's where it is.
Okay.
As fast as possible.
So, how'd you guys meet?
At Teterboro.
Were you going to Germany?
No, I, uh, I was--
He had no idea where he was going.
He was a mess.
He walked into our plane thinking it was his.
Once I sat down, I couldn't get up.
He admitted he had nowhere to go.
So I asked him if he could go anywhere,
anywhere in the world, where would it be?
- And I said... - Two years ago.
It just broke my heart.
Cause that's what we all want, right?
To go back before COVID, before everything changed.
So I took him to Paris.
And then to Split. And then to Fez.
And then to Virginia for Christmas.
Taught him how to make biscuits like my Meemaw taught me.
And we played chess.
She destroyed me a few times, but...
He submitted each time with dignity,
which I found sexy.
So you're competitive? I guess.
A little.
Isn't everyone?
Look, I have literally never seen her lose.
I mean, she has a wall of trophies
for everything from jumping to judo.
Great!
After lunch, games.
Where is that wine?
Yeah? Sorry,
I know you're basically at the White Lotus or whatever,
but I had to update you.
Guess who we just met on the subway?
Who?
Aziza fucking Barnes.
Seriously?
You would've loved them. They were so chill,
even invited us to a poetry reading later.
And the best part?
Aziza said their friend Jericho would be there.
Jericho Brown? Hey, girl!
What if I see him read "Night Shift" live?
I'll expire.
Shit!
Where'd you go?
What the hell?
I think I'm actually in the house of a Tarantino villain.
Do you need to be rescued? We should've made a code word.
I just might. I'll let you know.
I'll call you back later.
Where the fuck am I?
Shit! Are you kidding me?
Fucking kidding me?
I think it's your turn. Yeah, I think it's Grace's turn.
She knows it's her turn. - Oh, God.
- Mmm... - Mm-mm.
Oh, my God. I did it. I did it.
- Okay, okay. - Yes!
Decent.
- My turn. - Julien.
- No. - Okay.
No, no, no. - Audrey!
Just let her pick one.
Okay, fine. Okay. That's the game.
Okay. Careful.
I knew that was gonna happen!
Zoya! What are you doing out there?
I mean, seriously, guys.
Are you fucking kidding? I was calling all of you.
I'm so sorry. I got lost at Mar-a-Lago once.
Not the place you wanna open random doors,
I will tell you that.
We're gonna play feminist Taboo.
Come, join.
Hey, make sure Grace loses.
Grace! Be my partner.
Oh, sure. - Jules?
Obes, you're mine.
I think we should split up.
I only play emotional games.
Sorry, Z, but you're on your own.
- Hey, Maxie. - Mm, hey.
- Farmer Rob? - Mm-hmm.
You usually seem happier after you've seen him.
This time was different. Why? What happened?
- He's moving. - Oh, no.
To the city. - Oh, no.
It's some grand romantic gesture.
He even applied for an internship
at the Bronx Zoo and everything.
Well, you know, it could be fun.
You finally get to center your side piece.
You like him, don't you?
I like him up here.
Down there... I'm not so sure.
What about you?
You seem a bit more centered yourself.
No. No, no, no, no. Try in the middle.
And it is not my favorite position.
Sounds like we both have decisions to make.
Oh, no. You have a decision to make.
- I'm removing myself. - Too bad it's an hour away.
Ah. And just canceled.
Oh, fu-- Damn.
Smash the... - Patriarchy.
- Yes! - Nice.
- Out. You can't say "smash." - Aw.
It's okay. Next time.
- Okay, you ready? All right. - Let's do it. Yep.
You met her at that place you hate.
Zadie Smith.
Obie's godmother.
You're not supposed to like it, but you do.
Thigh gap? Of course. Audrey...
I'm not supposed to like it, but I do.
Digital penetration. What?
Uh, it was Woody Allen films.
Hey, Kenneth!
For the guest. - Oh, none for me.
Tequila is not my friend.
Bit of a lightweight.
Obie and I forfeit. It's you two for the win.
Uh, okay?
Then I guess it's your turn, babe.
Okay. I love winning.
- You ready? - Mm-hmm.
Okay, um, famous female artist. Unibrow.
This is easy. Uh...
Uh, Latina? Married to-- No, I can't say that. Um...
Julien? Are you serious?
Was in a bus accident once?
Uh, what? She serious?
Oh! Salma Hayek. Oh, yeah.
Okay, well, she... - Time. Um, Audrey and Aki win.
No. - Yes! No surprises.
I'm so sorry.
We just have to get to know each other better.
Get them next time, partner?
Yeah.
Fucking Grace!
Did you see the way he looks at her?
I mean, I get it, I wanna date her too.
This was... This was a huge mistake.
I can't compete against American royalty.
No, we did dynasties, not monarchies,
and I mean my tense there.
Look, sure, the Byrons are old money,
but old money is yesterday's currency, okay?
You are Julien fucking Calloway.
Even when your dad was public enemy number one,
Balenciaga still sent you samples.
Grace Whatever has never even seen a runway show.
She's catalogue only. Full Draper James.
And you think you can't top that?
You know what? You're right.
'Cause she's not even on the same mountain.
And more importantly,
- Miss Congeniality is a mean drunk. - Can I fucking help you?
- That's why she said no downstairs. - What the fuck was that for?
- Don't fucking film me! - Oh, my God.
- How did you find this? - Do you know who I am?
You've gotta stop asking me that.
Great. Now we know what tonight's entertainment will be.
We'll get her drunk and we'll get the cameras rolling.
Don't worry, JC. We'll leave you out of it.
Let us mean girls turn her into a mean girl.
This shit'll be stitched from now until St. Paddy's Day.
And Obie will be yours before the countdown even begins.
Hey, you wanna not watch a movie?
You guys, you gotta stop doing this.
- Does he know we mean sex? - Yes, he knows we mean sex.
I want you to stop meaning anything.
The sitting next to me, the staring at me longingly,
the cornering me, the centering me. I mean,
I'm not some object.
Okay? I'm flesh and blood.
How am I even saying these things?
You are not an object, Max.
Nothing has ever felt
more right, more natural, more organic
than when we're together.
No! No. You-- you're together.
You don't get it. I-- I'm extra. You know?
And you can't see that from the inside,
but I'm out here and it's scary and it feels unsafe and...
You know what?
What are you doing here?
I'm just passing through.
I didn't ask you in.
Last I heard, you don't own this place.
That's a bad joke, I'm sorry.
You're not really someone who should be joking about...
about anything.
I just wanted to stop by and say how grateful I am to you.
I would never have imagined things working out like this.
You...
taking in my daughter.
I'm happy to have done it.
Where are you moving?
Look, I already told your lawyers.
I wanna help.
I think we got it.
I wanna help you stay.
Julien is my daughter.
And not only do I love her,
but I am still responsible for her.
They haven't taken that away from me.
This might be the only way I can still take care of her.
You'll have to find another way.
Thanks. But we're good.
♪ ["WILD HEART" BY STEVIE NICKS PLAYING] ♪
- Oh, my God! How cute is this? - Right?
Am I weird that I kind of like the smell of bars?
No, not at all.
Well, then you'll love this place.
We come every year. Ironically, of course.
- Uh, do you want a drink? - Uh, just a Diet Coke, please.
No, no, don't worry.
Grace has a soft spot for normal people.
So we'll use her politeness against her.
She won't be able to resist if locals and bar staff
keep offering her drinks, right?
And luckily, my friend basically works here.
What can I get you?
Patron, please, papi.
Um, none for me. I can't do shots.
Oh, Grace, it would be rude to refuse, right?
One won't kill you.
Okay. One.
Yes! Okay. Whoo! To new friends.
♪ I will not Forget this night... ♪
A, uh, rye Manhattan. Templeton, if possible.
How about a Jack and Coke?
Make it a double and we're good.
Was wondering if we'd see you this year.
Oh, yeah, it's tradition.
Warms our heart to see such consistent young love.
You two are the cutest couple I've ever seen.
That's what I keep telling them.
♪ Don't blame it on me ♪
♪ Blame it on my wild heart... ♪
Well, what's the verdict?
Still in deliberations.
- Hmm. - You?
- Nothing to decide. - That's not true, boo.
- And if you want my advice... - Did I ask?
It's like the first day at the pool.
You just gotta jump in.
When I first met Rob, do you remember what you told me?
That if you didn't sit on it, then I would?
To not be afraid of what could be.
I disclosed right away and found out.
And "what could be" has been for a few fun years now.
And who are you to ever miss out on fun, huh?
Jump.
♪ In dark sorrow They gaze down ♪
♪ Into the darkest heart
♪ If I leave you...
There's something that you make that I love,
but I can't remember what it is.
Two White Russians please, Gerta.
Yes, that's right.
Yeah.
♪ You say You don't even know... ♪
Look, I just wanna say,
thank you for being so nice to Grace.
You know, I mean, I was...
I was worried that it might be too much too soon,
but... I don't know,
I don't know why I was worried at all, she fits right in.
Yeah, she does.
Come on. Just one more, come on.
Uh... Okay, but then that is it.
Oh, my God, you are so fun.
Okay. Can we have two more, please?
God, it...
it feels good to let loose. I haven't since Japan last year,
and that was a little too much fun,
- if you know what I mean. - I do.
I just have to be on my best behavior
'cause my mom, you know, eyes everywhere,
reporters always trying to get you at your worst.
You do not have to worry about any of that with us.
I mean, Aki's dad owns the media.
How do you think we've been drinking here since middle school?
You can do anything you want,
and it won't ever be a thing, I promise.
Let's party like it's Golden Gai, huh?
Come on.
Whoo!
Cheers.
Should I go see if the bouncer has coke?
Oh, the bouncer has coke.
I made sure of it.
I've had a shit day.
- ♪ - Oh, sorry, I didn't even...
I made 20 dollars an hour
returning clothes, shoes, and jewelry
worth more than a decade of my salary
for people whose staff have the holidays off.
At one point, I calculated
I was walking around with 200,000 dollars worth of things.
And I got some tips, but that doesn't really make up
for the scolding I also received.
Like, this one lady said she'd ruin me
because the place she sent me to only offered store credit
in exchange for a 9,000-dollar coat
she wore once and returned.
I can't keep Zoya in Constance
and also pay for a comfortable rental,
even in Queens.
I'm trying to figure out how to, but...
Davis offered to buy this place...
so that we could stay.
Along with a good chunk of money to take care of Julien.
You're gonna say no, right?
I don't know.
But he promised to stay out of our lives.
Said that that's the last thing he would do for Julien.
Honestly...
would you take the money?
It's never just about the money,
and it would never be the last thing.
I mean, you take his money,
you're in his pocket forever, you know that.
People like Davis use money to control us.
Your morals are a lot more valuable, I think.
If you take his money, you're giving those away, right?
And you never compromise your morals?
I sure have.
And, uh, I'll probably pay for it
in the future, most likely,
but you've lived a life where you haven't had to,
so why start now?
It might be hard to figure out how you'll do it all yourself,
but I know you.
You'll find a way.
I really needed to hear somebody else say that.
Thank you.
So, I've been thinking about what you said...
about moving to New York,
and if you're serious about that...
and you're serious about me...
- you know... - Yeah.
Fuck, yes, Lulubelle. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, I'd love to.
Um...
I'm gonna go put our song on the jukebox
and go buy everybody a round.
We don't have a song.
Sure we do.
Yeah, I think it works, but, um...
how do we pitch it?
I think we just have to have fun together.
Get him to stop thinking and start feeling.
But he'll never go for this. He's afraid of us.
Let's make him remember why he likes us.
How?
♪ ["SOMETHING JUST LIKE THIS" BY THE CHAINSMOKERS & COLDPLAY PLAYS] ♪
Oh, God, this song. Come on.
- What? - He loves cheese, remember?
♪ Been reading books of old
Don't lie, you love this.
♪ The legends and the myths Achilles and his gold ♪
Come on, Max. Dance with us.
♪ Hercules and his gifts
I told you this wouldn't work.
Just give it a second.
♪ Batman with his fists
Okay.
♪ And clearly I don't see myself Upon that list ♪
♪ But she said Where do you wanna go? ♪
Don't fight it. We know you love this shit.
♪ I'm not looking for somebody With some superhuman gifts ♪
Come on!
♪ Some superhero Some fairytale bliss ♪
This fucking song.
♪ Just something I can turn to
♪ Somebody I can kiss
♪ I want something Just like this ♪
♪ Doo-doo-doo Doo-doo-doo ♪
♪ Doo-doo-doo Doo-doo ♪
♪ Doo-doo-doo Doo-doo-doo♪
♪ I want something Just like this ♪
Hey!
♪ I want something Just like this ♪
This can work, Max.
Uh, yeah, uh, we have a plan, actually.
Um, you and Audrey can hang out from Monday to Wednesday,
and you and I can hang out from Thursday to Saturday.
Yeah, and we all spend Sunday together.
You're serious? We are.
Yes, we are. - Wow.
- Come on. - Grace, I just-- No, I don't--
Don't you wanna kiss me?
- No, no. - Kiss me!
No, I-- I don't think that's a good idea.
It's okay. Oh, um, just--
- ♪ ["SHALLOW" BY BRADLEY COOPER & LADY GAGA PLAYING] ♪ - This my part.
♪ Something, boy
♪ Aren't you tired Trying to fill that void? ♪
♪ Or do you need more?
Do you-- do you want to just give me the mic?
♪ Ain't it hard Keepin' it so hardcore? ♪
Just give me the mic? Just give me the mic.
You wanna sing? Yes! Yes. Everyone...
- No, I-- Jesus. - Julien's going to sing!
No, I'm not gonna sing.
She's beautiful, I love her.
She's the Bradley to my Cooper.
My parents, they're about to pass me
back and forth like a dessert that they're sharing.
And you guys, you wanna do the same thing?
Do you even-- Do you even care what's on the line for me?
If it doesn't work out, if someone gets jealous?
Or you two, you just get tired of the extra-- extra effort.
Then I'm the expendable one.
No. I'm done having this conversation.
Just leave me alone and let me go.
♪ In the sha-la Sha-ha-llow... ♪
Maybe we can go get some fresh air?
Do you think that I should intervene?
I don't need air, I need tequila.
No, you definitely don't.
♪ In the sha-ha... ♪ - Thank you.
Don't you think she's had enough?
You're probably right.
She's already far exceeded expectation.
Oh, why do you think she's here, Zoya?
So that Obie can see her mess and get back with Julien.
And then JC can go back to the way things were
before Gossip Girl.
Hmm?
Everyone sing!
I need to tell you a secret.
Okay. Okay.
I thought I had to compete with you, but I didn't.
You're losing to yourself.
Give me the mic!
Hey! Why are you being like this? Be fun.
- Grace! - Be fun, bitch.
Grace, I think it's time that we go, okay?
Really? - Yes.
Now you're on her side?
Fucking Yankees. All the same.
And you know what, Julien?
You suck at games!
We gotta get her out of here. I'm trying.
Oh, my God, you guys. It's the--
It's the door guy who sold me drugs.
- It's time to go. - Do you know that's a federal crime?
Grace, stop! Give me the mic.
You-- you want the mic?
Grace. You want the mic?
Mic drop!
Grace. Okay, that's it. Come down.
Oh, my God. No.
Oh, my God. No. Help me.
Hmm, I wonder where Grace is?
Blanche DuBlah's probably sleeping off her shame spiral,
which is what I'm trying to do, but you keep on talking.
Oh, for fuck's sake.
Okay. So listen.
First off, we wanna say we're really sorry.
We... We feel terrible.
We should've never spoken to you that way,
and you're not expendable to us, Max.
But you're right.
We've been together for a long time,
and we understand that
you may feel that you have more to lose.
So here's our proposal.
We wanna date you.
Together.
Equals, the three of us.
A triad.
Which is not... It's not a throuple, okay?
It's a real relationship.
It's based on the fact that
all three sides of a triangle are equal.
What that means is that...
well, if being together like that doesn't work
for all three of us, then it doesn't work for any of us.
We break up.
Her and me.
You and us and...
Honestly, all or nothing.
If you're in, we're in.
But if not, no worries.
It's not an ultimatum.
But we just don't work without you.
And we don't want to. That's what's fun.
Hey!
I thought you might need these.
But you seem way ahead of me.
I don't remember much of last night,
but it must be bad.
I woke up on the bathroom floor,
and I haven't seen Obie once this morning.
I'm afraid to even open my phone.
No, it-- it wasn't that bad.
You're sweet. But I'm a politician's kid.
I can smell spin.
Well, listen, this is just a hazing.
They do it to everybody new.
I mean, take it from me. Julien's my sister,
and you wouldn't believe what they've tried.
But I'm still here.
I'd rather leave with the last shred of dignity I have.
If you leave right now, you're just letting them win.
And I can tell Obie is really into you.
You think staying is winning?
Just makes them think it was all okay.
I gotta go.
You, Aud, and Ak looked great on the dance floor last night.
Hmm. So did you and Pabst Blue Robert.
Hmm.
Three, two, one.
Will I be leaving with a gift or just extra baggage?
Can I stay whole if I agree to become a third?
Hey, are you okay?
Grace left.
Oh.
Hey. Come here.
I know that I've been distracted this weekend
and it hasn't been exactly what I promised,
but I wanted to thank you for being here in support.
It has been so hard to be here with Grace and Obie.
But now that she's gone,
we can just have a peaceful New Year's,
no outsiders or--
I don't support what you did.
And I'm also an outsider here,
no matter how much you wanna pretend that that isn't true.
Why did you lie to me about
what this weekend was really about?
The getting rid of Grace stuff?
Really?
It wasn't about that. Not originally.
Things got out of hand, but...
This-- this weekend is about friends.
You keep saying that, but is this how friends act?
Look...
I know you want things to go back to the way they were,
but I really wish you didn't,
because they were awful for anyone that wasn't you.
And I'm not your friend, I'm your sister.
And as your sister, I'm telling you,
now is your only chance
to do something you've never done before.
Be a gracious loser, okay?
Stop fighting for everything,
and just be the bigger person and let it go!
Holding yourself accountable
instead of letting Gossip Girl and the rest of the world do it
could be the best thing to ever happen to you.
Oh. And, um, here is my invoice.
I also take, uh, Cash App or Venmo, if that's easier.
Why is there a cab receipt here?
You specifically told me not to take the subway or a rideshare.
Are you seriously trying to nickel and dime me right now?
The cost of the cab is like an hour of my time.
I don't see how it's my problem you don't listen.
Implicit to running errands for someone
is doing what they ask you to do.
And part of running errands for people is that
I was denied my end-of-year bonus
because the board, made up entirely of parents,
including you, decided that that money
would be better served going to a new gym.
So here I am returning 30,000-dollar earrings for you,
and you seriously want to argue about a 15-dollar cab?
You think you deserved a bonus this year?
You all complained about teaching during COVID,
so the school didn't reopen.
Do you know how hard it was on us working parents?
We didn't wanna risk our lives--
Then, you all allowed Gossip Girl
to taunt and torment them upon their return.
Not only did you do nothing about it,
but some of you even sent in tips yourselves.
Tips on kids you were in charge of.
If I could fire each and every one of you, I would.
So you being cheap was punitive?
That's the thing with you people,
you think you're entitled to something you didn't earn.
- Who people? - Middle-class white girls
who don't stand out, so they claim some kind of victimhood.
Push others to spread the wealth they themselves can't earn.
I pay 40% in taxes so you don't have to.
I trickle down so that you can teach in a safe environment,
eating cafeteria food cooked by Michelin chefs,
all while teaching the future lawmakers of America.
You're glorified babysitters
whose names will be hard to recollect in five years,
whereas the names of the kids you purport to teach
will never be forgotten.
It is a privilege
to work at Constance.
And the board...
felt you all needed to be reminded of that.
Thank you, Mrs. de Haan.
For reminding me why I do what I do.
Hey.
Have a second?
I'm still trying to get her.
That's what I wanted to talk to you about, actually.
Um, a-- apologize, really, which I know I do a lot.
It's not your fault.
It is.
I'm the reason she's gone.
What did you do?
Everything.
Obie, I love you.
It never stopped for me.
But you were willing to ditch me for my sister in, like, a week.
And then, now, for this person that you've known ten days.
I just wanted to show you that you don't really know her.
The only person you know is me.
I do know you.
And that's the problem.
I mean, I've known you so well for so long,
I've never had room...
to know myself.
And now, that's all I want. I...
I mean, Grace is open with me.
She told me about her past. Last night is not a surprise.
Okay? Just like it's not a surprise
that you're behind it.
- Yeah, because I love you. - But it's not about you.
Jules, it's not.
And it's not about Grace.
It's not about my parents. It's not about anybody.
It's about me. For once, me.
Having a chance to learn who I am.
Okay, just...
Just let me go.
Please.
I just had the most incredible,
infuriating, igniting thing happen.
Oh, my God. Breathing, right.
What happened?
I just told Camille de Haan off.
And she came back at me with the most
insane, irrelevant conservative bullshit.
Wait. Are you unpacking?
Good news. We're staying.
Did you pick up a new case?
You took his offer.
Had to do what's best for the girls.
Plus, I can continue taking pro bono cases this way.
I could actually do more for the community.
How noble.
I have to be a dad first.
Yes, you do.
And Zoya deserves a dad
who lives by an example he'd want her to follow.
Oh, my God. We're all just for sale, aren't we?
You're so righteous, Kate.
How's that working out for you?
'Cause you seem pretty judgmental for someone
who's never gotten a thing they want.
I wonder why?
Okay. Wow. We're going there?
None of this is easy.
None of this is right. It's just...
It's where I am right now.
So I can yell and scream about what I want,
or I can do the hard thing so my daughter doesn't have to.
Have you ever done that?
Just... something for a greater good?
'Cause until you do,
maybe just leave me the fuck alone.
♪ ["GOOD ONES" BY CHARLI XCX PLAYING] ♪
♪ I wish you gave me a reason ♪
♪ That you were better At leavin' ♪
♪ That you got your kicks From seeing me low ♪
♪ I always let The good ones go ♪
♪ And baby, you couldn't Have loved me any better ♪
♪ But doing this is...
Max is gone. He's not in his room.
Well, I guess that's our answer then.
♪ I always let The good ones go ♪
No, it's not.
You both look divine.
As do you.
Um...
I've never been in a relationship.
I-- Not only do I not know how one works, I...
I don't know how I might be in one.
But if you're willing to take a risk on me,
I'm willing to take a risk on you.
One for all or none for none, right?
That's a pact?
That's a pact.
♪ I let the good ones go ♪
♪ I let the good ones ♪
♪ Let you down easy I'm trying ♪
♪ 'Cause you're everything
♪ I've spent My whole life fighting... ♪
So...
Are there parties like this every week in the city?
Because I...
I took this suit from Mr. Menzies' closet.
You look great.
But you may not wanna stay after I say what I have to say.
I'm flattered you wanna spend more time with me.
But I'm not looking for more right now, from anyone.
But if I was, if I do, you'll be the first to know.
Maybe.
I get it. I mean, we were each other's escape.
And if I go there, that goes away.
But maybe you could come upstate more than just once a year?
I'd like that.
You know what else I'd like?
-♪ I let the good ones go - ♪ But doin' this is
♪ All that I've known Ever, ever, ever ♪
♪ I let the good ones go
What's going on?
I owe you both an apology.
This has been an insane last few months,
and I've taken you for granted more than once.
You are my people. And I don't always deserve you,
and you definitely don't deserve how I've treated you.
I keep promising that I'll do better,
but first chance I get to take something for myself,
I grab it.
What I did with Grace was pathetic and selfish.
I called her and told her everything.
She's gonna meet you at your house.
Go upstairs and pack, I got you a car.
Hey, this is the right place, right?
Yes. Go make yourself at home.
Come on, everybody.
Now remember, one of you gets me at midnight,
and the other one gets to go to the station alone.
What's going on?
Julien? Why are all these people here?
I invited them.
I invited the entire town.
Like you said, it should be open to everyone.
There's my big sister.
Thank you, Julien. Mwah.
I'm not done yet.
What, you're kicking me out, too?
Tarantino, bitch!
You were right.
You can be my sister and not my friend.
In fact, I'm glad that I have a sister
to keep me honest and remind me about who I am.
Or at least, who I can be.
Thank you, Z. You should be with your friends.
Okay, bye.
Tarantino! Whoo!
Get in the back. Get in the back.
Oh, my God!
Julien ruins everything. Why did it have to be her?
Anyone could have been it, even me.
You two, upstairs, I need to think.
And you're going to keep me focused.
Go.
♪ ["INTROVERT" BY LITTLE SIMZ PLAYING] ♪
Greetings, Gossip Girl.
You may have abandoned us, but I can't forget you.
And I don't want to.
You were the worst thing that ever happened to me,
but you also changed me.
And you can't leave yet.
You're not done.
A tip, though,
from one influencer to another,
you were too nice.
You cared too much.
That's not how this is supposed to go.
If you really wanna get us, you have to make us worry.
You have to make us squirm.
♪ The kingdom's on fire The blood of a young messiah ♪
♪ I see sinners in a church I see sinners in a church ♪
♪ Sometimes I might be introvert There's a war inside ♪
♪ I hear battle cries Mothers burying sons ♪
♪ Young boys playing with guns ♪
♪ The devil's a liar Fulfill your wildest desires ♪
♪ Now, I don't wanna be The one to doctor this ♪
♪ But if you can't feel pain ♪
♪ Then you can't feel The opposite ♪
♪ Find a way I'll find a way... ♪
You started with me,
so it only makes sense that you restart with me.
I'm going to send you everything you never knew
about everyone I know.
But there's a catch.
Not all of it will be true,
and you're not gonna know the difference.
No more kindness. It's time for chaos.
That's the only way you change the world.
You take the gloves off.
This deal has one condition.
While you go hard till there's nothing left,
I make it my mission to stop you before you ruin us all.
Mutually assured destruction, from one bitch to another.
♪ And so it begins...
You know I hate you, but I know you love me.
XOXO.
You have till midnight.
♪ Your introversion Led you here ♪
♪ Intuition protected you Along the way ♪
♪ Feelings allowed you To be well balanced ♪
♪ And perspective Gave you foresight ♪
♪ The top of the mountain Is nothing without the climb♪
♪ Only the strong will survive Only the strong will survive ♪
Is this your house?
Who are you?
I'm Julien fucking Calloway.
♪ Alone, but not lonely
♪ Your truth unveils with time
♪ As you embark on a journey Of what it takes to be a woman ♪
Hey there. Did you miss me?
You know I've missed you.