This programme contains some strong language.
Mr. Jolly was doing illegal organ transplants on the side, getting paid shitloads!
Never mind about that! I think our lives might be in danger!
The important thing is that in the time she has left, she has a stress-free environment.
We haven't got much time! Why? Your life could be in danger!
Put Channel 5 on now! Oh, my God! You've found it!
So you want me to make you up like him?
Yeah. Just a big, white paper-plate face. I thought you hated his guts.
You were always calling him. "Mr Jelly this, Mr Jelly that."
Jolly.
Well, I want to be a ladybird. We're in a very serious situation here!
I just need to go and pick up an item so I can get some money to take us away somewhere.
On the trip? If you like, yes. I need to look like that to get it.
I'd do it myself but I've only got one hand.
And what about Mrs Price? She'll be mad if we don't bring her.
Don't worry - she's got her... device for company.
Oh, the batteries'll have run out by now.
She falls asleep with it in. I'm forever getting up to switch it off.
Well, we'll send her a postcard when we get there.
Just concentrate and do as you're told for once! All right!
But I still want to be a ladybird.
Where are we going, David?
Do you remember when I was a little boy and we went on that caravan holiday in Whitley Bay?
We had that black-and-white portable and could only get Tyne Tees.
That's right. And I asked you what was the one thing you'd like to do before you died.
Yeah, and I said wine tasting in France.
No, you didn't. I did.
I still do - I'd love to do that.
Oh. I've completely misremembered it, then. What did you think I said?
Zorbing.
Whoa!
Keep your knees together - I can see between your legs!
Come on, Mum, you're OK. That's it.
Watch your head!
That was good, wasn't it?
That was like being in the washing machine.
Yeah, it was.
Ah, thanks, David.
That was better than wine tasting any day.
Mum, what's wrong?
I think this is probably it, son.
Is that him? Yeah.
We called you because we saw... this flagged up in his file.
Oh!
Tell me about your time at Ravenhill Hospital.
Never heard of it.
And you've never heard of...
Edwina Kenchington?
Doesn't ring a bell.
OK.
Well...
I'm not going anywhere.
I can wait.
Look, you have to charge me or release me.
I know my rights.
Oops.
Oh! Silly me.
Let's see if we can...
dry it off.
All right, all right! I was a patient at Ravenhill Hospital. Please...
just let me have the book.
Now we're getting somewhere.
So, you enter Ravenhill Hospital suffering from mild exhaustion and emerge...
seven years later as a recovering schizophrenic?
Do you know how many...
scientific breakthroughs have been made completely by accident, Inspector?
Archimedes' bath, Newton's apple,
Fleming's mouldy petri dish.
With me, it was strawberry Pop Tarts...
All the category D patients were on a rota to take Nurse Kenchington her breakfast.
But on this particular occasion,
she wasn't there.
Put that down and get out! Yes, Nurse Kenchington.
You didn't masturbate in my tea, did you?
No. No, I didn't.
Good. Because Patient Wilkinson did, and we soon put a stop to that.
Now, go and weave yourself a basket before I find a jar for you.
Yes, Nurse Kenchington.
Well? It's just, there's a mistake. What are you talking about?
The diatomic molecules on the reactant side don't balance with the product valence shells.
Yes, they do. They don't. The digits have been entered incorrectly.
I know how to enter digits, pin head. Now, leave that alone.
Don't...
And that was it. The start of seven long years of research.
Research into what?
Oh, the Holy Grail, Inspector.
The secret of life itself.
I think she was a weather girl to start off with. Enjoy the sunshine!
She got her baps out for Zoo.
Oh, yes, "Star of BBC3 comedy, Stinkfinger."
I've never heard of it, have you? Yeah, it was shit.
I'll have to get more with it. I haven't even got a video player.
Right, I'll do the talking. You're my boyfriend, just go along with it.
What? Hi, Debbie, we're such big fans of Shitfinger.
Stinkfinger. That's it. Oh, thank you. Who shall I put it to?
To Peter and Michael. That's your Christmas present ruined.
Aah! "To Peter and Mich..."
Is it E-A, E-A?
I always find Michael really hard.
Join the club!
I'll just put Mike.
We saw you on telly last night.
Ah, what about that poor woman?
I know, was it three different men or one man three times?
All right. What we wanted to ask you was, where did you get that necklace from,
because it was absolutely beautiful, wasn't it, Michael?
Yeah. Beautiful. Oh, don't say that, I gave it away last night.
Who to?
To my make-up lady. Her name was Hattie, you see,
and it had this big H on the front,
and she'd been admiring it all night, so I thought...
Oh! Don't you want your book?
OK, and if we could have you the other way round, heads together.
Lovely! Aw, It's so good that you can do this, cos we didn't get time on the day, did we, Shahrouz?
Do you want me to go full-length on this?
Not full-length, I don't want to get the chain in, so...
Can we have a little smile from the groom?
He's on medication, so he's a bit groggy.
Right, I want to do them all again now, with glasses off.
Oh, who's that?
Chris! What you doing here? I thought you were in Cranford.
I've... I've got a few days off.
Where's Shahrouz?
Erm, you mean my husband?
I mean my boyfriend, where is he?
I've not spoken to him in days, and his phone's turned off.
Because he doesn't want to talk to you. There, I've said it. What are you talking about?
I don't know what you're playing at, Hattie. Where is he?
Well, he's not here.
Chris? Chris? Chris?
Shahrouz! Let me in! Look, Chris, he's not, he's not...
My God, baby, what's she done to you?
Chris. You must not be here, they are watching the house.
Who is? They are!
What's she been saying? Should I be getting all this?
No, he's just a jealous ex. Couldn't keep away, could you, Chris?
What are you talking about? Can't bear that he chose me over you.
Christ, you've got him chained up!
Yeah, well we're into all that, aren't we, Shahrouz?
You know, maybe he feels more comfortable with me and he can express himself. Is he on drugs?
Don't judge us, Chris. What we get up to within our marriage is between me and my husband.
Sorry about all this. That's OK. Don't mind me.
Well, tell him, Shahrouz. Tell him who you want to be with. Er, Hattie.
There you go, you see. There's your answer.
He has been fucking me all afternoon!
This way, this way, this way...
You are sick, Hattie. You need help. Oh, I need help, do I? Ha!
Yes, you do! You are a pathetic, sad little cow.
Everyone laughs about you on the make-up trucks, you know,
crying into your white wine every night. "I can't get a man, I can't get a man."
Is it any wonder?
You look a fucking state
with your piss-hole eyes and your flour-bag tits.
You're a joke, Hattie.
Come on.
Shahrouz, if you walk out that door this marriage is over.
I will not take you back. Sorry, Hattie.
I'm three months' pregnant, Shahrouz!
I'm going to have our baby.
You'll never have kids, Hattie.
You're too old.
It's twins?
So now we do glasses off, yeah?
Connie, call security.
Oh, good day to you. Er, I rang earlier and made an appointment.
Oh, erm...
Oh, yes, Mr Jelly, isn't it?
Jolly.
Er, this is my assistant...
Mrs Ladybird-Face.
How kind of you to let me come.
All right, don't overdo it.
Right. And could I see your security card?
Yes. As per normal.
Great. Well, if you'd like to follow me,
I'll take you to the storage banks.
So what is it you do here, love? Well, we use a process called vitrification
to deep-freeze human organs which can be stored and later used for medical research.
Yeah, or sold for shitloads on eBay.
How's your mother, by the way?
Who? Mrs Kenchington.
We haven't heard from her in a while. She's dead.
She got blown up, didn't she?
Oh, gosh. I'm so sorry.
Oh, it's all right. Er, she just left the gas on.
And I'm over it now.
Well, presumably you'll be taking over her account?
Ah. How much is that?
It's around £2,000 a month.
Oh, no, no, fuck that off.
Just close the account, thank you.
Certainly. I'll get that fucked off for you straight away.
Right, here we are.
Are you going to swipe your card?
Of course. As per normal.
Right, back in a sec.
Oh, shut that door, I'm frozzed.
Right, get that chiller ready. I'm going to lob it straight in.
Is it ice cream? No, it's a kidney.
That's a funny flavour. Mind you, they have cookie dough now.
Get ready!
Ooh!
It's my hand.
Eh?
He kept my hand all this time.
Here we are, this was your mother's item.
You can sign for it now, if you like. Very nice.
Might I ask, could this hand be re-attached?
Yes, absolutely. There's no tissue damage. It's perfectly preserved.
It would also depend on the condition of the...
Red raw stump?
Well, yes.
Oh, thank you. Make a note of that, would you, Mrs Ladybird-Face?
You might be better off putting in here, actually.
These maintain vitrified items for up to 30 minutes.
Do you want to place it in?
Shit!
Butterfingers!
So, tell me about
'Silent Singer'?
Kenchington had me working on her project full-time.
'None of the other inmates knew about it. It was our little secret.
'But, after six months, my case came up for review.
'I was completely cured by this time.' Congratulations!
'but I was enjoying the challenge. I didn't want to leave.
'So, I... made him up.... The Silent Singer.
'I said I'd been seeing things, hearing voices in my head.
'And that was it!'
I was borderline schizophrenic and free to continue my work for another 12 months.
So, he was just a figment of your imagination?
At first.
'But then, three years in,
'he actually paid me a visit.'
'I wasn't scared.
'He helped me deal with my frustration.
'I think he was my frustration.'
What precisely was the nature of your work?
Ohh... I can't tell you that,
I'm afraid... Top secret.
Kenchington would kill me.
From beyond the grave?
What?
She's dead, Jeremy.
But where's the locket?
Exactly.
That's what I'm trying to find out.
Body parts found in fridge?
None. Nine.
Who's that, Dahmer?
I had Dennis Neilson.
Nilsson. What?
Nothing.
Looks. Two.
Ten.
Oh, David.
I'd have given you eleven.
I think it best to leave your mother to rest for a while, Mr Sowerbutts.
OK.
How long do you think she's got?
Well, let me put it this way,
you know when you go food shopping at, um... Nettos? Thought so.
And you know on the food has two dates - 'Sell By' and 'Use By'.
Well, your mum has gone way past Sell By and is now curling
at the edges, behind an onion in the salad drawer.
So you're saying I shouldn't eat her, then?
No.
Well, you shouldn't eat her, but I'm saying...
What am I saying?
I'm saying you might like to take her home
and make her comfortable tonight.
She won't need to set the alarm for the morning.
Oh...
Thank you.
What's going on, Kelvin?
There's a bit of a problem, we're just waiting for a new scart lead so I thought...
With the investigation. Have we located that bimbo from the chat show?
Yes, eh, apparently, she gave the locket away.
Who to?
Erm, to her make-up artist... One Hattie Javanmardy.
Christ, it's like pass the bloody parcel! Do we know HER whereabouts?
Yes. Finney's on his way. Should be there any minute now.
What's going on? Who's this?
That is my husband.
Where's the locket, Hattie?
What? THE LOCKET!
Where is it? Oh, that.
I gave it to the other detectives.
What other detectives?
So, this is it. I wonder what's inside?
No, don't open it yet. Wait till we get back to the shop.
Hello... Whoa, whoa, slow down. What you got?
A head. A human head.
Get it in the fridge quick. We're nearly out of time!
I told him not to go down Springcroft. You get all them kiddies out of school.
Kenchington was paying two grand a month to keep it at some cryogenic freezer place.
It must be worth something! There's no room! Empty it, then!
What's she doing storing a head? What's going on?
It's Jelly, he's found a frozen head.
What? Kenchington was keeping it at a cryogenics place.
Ask him if it's got a scar on the left cheek. What? Ask him!
Has it got a scar on the left cheek? What's this, Guess Who?
Let me have a look. It's never going to fit.
I'll have to snap the ears off. Don't!
Yes, it's got a scar. Who is it? Yes, it's got a scar.
It's Ehrlichmann. Who?
Oh, my God, she kept her father's head. What?
Tell them to keep it absolutely frozen.
We'll need a big bag of ice from Threshers. Basmati?
Ice! Put it in there and pack it.
Oh, I didn't know they still did Arctic Roll. Yeah, yeah, they brought it back.
'Pour them peas on top and them fishfingers.'
Mr Jelly?
'It's Peter Bishop here from Hoiti Toyti's. I need you'
to transport it to an address in London.
I'll get Michael to text you the details. London?
I don't know who you are. Why should I listen?
Because if it's what I think it is, then you're sitting on a goldmine.
Right, we've got to get home and pack a bag.
But what's this got to do with the locket?
Everything.
Right, that's the lot. I've kept them chicken keeves for our tea. We're not having tea.
I'm getting changed and then we're going to London. Are we seeing a show?
There's a new Phantom, isn't there?
Raoul and Christine have had a child...
Never mind that. We're sitting on a goldmine, apparently.
And bring your rail card. I'm not paying for you.
Wha..?
I'm so proud of you, David.
You need to know that.
You've never left me, have you?
Only to go to the toilet.
Yeah, but, even then, I was watching you.
You never knew that, did you?
Don't start getting upset.
Good job I'm not religious or I'd be shitting myself now.
Was it wrong to kill all those people?
Didn't seem wrong.
You were doing it to help me.
Yeah... I was.
I wish I could kill Death.
Then he wouldn't be able to kill you.
You can't have a world without Death, David.
He finds you in the end.
"One short sleep past, we wake eternally
"and death shall be no more.
"Death, thou shalt die."
Did you just make that up?
No, John Donne.
John did, David.
It's John did.
Mum?
Mama.
Apparently, Albert Einstein's brain was frozen after he died.
And Walt Disney's.
I think that's just a myth.
They reckon in the future they'll be able to bring them back to life.
But who'd want to bring back a dead Nazi?
Oh, you'd be surprised.
Heil Hitler.
Schwartze.
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
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