Richie!
- Right on time. - Hey. You're the lawyer?
Ron LaFlamme. Great to meet you.
(GRUNTS)
All right, homeboy. Pop a squat.
Start autographing by the flags.
Lot of paper to get through.
So, what do you think?
About?
Jeannie. She's pretty hot, right?
Oh, yeah. No, she's... She's very pretty.
Yeah, she is.
Oh, we're doing that. Okay.
(CHUCKLES)
So yo, Peter tells me you're popping your cherry with this.
So let me just walk you through it.
That stuff you're signing gives you the convertible note for funding
and establishes you and Peter Gregory
as the board members of Pied Piper, incorporated in the state of Delaware.
Okay. Why Delaware?
Rich, Rich.
Lawyer, not lawyer. I got you.
So, Peter Gregory, big fan of you.
- Oh. - He invited you to his toga party, right?
That's a big deal. Flo Rida's playing.
- You dig Flo Rida? - Should be fun.
- Yeah, I went to a lot... - See this guitar?
Sergey and Larry from Google signed it.
Both of them. Right there.
(STRUMS OFF-TUNE)
So, Pied Piper.
You're one of Peter's compression plays, huh?
One of? How many does he have?
Not too many. Like six or eight.
Okay. Why are there so many?
You know how sea turtles have a shit-ton of babies
because most of them die on their way down to the water?
Peter just wants to make sure that his money makes it to the ocean.
But it seems like you got your shit together.
A lot of these guys come in here
and they can do all the engineering stuff
but they get all hung up on technicalities.
They can't just tell you what their vision for the company is.
Those guys are so fucked.
It's like you need both halves of the brain, right?
The Jobs and the Wozniak. The ying and the yang.
Ch. I think it's "Yin".
- "Yin"? (CHUCKLES) - Yeah.
- Like "Yin and yan?" - No. Like yin and yang.
No. It's ying and yang, they're opposites.
So, Pied Piper, drop it on me. What is it?
Well, we started off as a music app.
Yuck.
Yeah. Gross. (AWKWARD CHUCKLE)
But we've pivoted since then.
Uh-oh. To what?
Well, our Weissman scores are consistently high across all media,
audio, video, meta-data.
Actually, that's not true. We've had some trouble encoding 3D video.
- I think it's because the pixels change... - (STRUMMING GUITAR)
- value differently than conventional... - (PLAYING GUITAR THROUGH AMPLIFIER)
Just look at the flow diagram, dude.
No, the filter bank is part of the prediction loop.
What are you talking about, this is lossless compression.
Oh, hey, Big Head, you were there.
Why did Richard use a DCT filter bank?
Oh...
Not really sure. Richard tried to explain some of this stuff
but a lot of it I didn't really understand,
so I'd kinda just nod and smile, you know?
Can you at least help us figure out this insane DFT spider web he's using?
(CHORTLES)
Dude, do you understand any of this?
I eat the fish.
I understand you eat the fish.
But when you clean the fish
you can't leave the fish head and guts and shit in the sink.
Because the whole house smells like a bait station.
So you gotta put it in the trash and then take the trash out.
Do you understand?
Yes. I eat the fish.
Motherfuck!
Do you know how awkward it is to not be able to describe your own company?
Like, I built Pied Piper and you can see it
but I can't really describe to you what it is
even though I kind of know where I'm going.
You do realize we quit working on our own apps to work for you, right?
Shouldn't you more than "Kind of know where you're going?"
Because that's basically what the CEO does.
I do. Sort of.
RICHARD: Okay, it's like trying to tell someone how to get somewhere,
even though you don't really know the exact address. Right?
Like, how do you do that? Because you can't just say
"Go to 415 Elm Street,"
because you don't even know what that is. Right?
So you have to say, you know,
"Go straight down that big road and take a right at the weird thing."
But, you can't describe what that weird thing is
because you just know it as a weird thing, you know,
in your head. You always have.
Is that weird thing in your head an aneurysm?
Richard, I'm just gonna recap for a second,
you turned down 10 million dollars
to be able to develop something that you, as the head of the company,
can't even describe to another human being?
I say this only to motivate you.
Okay, so I have been instructed to remove you
from the list of employees assigned to the Nucleus project.
You will no longer receive any Nucleus related communications,
file reports, or attend any Nucleus meetings.
Any questions?
No. That's... That's pretty clear.
Great.
Am I being reassigned to something else?
Not that I am aware of. At this time. No.
Wait, so then am I being fired?
Because I have a three year contract and my stock options...
Okay. Nobody is being fired. Okay?
Look, a contract is a contract.
You know. You've got a contract. And I've got a contract.
We all have contracts.
And here at Hooli, contracts are honored.
Yours and mine.
Everybody's. So...
Have I made that perfectly clear?
Yeah, no. That's clear.
But, when I come into work tomorrow, what do I do?
That is unclear. At this time.
- (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) - (CHATTER)
Should've worn more than my underwear and a bed sheet.
- Underwear? Pussy. - Yeah. I'm with him.
This is the type of evening that requires free-balling.
Oh. I'm gonna take my underwear off too.
Richard! Hey, you made it!
So Peter met with LaFlamme today and signed the paperwork,
which means Pied Piper is officially launched.
Why didn't you tell me about all the other compression plays Peter was seeding?
What? No... Because it's nothing you need to worry about.
Because none of those other companies have your vision.
- My vision? - Exactly.
Speaking of which, Peter really wants you to come in on Friday
to chat about big picture stuff.
You know, lay out your vision in broad strokes.
Broad strokes for the vision of the...
Well, Pied Piper is compression and we all know that.
So we don't need to talk about that, but I could because I'm the CEO.
Pied Piper takes the data and...
Smaller... To smaller form.
And, also, there's more.
It compresses the data overall...
Excuse me. See you Friday. Hi Tom.
(GROANS)
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
GILFOYLE: Richard, pace yourself, buddy.
You know, I wish this was Roman times. You know?
Life was simpler back then.
Simpler for you. I would have been a slave.
There's still time.
Cool costume. Where'd you get it?
- My bed. - (LAUGHS)
- You're funny! - Oh.
I'm Brooke and this is my friend Anastasia.
Hi.
- Hi. - What's up, guys?
(GIGGLING)
So, how do you know Peter Gregory?
Oh, through work.
We're actresses.
Cool.
What type of actressing work?
Oh, we're working right now.
Our startup sources actors to parties to liven things up
and get into conversations with guests and be interested in them.
RICHARD: Oh, neat.
So, who else is paid to be here?
Pretty much anyone that's over a seven is with us,
and anyone that's under a three is a guest.
It's a really fun job.
- Plus, I get to work with my boyfriend. - Yeah.
(MUSIC CHANGES)
- Yo, yo, party people, y'all ready to get crazy? - (CHEERING)
Is that Flo Rida?
No idea.
Y'all ready to take this party to a whole 'nother level?
It's time to meet the original O.G. gangster,
cash money mobster.
Y'all put your hands together for my brother!
The illest, the chillest, emperor of Rome, big Pete Gregory!
(APPLAUSE, CHEERS)
He is the illest and the chillest?
- Big Pete Gregory! - (CHEERING)
Thank you, Florida.
Welcome to the Peter Gregory Foundation's
fourth annual orgy of caring.
The first three were fine.
I hope that you enjoy the party.
There is a second bar in back
where the line is much shorter.
Thank you. I'm finished now.
(APPLAUSE)
That was very abrupt.
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
- So this is a rap concert? - Yep.
Holy shit, look at Erlich!
How the fuck did he get up there?
Man. See, that's what I wish I had.
It's like, I don't have any...
- Game. - Game, yes! That's it.
You know, I always knew I was missing something
and then someone explained to me the concept of game,
I remember very distinctly thinking, "That's what I don't have. Game."
Sorry.
(RINGING)
- Hello? - What's up, Richie Rich?
Great seeing you last night, buddy.
Just wanted you to know I had my associate
draft up everything like we talked about and it is all good.
Just emailed you the board consent which appoints your new board member.
So just print it, sign it, get it to Gregory to sign and it is donezo.
New board member, what?
It's in the PDF, you'll see.
All right, homey, I gotta go. My enema guy is here.
Gary! Namaste!
Pied Piper Incorporated amended board of directors,
Richard Hendricks, Peter Gregory, Erlich Bachman?
Oh, my God.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
ls Sleeping Beauty awake yet?
Yes, she is.
Oh, boy. Here, I brought you something for your stomach.
Be forewarned, the orange juice has vodka in it.
Little hair of the dog. (CHUCKLES)
What exactly happened last night, from your side?
We happened, Richard. And the best part is,
we can relive it whenever we want to.
(CHATTER FROM VIDEO)
We're two halves of the same brain!
You complete me!
Don't ever say that again! Do you understand me?
I will beat the shit out of you.
Yo, yo, get that camera out my face.
ERLICH: Come on, Mr. Rida. Okay. Okay.
- Look at this part. - I'm asking this fat, beautiful man...
- (LAUGHING) - ...in front of God and the Flo Rider
and this white, weird cocaine statue
to be on the Pied Piper board of directors.
- Yes! A thousand times, yes! - He's doin' it!
- Shake on it. - It's a deal.
(WHISPERING) Oh, no.
Plus, we have this for the Pied Piper documentary
that we're eventually gonna make.
We're making history together, partner.
(SIGHS)
Are you dressed like Steve Jobs?
Oh, am I? (CHUCKLES)
Well, I suppose Steve and I always have shared a similar aesthetic.
(WHISTLES) Hey.
Little help?
Oh. Okay.
- (GRUNTS) - (HACKY SACK HITS WALL)
- Here you go. - Thanks, man.
Sorry about the throw. Bursitis.
Yeah.
So, you guys having a meeting up here?
(QUIET LAUGHTER)
No. Not exactly.
We're all currently unassigned.
How about you?
- Yeah. Unassigned. - Yeah.
(CHUCKLES)
- That's cool. - MAN: Yeah.
How could you put Erlich on the board? What were you thinking?
You don't put someone inside the company on the board.
Then he and Peter Gregory can vote you out.
Yeah. You gotta find an outsider you trust. Like your mom.
I'd put Erlich on the board before my mom. Backstabbing bitch.
Guys, I was drunk, okay?
You know, I half-jokingly said to Gilfoyle last night,
"it looks like Richard is going to suck Erlich's dick."
But that would be reasonable compared to this.
Richard, could I speak to you?
Okay. Yeah.
He's the least cool guy I've ever met.
I heard about what's been happening.
I have to say, I'm a little disappointed.
Yeah, I don't... I don't know what I was thinking.
Yes. I mean,
is there a reason I wasn't invited to the party?
Is there some sense that I'm not part of the gang?
What? Jared.
Of course not. it was just an oversight.
I mean, we weren't even sure if we were gonna go.
And what was it like there?
Were there gelatin shots?
No. No, it was stupid and loud.
Honestly, you're better off.
I suppose. I had a fine night.
I had some palak paneer and I watched a documentary about Liberia.
But then I woke up to this unexpected development.
Do you... Do you really want Erlich on the board?
- Because I'll support you... - No. I don't. At all.
I was drunk.
I don't know how to get out of it.
I mean, what am I going to say to Peter Gregory?
Well, if you don't sign the documents, and you don't give them to Peter Gregory,
then it won't happen. Simple as that.
Really? I...
Wow. Okay.
(SIGHS)
That is a relief, Jared. Thanks.
I'm glad you're around.
Well, keep that in mind for future parties.
(CHUCKLES)
Honestly, sometimes we forget you're here.
ERLICH: You guys, company photo time out back. Let's go!
Gilfoyle, okay, off to the center a little bit.
Like your personality. No, no, no, no.
Dinesh, leave it unbuttoned. We want you to look like shit.
Makes for a better "Before" photo.
But you're wearing a jacket.
Yeah, because I'm the genius marketer.
I'm not a code freak like you guys.
Besides, I'm wearing sandals so I am iconoclasting a little bit.
Oh, good. Jared. What the fuck is with that vest?
Right over here. As if you're sort of a late addition
that may not stick around for the entire duration of the company.
And then, Richard. There you go. The man of the hour.
Okay. We'll take a few like this,
and then just Richard and I.
Because at the end of the day,
people only want to see a picture of the board members.
It... Actually, it's...
You're not gonna be a board member.
- What? - (CAMERA BEEPING)
(CAMERA CLICKS)
I'm in year three of a five year deal
and, Matt, you got what, like three years left?
Yeah. We all got acquired by Hooli,
when we didn't work out, none of us got reassigned.
Because Gavin believes in this Japanese form of management
where not being assigned is the most shameful outcome.
(LAUGHTER)
Yeah, it does feel uncomfortable.
Give it a week or two, you'll get, like, numb to it.
Well, why are you guys still coming in?
Rest and vest.
Oh...
Because in order to fully vest your options,
you've gotta wait until your contracts are up.
- I get it. - You catch on slow.
You'll fit right in here.
Lunch? Arby's on El Camino? I'll drive.
No, let's walk. It'll take longer.
Gotta do something to fill the day, right?
I was drunk! You took advantage of me!
- Man, they are really going at it. - (ERLICH CONTINUES YELLING)
So, last night, what was the girl situation?
And after all I've given up for this company.
Oh, what have you given up?
I owned 10% of Dinesh's app, 10% of Gilfoyle's app.
Multiple potential streams of income.
Not to mention that 100% of the team that you have,
were all guys that I recruited for this house.
- That must be worth something to me. - It is.
10% of Pied Piper!
For which I forewent, yes, that's a real word,
one million dollars.
I supported you, Richard. I bet on you.
And now you're just gonna give me a seat on the board,
only to retract that offer?
I can't even remember doing that!
Oh, really? Well, do you remember this particular dick-bag I got on video?
Because you did.
Put it away.
It's right here.
Goddammit.
- I've seen the video. - It's the wrong album, just give me a sec...
You know what? Fuck it!
You offering me a position on this board and reneging it
is a perfect example of you having no vision,
no balls and no game.
Maybe he did blow him.
- Well, love and hate. It's all passion. - (ERLICH CONTINUES YELLING)
And if that's the kind of company you wanna run,
well, then, fine.
God help you. 'Cause I sure as hell ain't.
What are you doing?
You give your loyalty to somebody...
- Let me help you. - Don't touch!
I can do it myself.
All right.
I just put it back on. Goddammit!
Okay. Read that back to me.
"Pied Piper's mission is to bring its unique compression algorithm to a variety..."
One thing you should know about living in this house
is I do not tolerate substance abuse.
There's no drinking and lying in this house.
I should have made that more clear to some of the current residents.
Like this one. Don't mind him.
He'll be gone soon when his company cakes its pants.
Hopefully, Jurgen, you'll be able to bring a more positive element to the house.
Let me show you the room I'm offering.
Some of his stuff is still in there,
but, as I mentioned, it will soon be gone.
Once his company cakes its pants.
It's okay. Just take a breath.
It's fine. I'm fine. We just...
Let's get through this. Okay, so, read this back to me.
- "Pied Piper's mission..." - Hey, guys.
Hope you don't mind, the front door was just open.
Hi, Big Head. What's up?
Honestly? Nothing. I've just been sitting around all day.
Not working. It's weird, you know? (SIGHS)
Yeah.
- So, what's up with you guys? - (RATTLING)
We're just sort of...
We're getting ready for this big Peter Gregory meeting.
And we have a lot of work to do, so...
Cool. Very cool.
(RATTLING CONTINUES)
You know, Richard, the irony is that if you had taken the ten million,
you'd be kicking back with a ton of money right now
and I'd still be working.
But you didn't, obviously. And now I've got nothing to do,
I'm rolling in it, and you're working your ass off.
Life's funny isn't it?
You guys want to walk to Arby's,
maybe grab a bite, play a little hacky sack?
Yeah. I should probably get back to work, anyway.
I mean, not work, exactly, I don't...
I don't work. But, you know, just get back to Hooli.
Sit around all day and get paid a bunch of money to do nothing.
(CHUCKLES) Weird.
- You ready? - (SIGHS)
You know what you're going to say? You want to run it by me?
No, no. I got this. Fuck Erlich.
You know, I turned down ten million dollars to build this thing.
You want vision, I will show you fucking vision.
I like this new angry side to you.
Being around angry people relaxes me, because I know where I stand.
(SUCKS TEETH)
Oh, shoot. I think I got something stuck in my teeth.
I'm just gonna go to the bathroom, check it out. I'll be back in a sec.
Richard, it's Jared. Are you okay?
(DOOR UNLOCKS)
(WATER RUNNING)
Hey buddy, what's going on here?
I thought I had something in my teeth,
but when I looked over, right? I looked in the mirror like this,
my pants, they hit the counter top,
and it must have some water on there, right?
So I got a spot on my pants, kinda looked like I pissed myself like a big baby.
So what I did was, I just took off all my pants
and I put it in the water just to make it all completely wet.
You know, that way I figured no one would really notice.
So, you know, it wouldn't be as bad. I've got it under control.
I've sorted it out. We're good.
Yes. So you felt this wouldn't look as bad.
- Understood. - Yeah.
But, Richard?
Consider that maybe this might not be the best choice for the meeting?
Yeah. Holy...
What the fuck am I doing?
I can't go like this to the meeting.
Jared. I have no vision.
Yes, you do.
- I believe in you... - No, no, I literally have no vision.
All I see is stars and swirls. I cannot see right now.
- Okay, okay, let's get your pants on. - (KNOCK ON DOOR)
MONICA: Richard? Jared? Are you in there?
Ohh.
Hey, there's some weather over the ocean
so Peter would love to get started. Are you guys ready?
Yep. All good. Be there in a jiffy.
- Okay. - RICHARD: Oh.
Jared, I'm on a carpet in a bathroom.
Yeah, okay.
I know this isn't the best thing to say to someone having a panic attack,
but we need to hurry here.
- Doing okay? - Yes, much better.
Nope. Worse.
Richard, you're gonna listen to me if you know what's good for you.
Erlich.
I may have been wrong about being a board member
and I may be wrong about being the Steve Jobs in our relationship.
But I do know this, you are the Steve Wozniak.
And no Woz should go into a meeting like that alone.
No. Actually...
So if you'll just let me come in, then I won't speak.
And I just think you should have somebody in there
who will actually have your back.
Okay. No, I... Erlich, I want you to be in there.
Okay... Wait, what?
Yes, and I need you to do all the talking.
Because I feel like if I do I'm gonna puke all over Peter Gregory.
Oh. Okay. Wow.
That was easier than I... All the talking?
Oh, Erlich, you're here too?
Okay. Come on in, guys.
I'm going to stay here, I think. Because I look absurd.
Yeah. Yeah, okay.
So what are you going to say?
Fuck, I don't know.
(SIGHS)
(WATER DRIPPING)
Today's user wants access to all of their files
from all their devices instantly.
That's why cloud-based is the Holy Grail.
Now Dropbox is winning,
but when it comes to audio and video files,
they might as well be called Dripbox.
(CHUCKLES)
Using our platform, Pied Piper users would be able to compress all of their files
to the point where they truly can access them instantly.
We control the pipe,
they just use it.
That's the vision in Richard Hendricks' head.
Sure.
Sounds fine.
Oh.
I received an email from Ron LaFlamme
saying that this gentleman
is going to be our third board member?
Yes. Yes.
Erlich helped me with all this stuff. He's very talented.
I need him as a partner.
Fine.
It's okay for you to leave now.
All right, okay.
Wait, is that you and Gavin Belson?
Yes. It's an old photograph.
Were you guys friends?
I thought so.
Good-bye.
- How'd it go? - (SHOES SQUISHING)
That was amazing.
I mean, that was like everything in my head, but, like, clear.
Did you just make that up on the spot?
Yeah. We should probably write some of it down.
Yeah. Well, look. I gotta be honest,
I mean, I can't tell you how much this means.
You really saved my ass even after I was such a dick to you.
- You're making up! - What else could I do, Richard?
You're my Wozniak.
- And I will always be... - (GROANS)
(GRUNTS)
Motherfu...