- Chefs, table 38, two people. - Oui!
- Table 23, four people. - Oui!
- Broken sauce, chef, need a new one. - Yes, chef.
CARMEN: Fire 31, 25, two out on 31, chefs.
Oui!
- Still not there. Again, chef. - Yes, chef.
Thank you, chef.
- CARMEN: Late on 31, chefs. - Oui!
- Why? - Chef, I'm sorry. It got too hot.
- Why? - It didn't cool down.
Why?
- It was my fault. - Go.
Fine.
- Fire 19, chefs. - Oui!
- Hold on 17, chefs. - Oui!
Why do you hire fucking idiots? Do you like working with them?
- I'll do better. - Say, "Yes."
- Yes, chef. - Can you handle this? Is it too much?
- Answer me. - I can handle it.
-"I can handle it, chef." - I can handle it, chef.
- Twelve, ten, 36. - Fire eight,
- 18, 36. - Don't fuck with my count!
- Sorry, chef. Eight, 13, 29... - Three, 52...
Why are you serving broken sauces?
Why? I get it. You've a short man's complex.
You can barely reach over this table.
Is this why you have the tattoos and your cool little scars
and go out for smoke breaks?
It's fun, isn't it? But here's the thing.
You're terrible at this. You're no good at it.
Go faster, motherfucker. Keep going faster. Why are you so slow?
Why are you so slow? Why? You think you're so tough?
Yeah. Why don't you say this? Say, "Yes, chef. I'm so tough."
- Yes, chef. I'm so tough. - Say, "Yes, chef. I'm so tough!"
Yes, chef. I'm so tough.
You are not tough. You are bullshit. You are talentless.
- Say, "Fucking hands." - Hands!
(WHISPERING) You should be dead.
CARMEN: Hands. ALL: Oui.
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
Hands!
MAN: Got that change for the $5...
CARMEN: Hands!
Fucking Christ! Hands, please!
Please!
RICHIE: What are you yelling for? WOMAN: Oh, God. Why don't you relax?
Yeah. Thank you, chef.
RICHIE: Now, what? I put this in the trash?
(WOMAN LAUGHING)
Chef, want me to strain that oil for you?
No, I got it. Thank you.
Why am I using a toothbrush?
CARMEN: It's about consistency and being consistent.
Can't operate at a higher level without consistency.
- I like this level. I like this level. - Me, too.
At The French Laundry, you know how much time we'd spend?
Go fuck your French Laundry.
Stupid fucking name.
- All right, then at Noma. - Right?
Fuck your Noma too.
- System, baby. - Noma's the shit, huh?
- The best. - The best.
Teach you to operate at a level you didn't know you could, Marcus.
And I wanted to work here. Mike wouldn't let me.
RICHIE: No, no. You went halfway around the world to learn all this fancy,
useless fucking bullshit.
I went to West Lawrence Avenue and learned every level.
- You're talking about DeVry? - RICHIE: Yeah, exactly.
Oh, DeVry. "We're serious about success."
Is that supposed to be fucking funny, fucko?
Yeah! Let me tell you something. No, for real.
Where else are you gonna learn
crucial database management specialization skills
while troubleshooting a vented OptiSpark distributor
- in a Trans Am. - Don't need to learn that.
Definitely not Noma.
I would legit do anything to go to Noma.
And eat bugs?
- And be inspired, stupid. - RICHIE: God, and be lame.
Guys, the cream machine is broken.
RICHIE: Shit.
DeVry teach you to fix that?
RICHIE: You know what?
Actually, yes.
Fuck yourself.
- You graduated? - Fuck no.
Does anyone ever order the ice cream?
- I forgot we had ice cream. - Hmm.
(SIRENS WARBLING)
WOMAN: Maria folds the dough, picking up all the flour so her board is clean.
She then kneads it until it is smooth.
The dough should rest for at least 30 minutes.
Maria roughly chops two cloves of garlic...
- Fire, table 16! - ALL: Oui!
- 17! Table 23! - Oui!
HEAD CHEF: Go faster, motherfucker.
Let's go! Let's fucking go!
Take a break, sweetheart.
Fuck!
(SMOKE ALARM BEEPING)
SYDNEY: Hey, you got time?
CARMEN: Always. What's up?
I... I just wanted to say thanks for this past week.
It's been a really great opportunity, but I want to do more.
- I know you want more. - I want more...
Yeah, and I want to get paid.
- You get paid. - I get paid to stage.
I want to get paid to work here.
I feel like I've been working here.
I did do some extra credit, though.
CARMEN: It's, um... It's a lot of words.
Yeah, but they... They basically say we're getting killed on labor.
We're open from 11:00 to 9:00. That's dumb.
We should be open from 11:00 to 2:00 for lunch and 5:00 to 9:00 for dinner.
Not to mention spending money on pretty high-end stuff.
Farmer's market produce... It's...
Is my hair on fire?
Not yet, no.
But you need help,
and we do this...
I mean, these savings, 20% of them could cover my yearly salary.
That's not even accounting for other people, you know.
Plus, we're sleeping on to-go's.
- That's business sitting there. - I know.
We don't have the support system for a fluid to-go system,
- we need to figure out packaging. - Packaging, right. On Page 27, randomly,
there's actually some pretty good layout of just that.
- CARMEN: Page 27? - Yeah, it's mostly graphics.
MARCUS: Yo, Carm.
Listen...
No. I can handle this myself, cousin. I got this.
So... You're not Ron?
Ron's gone. "Gone" gone.
- Ron's dead? - CARMEN: Who is Ron?
My partner, Ron Pager.
He passed away. I'm running his routes now.
- RICHIE: Everybody's dying. - Nancy Chore, Chicago Board of Health.
- I'm here to inspect the property. - Hi. I'm Carmen Berzatto.
- I'm the owner. - He's the owner's brother actually.
He's also dead.
- He doesn't look dead. - No, no, I'm not dead.
- My brother's dead. - I'm sorry to hear that.
- Thank you. - I'm sorry for your loss too.
Can I see some kind of identification?
Yeah.
Interesting.
Is it? What's interesting about that?
It's an interesting logo on her badge.
Nancy, you need anything, just find us. Make yourself at home. Okay?
- Thank you. Thank you. - Thank you.
CARMEN: Where's Tina and Ebra?
- No funny business, Ms. Chore. - You, too.
Okay.
I also noted on the prog that it's not necessarily flour that's expensive,
but the shipping, so we could just have somebody go and pick it up.
- Yeah, Marcus. - Okay, sure. Marcus. Great.
No, it can only be Marcus.
Why can it only be Marcus?
Sweeps, Tina, and Ebra don't drive.
Well, what about Richie?
Suspended license.
I saw him drive in this morning.
I'm telling you, beware of bitches with little notebooks.
Sydney walked in here few days ago,
and now she's running shit just like that?
All fucking willowy and scribbling?
"Chef, I would do anything to work at Noma."
Bitch, look around. This ain't Noma.
The health inspector is coming in here, and she's not nice.
She's not your friend. She may smile,
but don't see the teeth, those are daggers.
The point is, it's one of 100 things we can be doing to save costs.
Sydney. Sydney. Sydney.
I'm sure this is all correct, but it's a lot.
The job you're describing goes way outside what I can afford to pay a sous,
which I can barely afford already.
But I hear you. Okay?
I have every intention of turning this into an efficient,
respectable place of business run by adults.
RICHIE: That's a fucking ass of shit!
Eventually.
Does anybody know how dangerous this is?
Yo, what's going on?
- It wasn't dangerous, Ms. Chore... - CARMEN: What's dangerous?
...until you pulled it out.
CHORE: I discovered a large hole in the tile.
Looks like a former gas line next to the stove tops.
Not only was it not properly dry walled and caulked,
but someone clogged the hole with napkins and then proxied over it
- with some kind of plastic. - Don't look at me.
Grease seeped into the napkins and the proxy became unproxied.
- What does that mean? - A potential cross contaminate.
Additionally, no hot water in the hand station.
Okay, well, that one, Ms. Chore, I've told Chicago, Ron, this 100 times,
you got to wait a minute for it to warm up.
- So if you can relax on that one. - Or worse.
Health code states any sink near a prep area
needs to deliver instantly hot water
- to prevent the spread of bacteria. - Yeah.
I haven't even delivered the big one yet.
There's a big one?
CARMEN: What is the big one?
Someone left a pack of cigarettes on the stovetop near the burners.
Not only very dangerous, but also a potential contaminant.
- Motherfucker. - You can say that again.
- Motherfucker. - Don't actually say it again, idiot.
- You're about to get power washed. - Yeah?
Unfortunately, these violations leave me no choice.
- I award you a C. - RICHIE: No! No, no, no.
- That's some bullshit. - RICHIE: Just wait.
Time out. Time out. Time out. You know what?
I'm gonna caulk that shit right now, okay?
It doesn't matter how fast you do it. I can't come back to test for 30 days.
It'll take five. No, no, no! Don't touch that.
It will take five seconds to caulk.
I can caulk! Let me fucking caulk!
- You should. - There's no caulk in house.
Shut the fuck up, Fak!
See you all later.
RICHIE: Shut the fuck up.
FECK: I'm saying there's no caulk in house. Dude, it's okay. We'll fix it.
You're bitching me? You wanna run this place?
How do you know they're not your cigarettes?
'Cause I'm not a fucking dipshit!
(ALL SCREAMING)
You put it in the fucking window!
- You put it in the fucking window! - Stop.
Let's not do this.
- All right. - That's your C.
CARMEN: Here's what we're gonna do.
You're gonna go to the hardware store, you're gonna get some joint compound.
You're gonna get some caulk and caulk that shit.
Okay, well, FYI...
- CARMEN: FYI... - ...I'm not your fucking gofer.
FYI, you cocked it up, you're gonna caulk it out.
Okay, well, I would love to, but my license is expired, FYI.
- You drove here this morning. - Sydney, you wanna help?
- You can take him. - RICHIE: No.
- Time out. I'll Uber. Thank you. - Grow up.
- Thank you. - Surge rates, fucko.
- Richie? - Fine, but we're taking my car.
I... I don't care.
He's that broke? That took him out?
I graduated with a C.
We know.
(BACKGROUND MUSIC SKIPPING)
Fix that fucking sound. Please fix that fucking sound!
I will fix it. Fak always fixes it.
Kids come in, break it, what happens? I fix the balls.
Fak always fixes the balls.
- Fix it! - I'll fix the balls!
RICHIE: This is fucking bullshit.
Can you, um... Can you hold this?
(RICHIE SIGHS DEEPLY)
(SHIFTING GEARS)
You got... You got to wiggle it.
Oh, okay. I should have known that I had to wiggle it.
That's on me. Doesn't mean I don't know how to wiggle it.
I wasn't expecting company, by the way.
These Arby's cups are from different visits.
I respect that.
Shit.
Where is this shit?
We can always talk to somebody who works here.
No, no, no, no. I can find this myself.
I can't...
I can't believe I'm taking orders from a fucking toddler right now.
My entire life, I had to listen to everybody
acting all worried about him all the time.
"He's a baby. Don't get Carmen into trouble," you know.
I was a baby, too, once, Sydney. Nobody gave a fuck.
Okay, I'm sorry about that.
But none of that messed up the wall
- that we're here to fix, so... - Fuck that. He's giving me crap
about not letting him work at the restaurant when he was a kid.
You think I give a fuck where that dude works?
Fucking Mikey.
Why didn't Michael want him to work at the restaurant?
Because he's a little bitch probably.
Can I ask? Like, what...
What was, like, the deal with Michael?
Yeah, he shot himself in the head four months ago.
Jesus. All right.
Were... Were you guys, like,
related on your mom's side or, like, your dad's or...
Neither. He was my best friend.
Boom! There's that shit. Told you.
"Silicone adhesive caulk." "Acrylic caulk."
Are you just reading what's on the labels?
Okay, we got rubber sealing...
- I'm gonna find somebody who works here. - No! I got this.
And then, you know, the produce bill is due, you know,
and the power comes in and I can't build enough of a parachute.
Even if we got this place packed, that's only like a week of survival cash.
Exhausted listening to this.
- You asked me what's going on. - I asked you where you've been.
You're looking at it. This is where I've been.
Carmen, this place is bullshit.
Right? I mean, you're never gonna fix it.
You can't start at fucked.
You understand that, right?
Is that really a question?
You're operating a business historically has a lower success rate than...
I don't know, Chicago fucking Bears.
You're having a hard time keeping vendors current, your crew paid,
right, and we're not even getting into the money I lent your brother.
- Michael took money from you? - JIMMY: He took a lot of money from me.
I mean, cash infusions for this place, term loans which he never paid back.
Now I got to hold you responsible.
Okay.
How... How much? (CLEARS THROAT)
Three hundred grand.
Jesus Christ, Jimmy.
Jesus Christ is right, Carm.
I mean, it's not like he put it into this place.
Still looks like some kid painted it with his ass.
Look, no disrespect.
You know, your brother was an animal.
Surrounded by dickheads, and then he lost his mind,
and now he put you in a real tough spot.
That's why you stopped by?
I stopped by to see you.
Should've stopped by to break your legs, but I guess I'm becoming forgetful.
Why'd you give him the money?
Very good question.
You know, I don't know, he said he's gonna franchise the place
but you knew that was bullshit.
You still gave it to him.
I loved him, too.
Look, well, let's just do the easy thing here
and you sell it to me.
No. No, you just said restaurants are bad for business.
Who says I'm gonna keep it a restaurant?
CARMEN: I'll get you the money, Jimmy.
All right, I promise you.
Shit. We're gonna be in gridlock for over an hour
because of your new best friend.
Okay, well...
I don't even know why you wanna work for that little stunod.
-'Cause he's good. - Oh, my God.
Like, whether you like it or not, he's incredibly talented,
and we could all learn a lot from him.
You know, he was one of Food & Wine's Best New Chefs when he was 21.
Oh, my God, he was one of Food & Wine's Best New Chefs?
Is that what you just told me? That changes everything.
Really good short term memory, Richie.
Congrats on that.
You know the restaurant could be good.
Like, I know you know that.
It doesn't have to be a place where the food is shitty,
where everybody acts shitty and feels shitty.
It could be a good legit spot.
You're getting a little aggressive.
And I think maybe you should just pause and take a breath
before you start driving. Man or woman, I'm not discriminating.
It's dangerous to get behind the wheel when you're hysterical.
-(CELL PHONE RINGING) - Why the fuck does she keep calling?
- Hey, why do you keep calling me? - Fuck me.
What's going on with her?
Is she crying again?
What did you say?
Well, I'd be crying, too.
She's at this different school, and those kids are a bunch of fuckfaces.
Hold on. Hold on!
Can I just talk to her, please?
Hey, sweetie.
How are you doing?
You're not doing so good?
What's wrong?
Oh, you're scared?
What are you scared about?
Yeah, I get it.
But you know what, you're going to do great.
I promise.
And if you don't, I'm gonna give you $500.
But you're gonna do great.
And I'm gonna see you on Friday, right?
Of...
How could you...
Of course I still love you.
I love you so, so much.
I love you more and more every day, if that's possible.
I just...
No.
I don't need to talk to Mommy.
But call me after, you know, let me know how it went.
Okay. I'm so proud of you, kiddo.
I love you.
I'm sorry. My... My daughter's going through a phase.
Yeah.
How old is she?
She's five.
Like Carmy.
Food & Wine's best new dickhead.
Fuck!
I fucked up with those cigarettes.
I'm sorry about Michael.
And I got the wrong caulk, I think.
You did.
But I didn't.
Oh, shit.
- Syd making moves. - Fuck off, Richie.
(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)
- Carm? - Hey, Pete.
Hey.
- Everything okay? - Yeah. No, I'm good.
I just... Sugar wasn't picking up her phone.
Oh.
- Look, I was just... - Hold on. Hold on.
Let me get Nat.
- No. I just... I'm sorry, I... - Nat?
I wanted to talk to you about something.
I wanted to apologize...
Oh.
...for last time.
I went to urgent care and they gave me some stuff to put on it, and...
No, I shouldn't...
Hey, Nat. Hold on, let me grab her.
- Okay. - Let me get her, one second.
- No problem. No problem. - NAT: What?
- What is going on? - It's Carmy.
- Why is he calling you? - I don't know.
- You calling Pete? - CARMEN: You won't pick up the phone.
I'm making dinner.
Did you hear I apologized?
- So? - CARMEN: Cicero was here.
Yeah, I heard. I also heard there's a C in the window.
Nice.
Listen, Sugar...
I woke up in at night cooking some wrapped frozen shit,
I almost set my apartment on fire.
Does that happen a lot?
Sometimes.
Did you look at the thing?
No, I didn't look at the thing.
Pete and I have been going lately, and it's actually been really nice.
- Yeah, of course Pete would go. - Shut the fuck up.
- PETE: You want me to shut the fuck up? - Not you, sweetie.
- You didn't say anything. - PETE: Copy that.
- What are you making? - NAT: Mom's chicken.
Look, I'm... I'm fine.
Really, you know, I just have trouble breathing sometimes,
- and I wake up screaming. - NAT: What?
CARMEN: I know tons of people that cry out of nowhere.
Okay, I just sent it to you again.
I don't want to bother you.
No, you're not bothering me.
But that isn't like unscary.
When did the breathing problem start?
I think maybe sometime in New York.
I was throwing up every day before work.
Okay, well, that sounds chill.
CARMEN: I kind of dug it.
You dug throwing up?
No, no, no. It was awful.
Chef was a piece of shit.
NAT: Then why'd you stay there?
I don't know. Um...
People loved the food.
It felt good.
Chefs always say a big part of the job is taking care of people, right?
CARMEN: Yeah, yeah. No, I guess.
You can't really do that if you're not taking care of yourself then.
And I like when you tell me things.
Just... I'm asking you to look at the thing.
Mmm-hmm.
It's okay to ask for help.
I understand. I do.
Okay.
Yes.
Yo, we need you out front.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll be right there.
Chef, let's fire. Two chicken pepper. Two sausage pepper. Two mortadella.
Two chicken pepper. Two sausage pepper. Two mortadella, chef.
- Thank you, chef. - Yes, chef.
SYDNEY: Fire, one more sausage pepper. One more mortadella.
One more sausage pepper. One more mortadella, chef.
SYDNEY: Could go a little heavier on the lettuce, I feel.
- It's heavier. - Yeah.
Pretty, thank you, chef.
Okay, let's fire one more sausage pepper. Two more mortadella.
One more sausage pepper. One more mortadella.
- Two mortadella. - Two mortadella, chef.
Gorgeous. Thank you, chef.
- Wanna line change? - No, no, no, no. Open up.
Okay.
- Thank you for taking Richie today. - Oh! Yeah. No sweat.
Do you want me to come in tomorrow?
Please. Yeah, you're hired.
- Yeah? - Yes. You're pass chef.
Thank you, chef.
Can I get hands, please?
- And fire one more sausage pepper. - One more sausage pepper, chef.
Thank you, chef.
Yo! You fixed that hole?
Yeah. Yeah. Is the Health Department coming back?
Yeah. Yeah, I think so.
- Fucking Cicero. - Cicero.
- We all good in there? - Yeah.
Yeah, I'm just gonna burn one, haven't had one all day.
- I'll see you a sec, all right? - Yeah.
Fuck!
(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)