(THEME SONG PLAYING)
(WOMAN MOANING)
(MAN MOANING)
(HEAVY BREATHING)
(DOOR SLAMMING)
(TOILET FLUSHING)
You must be hungry.
You're not gonna cook, are you?
Just saying, don't trouble yourself.
How about some Egg Beaters and Tabasco?
That's fine.
Didn't I tell you I hate this shouting-between-rooms shit?
So? You even gonna look at the brochure?
- What is it, Sneakers or something? - Sandals.
It's the jewel of Antigua.
Three sun-filled days on white sand.
I got A.J. on weekends.
So we'll go on Monday. Get a great rate on an ocean view.
The air is the same temperature as your body...
...so you don't need to wear clothes. I gotta watch my skin in the sun.
You know, you're getting a divorce, and I see you less than before.
I didn't say no.
I just want your undivided attention for once.
Is it so much to fucking ask for a little bit of atten...?
(WOMAN SCREAMING)
- Oh, my God! - Oh, shit.
(FIRE ALARM)
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
- Oh, my God! - I got you. All right. Okay.
I got it. It's out. It's out.
I got it. You're okay. You're okay.
(FIRE ALARM)
(GROANING IN PAIN)
There he is.
- Hey, kid, it's good to see you. - You finally made the trip out here, huh?
- Tony, this is my oldest, Charlie. - Nice to meet you.
Walk with me.
(DOOR CLOSING)
- Well? - You in that suit.
Long way, huh?
He lucked out. Got his mother's looks.
Takes after her, too.
He's in architectural salvage.
Old fixtures, windows, toilets.
Like Sanford and Son?
Didn't I tell you he's quick?
Good for you, Charlie.
And this is some more for the Joey Peeps thing.
Not all of it.
He's okay.
- Jesus, I did a clean job. - Fuck it. It's embarrassing.
That's the way Little Carmine and Rusty are doing things there now. I'm sorry.
But Rusty, I think he bangs his wife in installments.
(LAUGHING)
This guy was my old man, my rabbi and my priest rolled into one.
Even though I don't miss a day of it...
...the parts with this fireplug were the best.
Get the fuck out of here.
Oh, I almost forgot.
(PAPER RIPPING)
Spoke to me on account of your sense of humor.
I'm putting this in a position of prominence.
Hey. How you doing?
Are you gonna operate on me?
No, it's me, Tony.
They gotta fight infection, that's all.
- My hair. - Well, the good news is it'll grow back.
The burns are second-degree, so you don't need a skin graft...
...or that hyperbolic chamber.
You're gonna look the same as you always did.
Fuck you.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
All right, one second.
- All right. - It hurts.
Okay, sit tight. Rest.
They gotta keep you in here a couple days so it don't get no bacteria in it.
Are you gonna operate on me?
I'm gonna take care of everything.
The doctor bills, a wig, whatever.
Don't worry about nothing.
- Okay? Okay. - Okay.
I gotta go.
(CAR BEEP)
Just put it in there.
I'm gonna get some twine.
- Forget it, I'm not going that far. - All right.
(POP SONG PLAYING)
I know, I know, you fucking... Come on.
Let's go, move on.
Fucking great.
Listen, I don't know what the fuck you were looking at...
- Fuck is this? - Ange.
Sorry about that.
We were on our way to your place, and Billy sees you drive by.
I tried to get your attention for blocks.
Why didn't you use the fucking phone? I'm an old man.
I don't see so good in the dark.
Jesus, relax. Johnny wants to see you.
This late? Tell him I'll see him tomorrow.
Apparently it's gotta be now. You know, he's in one of his moods.
- Fine. I'll follow you over. - Whatever. Let's go.
(CHOKING NOISES)
Don't!
(GRUNTING)
Hey! Jesus, don't!
Phil, please. Philly, Philly, you know me.
- Philly. - You couldn't fucking retire?
Philly, for God's sake, you know me!
(GUN SHOT)
Look at this shit.
You know the work I just had?
Give me the fucking keys.
(DOOR CLOSING)
Mirsa, you seen today's paper?
Everything in the kitchen, Mr. Tony.
God-fucking-damn it.
- You know this is today's paper? - Oh, no.
This is today's paper, Mirsa.
That's I'm thinking.
- Why'd you throw it away? - Oh, no.
Jesus Christ, forget it.
I bake you some enchiladas you like.
Thank you. That's nice of you.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
(DOOR OPENING)
- These are for you. Enchiladas. - Okay.
I came for my money.
Don't worry, I'll talk to Carlo and tell him why...
...you're kicking up directly to me this week.
I gotta be careful getting in my cash on account of the Carmela situation.
She's all over that.
- You buying that WaveRunner? - No, I'm moving to the Plaza.
My fucking house is falling down around my ears.
Well, we did good at the casino last night.
I seriously dread going home. That fucking Guatemalan.
She forgets her English when it suits her purposes...
...and then she shows up whenever she feels like with the fucking enchiladas.
So fire her ass. Get a new one.
This is the new one.
I've been in the burn ward a couple of nights with Valentina.
Poor thing caught herself on fire.
No shit?
She's laying there like a rag doll, the poor kid.
That smell. Fuck, that burning-hair smell.
Can still smell it.
Jesus, you know that's the last thing Carmine said before he had his stroke?
He smelled burning hair.
(TOYS RATTLING AROUND)
You got a Coke or something?
- Ma, can you get Tony a Coke? - I'm upstairs!
Jason, Justin, get up here.
- You all right? - Just got the kids up my ass, that's all.
So you come across any burn victims at that hospital in the can?
Sure, Aryan guys are always setting each other on fire.
So, what's she in for? You know, the future, I mean.
They said she don't need no skin grafts.
Seriously, what the fuck is with you?
I just told you.
You know, the tough part is this girl is a constant pain in my ass.
I was gonna end it right there, that night.
And now how the fuck is it gonna look?
That is a tough one.
Why the fuck does this shit always happen to me?
(BAG RUFFLING AROUND)
You know who I been thinking about lately?
Charmaine Bucco.
Nice set on her.
No, not like that.
Well, maybe like that.
But also, she's a fantastic cook.
She's better than Artie in some ways. Plus, she's a licensed notary public.
I mean, I'm thinking that this is the kind of woman I need.
And it almost worked between me and her, right?
Comic books, juice boxes, robot crap all over the place.
Get your uncle a Coke and then your stuff.
I'm taking you back to your mom's early.
I should take off.
Yeah, you know, I really gotta run them over there now.
All right. Yeah.
- I'll see you later. - All right.
- I'll come over to the hotel. - Yeah.
(CAR HORN HONKING)
- Lawrence wedding? - No.
- Long-term or short-term? - Can't you just park it?
Here. Keep it out of the horse shit over there, will you?
(HARP PLAYING)
(PICTURE SNAPPING)
Oh, yeah. Beautiful, ladies.
Although you'll be paying cash, we'll need a credit card...
...to secure incidental charges: minibar, parking, et cetera.
Right.
- Here. - Thank you.
Oh, Jill, that's so funny.
Very good, Mr. Petraglia.
We have you in a deluxe suite with a park view.
My name is Sharice...
...and along with our 24-hour concierge service...
...I'm here to see that you enjoy your stay with us.
- Great. - The bellman will show you to your room.
Enjoy your stay, Mr. Petraglia.
Anything else I can do, press nine, ask for Jesús.
- For you. - Thank you, sir.
- Enjoy your stay. - Thanks.
(SHOWER SPRAYING)
(DIALTONE)
Hello?
Whoever you are, I'd like you to stop this.
(HEAVY BREATHING)
hmmm
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...and a well-trained staff.
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...more than the ladies of Jade Escorts.
New York's most exotic and erotic girls are waiting to please you.
Call 1-900-555-JADE...
...and let them satisfy your every need.
All major credit cards are accepted.
What are you waiting for?
(DOOR OPENING)
Been trying to reach you.
Angelo got it.
Last night. Probably Phil.
(CELL RINGING)
I'm not available right now.
- Don't leave messages on this phone. - Fuck.
(PHONE DIALING)
- Hello? - Who's this?
- It's Dot, who's this? - It's Tony, looking for Ton.
Oh, he's not here. He didn't come in tonight at all.
He might be in later, though. You wanna try his portable phone?
I did.
You see him, you have him call me immediately.
Okay, will do.
(PHONE DIALING)
(PHONE RINGING)
- Hello? - Yeah, Aunt Quin...
...it's Tony, looking for Ton.
- Madonna, I hoped he was with you. - You heard from him?
Not since he took the kids back this morning.
- Call me if you hear, you understand? - Yeah.
- You got my cell? - Yeah.
What's wrong?
(PHONE RINGING)
- Yeah. - You seen my cousin?
No. But I heard about that thing last night.
The old-timer was a standup guy.
Yeah, well, that's the least of it.
Hold on. Hold on.
- Hey, you call for a date? - Yeah, yeah.
- Got company? - Yeah.
- Hold on a second. - Can I get a drink?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- I wanna know the minute he surfaces. - You got it.
I saw him this morning. He must have known something.
- He was acting all squirrelly. - He's got a right to be upset.
After what him and Ange been through together.
- They were cellmates at Allenwood. - I don't know, I got a bad feeling.
Don't worry about it. He ain't that stupid.
Yeah, you're probably right.
We'll let you know if we see him.
You want me to suck your dick now, baby?
Is that what you want, baby?
What the fuck!
Tony, I'm so lonely.
I miss my Violet.
- What violin? - Violet, my wife.
She was everything to me.
I'm all alone on the other side.
It ain't right.
(PHONE RINGING)
Answer the fucking thing.
(PHONE RINGING)
If it's him, tell him you ain't seen me.
- Tell who? - The man upstairs.
- Hello. - We need you to do something.
Like what?
Our friend. He's gotta go.
No problem.
- Don't fuck it up, it's important. - I know it's important.
(PHONE HANGING UP)
He was staring straight at me.
But he didn't look dead.
Any deader than he ever did, anyways.
And he says, "I miss my wife."
Then the phone rings...
...and there was this voice.
- They wanted me to do something. - What?
They wanted me to kill a guy.
It was just a dream, all right?
He must be in heaven. He said "the other side."
But it was so fucking sad.
Doesn't sound like heaven to me.
Well, you would know more about it than I do.
What'd you see in me, anyways?
The object is to learn what you saw in me, not what I saw in you.
One of these days, Alice. One of these days.
Pow, right in the kisser?
To the moon, Alice!
I remember when you hit me, it was like, pow, to the moon.
Don't get me steamed, Alice.
And then you choked the shit out of me!
Yeah, but that's after you were trying to put a fork in my eye.
No, that was your mother!
(WATER SPITTING OUT)
(LAUGHING)
Sometimes what happens here is like taking a shit.
I prefer to think of it as more like childbirth.
Maybe it is more like childbirth.
You tell me.
I don't have any children.
I died too young.
My cousin does a mean Gleason.
Are you ready for what you have to do?
No sweat. I did my homework.
- You wanna ride up front? - No, Dad, I'm fine.
Kid gets sick in the back seat.
You know, douche bag, I realize I'm dreaming.
I got no opinion one way or the other.
Anybody mind?
What?
Where we going?
Driving you to the job.
(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)
Oh, Jesus, you scared me.
And you're not even ready. We gotta meet Finn's parents.
Why didn't you wake me up?
Is that how you're gonna dress?
My stuff isn't here.
Well, you left your brown suit.
I did?
(SUSPENSE MUSIC FROM TV)
And we're late.
I had the worst fucking dream.
Tony, we're late. And we should take separate cars.
Oh, yeah.
Howdy.
You were riding out here the other day, weren't you?
You speak English?
- Tony. - What? Give me a minute.
Can you pull yourself away for once?
Your head is filled with this stuff.
It's just that it's...
...so much more interesting.
Than what?
Than life.
What, are you kidding me? It is your life.
(LOUD SOUND EFFECTS FROM TV)
Good morning, señor.
Tell me, what day is it?
What day? Why, it's Christmas Day, of course, sir.
Christmas Day? Christmas...? Then I haven't missed it.
The spirits must have done everything in one night.
- Of course. - Will you please get dressed?
Of course they can.
(BELLS RINGING IN TV)
Look at you.
All right, let's go.
I'll wait in the car.
Now what's the matter?
Nothing.
(GRUNTS OF PAIN)
- Are you coming? - Yeah.
Hi. How are you both?
(SCORE FROM TV PLAYING)
There you are. I was getting so nervous.
Hey, babe.
We were about to start calling the hospitals.
Somebody forgot.
I'd like you to meet Finn's parents, Mr. DeTrolio, Mrs. DeTrolio.
- How do you do? - Hi, how are you?
- Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you.
We've been enjoying getting to know your daughter while we were waiting.
(LAUGHING)
So how's the food here?
It's pretty good.
We went to high school with the owner and his wife.
You two were high school sweethearts?
(LAUGHING)
So how long can you stay?
Something I have to take care of.
Ohhh
Show them what you have in your pocket.
With a husband in dental school, he'll be able to fix your mouth, honey.
Then, for the capper...
Son of a bitch.
We know all about you, and I think it's great.
Well, that's a relief, huh, Tony?
Speaking of dental school...
...people always told us Finn would never amount to much.
He won't. I think the die is cast.
Yeah, if it wasn't for his tooth-fairy money, he'd have nothing.
Let's not get into it in front of other people.
- Well, you're the one that said... - Never mind.
Please, just drop it.
- Meadow, do you play an instrument? - I was in chamber singers.
I used to sing in the Navy Glee Club.
(MAN SINGING)
You're Annette Bening.
I thought so.
(MAN SINGING)
(MAN STILL SINGING)
What?
Something bad is gonna happen.
(MAN STILL SINGING)
Well...
After I sing, I can usually use a nice tinkle.
I'll go with you.
I don't want my husband coming out with just his cock in his hand.
Mine either, believe me.
Oh, that feels good.
You don't do this no more, huh?
No.
Got a good boy out there.
You gonna be able to come through on the thing?
I did my homework.
Yeah?
Well, the piece wasn't behind the toilet.
- Well, this is real life. - No, it's not.
(GUN SHOTS)
This is it.
(GUN SHOT)
(MORE GUN SHOTS)
No! Stop!
I knew this was gonna happen.
Why didn't you stop him?
(GRUNTING)
Please.
(FAKE GUN NOISES)
You have any idea what you just did?
Tell them what happened 20 years ago.
I can't go into that right now.
What do I gotta count to before I can get up?
- Tony? - You're really dead.
But I got kids.
They got kids.
(WIND BLOWING)
Yo, wasn't that Tony there...
...the guy you were supposed to cap to prevent this from happening?
I don't know.
I guess not.
I don't have a piece.
Annette Bening?
There's something Bugsy about him.
(HEAVY BREATHING)
(GUN SHOTS)
Get him!
(DOG BARKING)
(MOB YELLING)
(RAP MUSIC PLAYING)
Over here.
(POP MUSIC PLAYING)
I'm wiped out.
(BELCHING)
The fuck you doing to yourself?
(PITTER-PATTER OF HORSE HOOVES)
What's that noise?
It's those micks outside the hotel with those carriage rides.
- Tell them to go away. - Oh, God, Tony.
It's so much better than when we were kids.
- See, what'd I tell you? The best, huh? - Oh, yeah.
She likes it when you rub her muzzle.
(HORSE WHINING)
Think I wanna come home.
There are some nonnegotiable conditions.
- Like what? - You can't have your horse in here.
- Why not? - Are you kidding me?
The smell, and shit all over the place.
I'll clean up after her.
You always say that.
(HORSE NAYING)
I'll have to think about it.
You're the one brought it up.
I should go.
You didn't take care of that?
What?
Check this out.
Be careful.
(HORSE HOOVES CLACKING)
(LOUD FOOTSTEPS)
(CAVERNOUS DRIPPING NOISES)
I know you're there, Soprano.
Well, come on. You're gonna do it, do it.
- Well, look at you. - How you doing, Coach Molinaro?
Me, I'm fine.
What's that you got there?
A bigger dingus than the one God gave you?
(LAUGHING)
You dumb-ass.
You know, you ought to show some respect.
- Why? - Because I'm not some kid anymore.
No.
What did I tell you?
"Cleave yourself away from them bums you hang with," I said.
Well, I'm in therapy now.
That's a damn shame.
You all listened to that pismire Arthur Bucco.
He was the worst of the bunch. I told you that.
Artie owns a restaurant.
- He's doing great. - Bucco?
Yeah.
The exception that proves the rule.
Oh, you know everything, don't you?
I suppose you blame your father when you're crying to that shrink of yours.
No, more my mother.
Of course. Even better.
Well, my family was different than other kids' families.
You know, I'll bet you got that psychologist wrapped around your finger.
That's what you always told me I was good at, right?
I also told you, most likely...
...you'd take the easy way out.
It hasn't been easy.
I see you on TV.
Oh, yeah?
Some show you put on.
The 5:00 news.
Then you realize I got nothing to apologize to you for.
Eighteen, 20, 22...
I am a leader.
Got a house worth a million two.
Two kids, wife.
- Twenty-eight... Do you? - Do I what?
- Have a wife? - Yeah.
She's got the big house because I'm successful.
You and I know your little secret.
I only told you I wanted to be a coach because I liked playing ball.
But I was just shining you on, because that's what I do.
I told you many times, Anthony, you were special.
You had smarts, personality, leadership potential.
All the prerequisites to lead young men onto the field of sport.
And now look at the stress you live with.
(GUN CLICKING)
(SHELLS CLANGING ON FLOOR)
You're not prepared!
You'll never shut me up.
(POLICE SIREN IN BACKGROUND)
(PHONE RINGING)
Yeah?
We're sorry to disturb you at this hour, Mr. Petraglia...
...but there's a Mr. Mantovani to see you.
- He says it's urgent. - Send him up.
(KNOCK AT DOOR)
Hey.
(DOOR CLOSING)
Sorry to get you up, but I knew you'd wanna know right away.
Know what?
Tony B. took out Billy Leotardo.
Yeah.
- Wait a minute, you mean Philly. - Billy. Phil got winged.
He's in the hospital.
T.B. went ape over Angelo.
Phil's holding his brother as the kid's dying in his arms.
There's blood all over Phil.
Jesus.
So he knew.
Goddamn him.
He knew what he was gonna do...
...and he sat there, right in his mother's house, and pretended.
Lied right to my face.
I don't know what to say.
Guess T.B.'s fucked, the poor guy.
Poor guy?
We're all fucked.
I'm here for you, whatever.
I know that.
Nice suite, T.
Anyway, thought you needed to know right away.
You gonna eat that?
- No, take it. - Thanks.
Right. See you later.
(DOOR CLOSING)
(POLICE SIREN IN DISTANCE)
(SIGH)
(PHONE DIALING)
(PHONE RINGING)
Hello?
Yeah, don't get alarmed. I'm sorry to call you so early...
...but I gotta cancel the fishing trip.
Tell A.J.
- You all right? - Yeah, yeah.
I had one of my Coach Molinaro dreams.
Oh, yeah? Were you unprepared, as usual?
Yeah. As usual.
Yeah, Mr. Mol.
I wonder where he is now.
He wasn't such a bad guy.
A bad guy? No. He actually took an interest in you.
A lot of that was bullshit.
It was just his way of keeping me from causing trouble.
Make his life easier.
I don't know about that.
I told him in the dream, I am sort of a coach now.
Yeah, that's a way of looking at it, I guess.
Is it daylight where you are?
No. Where are you?
Looking out at Central Park.
All the lights are on.
You were in the dream too.
Oh, yeah?
I was on this horse.
Anyway, is Artie all right?
Because in the dream, he was the only alive guy...
...in this car full of dead guys.
I had dinner over there last night.
Who'd you eat with?
Gab and Ro.
That's nice.
Yeah, it was all right. The veal was very dry.
(DOG BARKING)
Is that Esterhaz next door barking?
- Can you hear him? - Absolutely.
Five-thirty in the morning.
Someone ought to serve him some veal. À la strychnine.
- Stop it. - I'm serious.
Is it light where you are yet?
(MUSIC PLAYING)