(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
(LIGHT SNORING)
(RAP MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)
(DISTANT RAP MUSIC PLAYING)
What's that?
I got a mysterious package...
...postmarked Las Vegas.
Oh, "Baume & Mercier."
Oh, my God.
This is so beautiful.
I had it engraved.
Here.
"You are my life. Love, T."
- They couldn't fit "Tony." - I believe that.
Thank you.
But I don't know what it's for.
Well, like I said, I was sorry I had to go out to Vegas when I did.
Once you explained you had to take care of Christopher's business interests...
God knows Kelli'll need the money.
The baby.
(HORN HONKS)
All I'm talking about, delay, right? Just take care of that, all right?
Bobby?
John Stefano.
You touching asbestos?
No, I don't work with that shit.
It's okay.
Shame about Chris Moltisanti.
Where'd you get these bozos?
Ecuadorians. Bunch of them Polacks.
How come they ain't wearing their space suits?
That's a union rule.
If I couldn't run this job without that fucking contract...
...ain't none of us gonna make any real scratch.
You don't got an envelope?
You must have seen fights before.
Your friends beating up the African kid...
...why do you think that's been impossible to shake?
They had my back after all the shit with Blanca.
You know, they care about me.
Did you try to stop the beating?
I'm one individual. What could I do?
I know kids on Lexapro who say it's great...
...and I still feel like shit.
I mean, why can't I catch a fucking break?
Your classes, how are you enjoying those?
English is boring. And the other one's kind of interesting...
...but it's pretty depressing.
The Israeli-Palestinian conflict?
People blowing each other up because their god says...
...they're allowed to live in a certain patch of fucking sand.
Yeah, and other people's gods say they're supposed to live there.
Maybe I shouldn't have taken it.
You seem to be taking it all personally.
These mujahideen assholes, like in Indonesia...
...and they, like, wanna kill everybody.
Have you considered writing about your experience...
...with the Somali boy?
- A short story, perhaps? - Why would I do that?
It might help clarify your feelings.
I was watching CNN...
...this story about these kids in some Iraqi hospital...
...how the burn unit doesn't have the right medicine or something.
Then they show this story about some mall in Minnesota...
...and these gigantic fat people...
...buying stuff and eating all this shit.
You know, it's like my parents.
I mean, you should see our house.
I mean, the stupid coffeemaker they got, media room.
Then there's Blanca...
...and her kid hardly talks.
She can't afford to send him to a decent school.
You think your feelings about Blanca...
...in any way relate to this African boy?
She's not black.
I mean...
...she's pretty tan.
(CLASSIC ROCK PLAYING)
- There he is. - Hey.
- Welcome back.
Welcome back, Ton.
- Good to see you again. - How was your trip?
- Great. Had a fucking blast. - Yeah?
- Business too. Christopher's shit. - Yeah.
Some fucking guys out there owed him money.
Little Carmine took it on the Cleaver set. We had it framed.
Talk about a trip.
I met this girl, fucking beautiful.
Oh, yeah?
- Boys. - Hey.
- We did peyote. - Come on.
- Really? - Bobby did mushrooms once.
Stuffed mushrooms, a whole fucking platter.
- (ALL LAUGH) - Fuck you, huh?
Anyway, that's... That's some nutty shit...
...the desert...
...the light.
I did X once. That fucking was incredible.
Oh, yeah, yeah, you kidding? Off the fucking charts.
- You wouldn't believe it. - Really?
And the sun...
...came up...
Oh, yeah?
We saw Stefano.
He didn't have an envelope.
Any movement on that?
We should probably see Phil.
I got dosed with acid once, back in '68.
I was with your dad and them at the Copa.
Fucking B.O.A.C stewardess put it in my drink.
Jerry Vale started singing and I look over...
...your Uncle Jun's got laser beams shooting out of his eyes.
I used to love that house, but now...
...it's so big, especially at night.
You're afraid, you know, all you gotta do is call. Right?
Two minutes, I'll be over.
I know. Thank you.
You've been so great. Both of you.
Well, Meadow had another mystery date.
That sounds exciting.
What are you doing? Sit.
I made your favorite, steak pizzaiol'.
You know they spray a virus on beef...
...rather than clean the ratshit out of the slaughterhouses?
- What is this now? - Jesus Christ.
It's true. Read the paper.
I do read the paper. Never heard that.
I'm not talking about the sports page.
I mean, the FDA? They approved a virus spray...
...because it kills a similar bacteria found on meat.
Must be a good thing then.
Yeah. For the meatpackers...
...the fucking god of the bottom line.
All right, that's enough.
- (MICROWAVE BEEPS) - We're trying to eat...
...and you're upsetting people that have been through a tragedy.
Fine. Bury your head in the sand.
How about I bury yours in that fucking wall instead?
- Tony. - For 20 years, he won't crack a book...
...all of a sudden he's the world's foremost authority.
(BABY COOS)
Well, at least he's getting an education.
An education's to help you get a better job.
He's actually reading. This can't be bad.
"The blood-dimmed tide is loosed...
...and everywhere, the ceremony of innocence...
...is drowned.
The best lack all conviction...
...while the worst are full of passionate intensity.
Surely some revelation...
...is at hand."
- (A.J. READING) - "Somewhere in the sands of the desert...
...a shape with lion body...
...and the head of a man, a gaze blank and pitiless as the sun...
...is moving its slow thighs...
...while all about it reel shadows of the indignant desert birds.
The darkness drops again...
...but now I know that twenty centuries of stony sleep...
...were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle...
...and what rough beast, its hour come round at last...
...slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?"
Hey, Tony.
You don't look so good.
(CHUCKLES) This job.
You want a sandwich? A cannoli, on the house?
No, this microbe of mine... You know, from Pakistan.
- Still? - You got a minute?
- We'd like to show you some pictures. - Angelina Jolie, I hope.
These the gentlemen?
That's them.
What the fuck? What?
Don't know. Financing, maybe.
- Maybe? - Yeah.
Honestly, I'm not even sure we still have them in the country.
Thanks for stopping by.
Next time we'll have party hats.
Hey.
Your nephew's widow...
...she get my flowers?
Well, if you sent them, I'm sure she did.
Well, I won't expect a thank you anytime soon.
The grieving process, it takes time the closer you are to somebody.
Yeah, I know.
So, brass tacks...
...what brings you all the way out to the city?
Good news. The condos at the navy yard...
Paulie's guy at the Joint Fitters says they're breaking ground.
- Well, that is good. - Good, yeah.
The other thing, this asbestos...
I thought about your offer.
What do you say to 15 percent, plus we forget about the balance...
...of what you owe me on the vitamin truck?
First off, it wasn't an offer.
It's my position: 25 percent.
That's it?
- What else would you like me to say? - Come on, Phil, what's the problem?
I come here in good faith...
...I make a reasonable counter.
Which I considered...
...and rejected.
Do we need to talk in private?
For what?
Okay then, in front of everybody...
...when you were sick in the hospital...
...we talked.
We shared a...
An understanding about life.
- This is business, Anthony. - Yeah, I know.
But I'm talking to you here on a human level.
There's a limit, Phil. Come on.
A point where business bleeds into other shit...
...feelings make things financially unfeasible.
Charles Schwab over here.
(MEN LAUGHING)
So that's it?
No leeway, no compromise, just stupid fucking jokes?
You want compromise? How's this?
Twenty years in the can...
...I wanted manicott'.
I compromised.
I ate grilled cheese off the radiator instead.
I wanted to fuck a woman...
...but I compromised.
I jacked off in a tissue.
You see where I'm going?
Yeah.
- Butch, Coco, didn't anybody call you? - About what?
- Don't tell me the checks are late. - There ain't any checks.
- The fuck you talking about? - Silvio, Mr. Soprano's guy...
...came by this morning, said to pull your jobs.
- Fuck that. Where's our money? - I don't got it, there's no jobs.
Motherfucker.
I'm sorry, guys. Somebody really should have called you.
- Hey! - (GAGGING)
Jesus Christ!
Guys, that's enough, come on. It's not his fault.
Oh, yeah? Maybe it's your fucking fault. (COUGHING)
Call the police!
(WHEEZING)
Tony Soprano owes you $320.
(COUGHING)
- (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING) - (KNOCKS)
Hey.
I was just watching Borat on cable.
You can watch that thing 50 times and it's still hilarious.
He brings that lady his shits.
(MEADOW LAUGHS)
It wasn't fair to the people involved.
You loved it when it came out.
What do you want, Meadow?
- How was your exam? - I didn't take it.
Hey, leave that!
Okay? Thank you.
Why didn't you take the test?
Because I dropped out, okay?
What's going on with you?
I'm your sister, you have to talk to me.
Is this still about Blanca?
You know, I don't know anymore.
I know how you feel, okay?
When Finn and I split, I cried every day...
...for, like, a month.
You realize we're gonna bomb Iran?
- You don't know that. - You watch.
Bush, before he leaves office.
And you know I'm right.
Okay.
But you need to learn to shut stuff out.
What? Are you crazy?
I mean, do you hear what we're talking about?
You say that, but I come in here...
...and you're surfing the web for porn.
It's not porn.
"Al Jazeera"?
Don't you ever feel like there's no point to any of this?
Why don't you try setting goals for yourself?
Maybe you should move out.
Oh, right, in my condition?
I mean, I can't hold a job.
Jesus, A.J., there has to be something you can do.
Look, I'm ill, Meadow. All right, I'm on medication.
Millions of people take Lexapro.
I need Mom's cooking. It could mess with my blood chemistry.
Do Mom and Dad know you dropped out?
No, and don't tell them.
I took time off, remember?
They broke my balls but it really wasn't so bad.
Of course not. I mean, you're their pet.
We're Italian, A.J. You're their son.
Do you have any idea what that means?
You'll always be more important.
- (FOOTSTEPS APPROACH) - You're awake.
I made Lincoln Log sandwiches.
Maybe later.
I am meeting Gab for lunch...
...and then we are stopping at Nordstrom's.
If you go out, make sure you set the alarm. Okay?
(DOOR CLOSES)
(GASPING)
Jeez!
Somebody!
Help!
Help! My arms! They're frozen!
A.J., what the fuck?
Dad! Help...!
Help!
No, Dad!
(TONY STRUGGLING)
- My leg, it's stuck! - On what?
What the fuck did you do?
Hel... Help!
(A.J. CRYING)
All right, I got you. Stop fighting me.
- All right. - Don't...
All right, turn around. Grab the side.
Grab the side right there. All right.
(A.J. GASPING)
All right.
Goddamn it.
(SOBBING)
- Hold that. - (COUGHING)
- Help me. - All right, climb!
(SOBBING)
What's wrong with you?!
(WAILING)
All right. Are you all right?
All right, come here.
Come on. Turn around.
Come on, baby.
- You're all right, baby. - (A.J. WAILING)
You're all right, baby. You're all right.
(TEARFULLY) You're all right.
Well, here we are.
I'll get him settled. You can come tomorrow during visiting hours.
I love you, sweetie.
- I love you. - I love you too.
He's had a lot of Valium.
(DOORS BEEP)
(CARMELA SOBBING)
But he was better for a while.
Look, it's not your fault.
You warned us.
Come on, come on.
Come on, it's gonna be okay. Come on.
It will, Mom.
But he was always so happy.
He was our happy little boy.
I mean, God.
Come here, baby.
There you go. White walls.
(MUTED TECHNO PLAYING)
- Skip. - Hey, Ton.
There he is.
You hungry, T? You want, I'll send the kid for Baja Fresh.
Anything from Phil?
No, not yet.
All right, let's dispense with the 500-pound elephant in the room, huh?
My kid tried to off himself.
We all fucking know.
That's it?
Nobody's got nothing to say?
How's he doing, Ton?
They got him under observation.
Whatever the fuck that means.
Stupid fuck.
Where did I lose this kid?
- What did I do wrong? - Whoa, come on.
Don't blame yourself, T.
A lot of pressure on kids today, Ton.
Still, to try to kill himself?
It happens, skip.
Happen to your kids?
Or yours?
They're all different, Ton.
My son, Patrick? I love him to death...
...but he can be a moody prick sometimes.
Heather, you know, she was 15...
...she went through a rough patch.
Jason, same thing.
And he's got the hyperactivity to boot.
My son too. The older one, James.
- He tried to kill himself? - No, no.
I don't know, he... He gets the blues.
The important thing is A.J.'s getting the help he needs.
Whatever it is, I'm sure it's a chemical imbalance.
Ask me, it's all these toxins they're exposed to.
It fucks with their brains.
Between the mercury in fish alone...
...it's a wonder there ain't more kids jumping off bridges.
I can't fucking shake it.
Shake what?
- I'm depressed. - Excuse me?
I'm depressed.
I'm telling you, don't you start now.
- What does that mean? - It means what it means.
I have enough on my plate, I don't need you adding to it with your bullshit.
Bullshit?
It's an illness.
- And it's fucking hereditary. - Thank you, I know.
I am intimately acquainted with the Soprano curse.
Your father, your uncle, your great-grandfather...
...who drove the donkey cart off the road in Avellino...
...all of it. What, you think it's a joke?
- Am I laughing? - Then what are you saying?
He didn't get it from my family...
...that's all I'm gonna say.
Your family don't even talk. Your father's so bottled up...
...it's a wonder he's even got a stomach left.
As opposed to yours?
Least my father was upfront about what was bothering him.
With a bullet through your mother's beehive hairdo.
I knew it. I was wondering how long it'd take for you to throw that up at me.
You're amazing, you know that?
In high school, you were the happy-go-lucky rascal...
...the comedian, the rapscallion.
But all of that was bullshit, wasn't it?
Oh, poor you.
She got married under false pretenses.
You've been playing the depression card until it is worn to shreds.
And now you've got our son doing it.
Card? Card?
- You heard me. - Oh, so it's all me, huh?
Our sonny boy? You had nothing to do with it?
It wears you down, Tony. That's all I'm saying.
Do you have any idea what it's like to spend day after day...
...with somebody who is constantly complaining?
Fuck you.
It could have been a cry for help.
Aren't you listening? He did cry for help.
He's lucky I came home and heard him.
I meant the botched attempt.
On some level, he may have known...
...that the rope was too long to keep him submerged.
Or he could just be a fucking idiot.
Historically, that's been the case.
Me and Carm were getting along so good too.
My father and his panic attacks...
...my fucking demented uncle...
...not to mention the other one, Eckley, the fucking retard.
You think there are other reasons why your son is so unhappy?
He's got the world by the balls...
...every fucking advantage...
...and he hits one little pothole and he goes into hysterics.
Yeah, I know.
I'm not taking the rap, not completely.
She coddled him, his mother. I said it before.
Every little problem, she's right there...
...to pick him up and wipe off his tears on her apron strings.
Children need to feel safe.
I'm sure that made him into the man he is today.
Are you ashamed of him?
Yeah, actually I am.
The coward's way out. Isn't that what they call it?
I think whoever said that didn't understand depression.
But you do, don't you?
Where's Dad?
Oh, Meadow got rear-ended on Bloomfield Avenue.
- He'll come see you later. - Is he still mad?
He was never mad, A.J. He loves you.
- How long do I have to stay here? - Dr. Vogel thinks it might be a good idea...
...for the time being just to take a time-out.
Like I'm in preschool?
Did you see Dr. Vogel today?
Today we have group.
Did you eat today?
I had some turkey. It had no flavor at all.
I'll bring some chicken parm tomorrow.
I don't think that's allowed, on account of all the bulimic girls.
So it's front-row mezzanine at Grey Gardens...
...and the guy says... Excuse me?
- You're Tony Soprano's kid, right? - Yeah.
Small world, running into you like this, huh?
I'm sorry, do I know you?
You got a little cream on your mouth there, sweetie.
Be happy to add to it.
- What? - Excuse me.
Lucky guy, her dad.
Must be fun tucking her in at night, huh?
- Do you have a problem? - Not yet.
- Would you like one? - Coco, come on.
- What? I'm saying hello. - Come on, let's go.
Hey, best to your dad, huh?
(COCO CACKLES)
What the hell was that?
But that is not for you to decide.
Don't say anything.
What, are you two talking about me again?
- What's the matter? - Nothing.
What?
Do you know a guy named Coco?
- Why? - She was out on a date last night...
...and he came over and pulled some crap.
What?
- How? - We were in the city, Little Italy.
We were having dessert and he came up out of nowhere...
...and just started saying all this weird stuff.
What kind of weird stuff?
How he'd like to tuck me in at night. Stuff like that.
Tuck you in?
I could smell the sambuca on his breath.
What exactly did he say?
He came up to us and he asked me if I was your daughter...
...and then he said I had whipped cream on my mouth.
Yeah?
What else did he say?
It's all right.
It's okay. He's an idiot...
...but he's harmless.
I'll talk to somebody.
So this boy you're dating, this man, who is he?
You promise not to start with an inquisition?
Will you stop with all the secrecy, please?
- It's Patrick Parisi, okay? - You're kidding me.
That's why I didn't wanna tell you guys...
...and why he didn't tell Uncle Patsy.
I thought he... Where are you going?
Meeting. Sil.
We have Vogel later, don't forget.
(DOOR OPENS, CLOSES)
I thought Pat Parisi was engaged.
They broke it off.
We kind of hooked up at the Cleaver premiere...
...we started talking.
He's changed a lot. I really like him.
So why the big mystery all this time?
I knew you and Daddy never liked him.
No, it's not that we didn't like him, it's just...
So all those times you told me you were staying with Kimmie in the city...
...I suppose you were staying at his apartment?
Sometimes.
Look, there's something else.
What?
I've decided not to go to med school.
What? Why?
Oh, it's just too hard.
- Isn't anything that's worthwhile? - You have no idea.
- Of course not. - Don't get sarcastic.
I really think it's law for me.
I mean, you should hear Patrick talk about the justice system...
...and what it means.
It's really inspiring.
Obviously Sheila resents me. I'm dating her father.
The sullen looks, the transference to me...
...of her issues with her mom...
As your favorite patient says:
"Maybe I should put my shoe up her ass?"
Which patient of mine says that?
Mine, Elliot.
Your favorite patient of mine?
- He hasn't been in the paper much lately. - You miss that, don't you?
My father was a rabid Untouchables fan.
Make of that what you will.
What, Elliot?
I ran into Nancy Duggan last week.
- Do you know Nancy? - Vaguely.
She's on staff at Rikers Island...
...works with a lot of sociopaths, as you can imagine.
Anyway, she told me something interesting.
A lot of studies about talk therapy...
...as it relates to sociopaths and criminals...
...one of them is the Criminal Personality...
...conducted by Yochelson at St. Elizabeth's.
Essentially it concludes...
...that talk therapy...
...while not only being useless with sociopaths...
...actually serves to validate them.
Yochelson says they sharpen their skills as conmen...
...on their therapists.
Crocodile tears, what have you.
Why are you smirking?
- I'm not. - Oh, really?
He showed data.
The one-year reconviction rates...
...were higher for offenders in therapy...
...than for those receiving no treatment at all.
(RADIO PLAYING)
Some peppers and cheese.
Gorgonzola, all right? Don't forget.
Sit down.
- Sit down. - Easy, easy.
(GROANING)
You motherfucker. My fucking daughter?
My fucking daughter, you motherfucker.
My fucking daughter!
Hey, want some sambuca with this?
Tony, you're making a big fucking mistake here.
How about I put a bullet in your fucking head, huh?
(COCO SCREAMING)
Don't do it!
You want some?
(SPEAKS SPANISH)
It's always what you think, isn't it?
It's never how I feel.
Oh, poor you. It's all your mother's fault, isn't it?
- I didn't say that. - You're a mama's boy.
You're gonna call me names now?
No one is calling anyone any names.
How about my confirmation? You called me an animal.
- I did not! - I was in the garage and you said:
"What kind of animal smokes marijuana at his confirmation?"
He was using illegal drugs in the home.
Did it ever occur to you that I might have been self-medicating?
Give me a break, will you?
And how about second grade?
You made me show up to school in that dorky raincoat.
I got beat up because of it.
You would hole up in that room for hours.
Because I was never really secure expressing my feelings in that house.
I mean, that's why.
What kind of poem is that to teach college students?
Would you like to tell your parents what your grandmother said?
My mother?
Grandma, Dad's mom.
What'd she say?
That it's all a big nothing.
- What is? - Life.
That was her, all right.
Okay, fine, she said those kinds of things...
She sat up in bed...
...when she could hardly move.
She could hardly breathe.
She said in the end that your friends and family let you down...
...and that you die in your own arms.
When was this?
When she was in that nursing home and you used to make me go see her.
We're not too young to be grandpas.
Tony?
Carmine Lupertazzi.
- I'll see you later, skip. - All right.
We should have dinner...
...you know, Carm, Donna, maybe the kids.
- Yeah. - I hear wedding bells are in the air.
You want anything?
No, I'm good.
If there's anything I can do, Tony, for Anthony Jr...
Thank you.
When Alexandra had that bout of anorexia...
...we had this terrific psychologist.
She tried to kill herself, your daughter?
No.
She had serious problems though, didn't she?
Not really. It's all under control.
So...
...the reason I'm here...
...you could probably guess.
What happened at Coco's restaurant.
This alteration you had with him...
You're at the precipice, Tony...
...of an enormous crossroad.
Phil's considering shutting down the Hackensack Mall project...
...with a plumbing strike as we speak.
Well, fuck it. Let him.
Easy for you. I have the scaffolding contract.
Oh, is that what this is about, Carmine? What do I owe you?
Come on, huh? You know me better than that.
My daughter, Carmine. My daughter.
- You got a little girl. - You almost killed the guy.
I should've killed him. I'd have had total support...
...but I held myself back! You were being prudent.
Fuck that.
I lost it.
Timing couldn't have been worse, but what the fuck?
So you go to Phil...
...I go with you, hats in hand, bended knees.
Why me, huh?
Doesn't every parent make mistakes?
Why not you?
Because I'm a good guy...
...basically.
I love my family.
There's a balance. There's a ying and a yang.
You think you know. You think you learned something.
Like when I got shot.
Know what?
All right.
When I was in Las Vegas, I took peyote.
Curiosity, I don't know.
You were searching for something.
Well, I saw some things. Not...
...things, per se, hallucinations...
...Roger Corman shit.
- Was disappointing, there wasn't any of that. - What was there?
It's kind of hard to describe.
I mean, you've done it, right? Acid, shit like that.
No.
(SIGHS)
All I can say is...
...I saw, for pretty certain...
...that this...
...everything we see and experience...
...is not all there is.
What else is there?
Something else.
But that's as far as I'm gonna go with it.
I don't fucking know.
Alternate universes?
You gonna be a fucking comedian now?
I'm not.
Maybe.
This is gonna sound stupid...
...but I saw at one point that our mothers are...
They're bus drivers.
No, they are the bus.
See, they're the vehicle that gets us here.
They drop us off and go on their way.
They continue on their journey.
And the problem is that we keep trying to get back on the bus...
...instead of just letting it go.
That's very insightful.
Well, Jesus, don't act so surprised.
(SIGHS)
You know...
...you have these thoughts, and you almost grab it.
And then:
(DOORBELL RINGS)
Butch, how are you?
Phil is not accepting visitors right now.
I just talked to him on the phone, Butchie.
I just talked to him in person. He ain't seeing nobody.
What's going on, Butch?
I just brokered this thing.
He came here to make a peace offering. A semi-trailer of drills, Makitas.
We don't want your fucking drills.
Fuck it. Let's go.
That's right, cocksucker!
- Go back to New Jersey! - Phil, what are you doing?
Take that piece of shit and get off my stoop.
But we just talked about this.
Well, cooler heads prevailed.
- Uncle Philly! - Uncle Philly, my ass.
Will you just come down so we can discuss this?
There's nothing left to discuss, Carmine.
I don't understand.
Why is he like this?
Hey, it's Sleeping Beauty.
- I didn't sleep a wink. - I know, we've been waiting for you.
Have the chess set ready.
- He cheats. - Hello, Honest Abe?
- Whatever. - We just haven't played for so long.
- I know, I just got all this stress at work. - It's cool, it happens to a lot of people.
- Really? - Absolutely.
More than half of adults report experiencing...
...some kind of insomnia at least a few nights a week.
We just want you back.
- Thanks, guys. - When you can't sleep...
No food in the unit, sir.
(FOLK MUSIC PLAYING)