ANNOUNCER: Live from fabulous Centauri City.
It's the Simpsons Tenth Halloween Special.
Now, please welcome your hosts,
If you haven't been probed by these two,
you haven't been probed.
Kang and Kodos.
(crowd cheering)
(smacking lips loudly)
Thank you. Thank you.
Yes, thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
Welcome to our tenth anniversary show.
Oh, we've got a great--
Kang, what are you doing?
Well, you said we were going to warm up the audience.
(canned laughter)
(grunts) Ladies and gentlemen
I have to apologize for my partner.
He had to borrow a human brain.
(canned laughter and applause)
What do aliens have to do with Halloween?
(man's voice) Silence.
(tires screeching)
I still can't believe we escaped from those horrible vampires.
But it was worth it to get back our
Super Sugar Crisp cereal.
♪ Can't get enough with that Sugar Crisp... ♪
I'm having a hard time seeing.
Homer, did you remember to put the fog lights in?
♪ Guess I forgot to put the fog lights in ♪
I better pull over and play it safe.
(loud thud)
(gasps)
Please be a dog.
(gasping)
Oh, no!
Ned Flanders.
-(squish) -He's dead.
(squishing)
He's definitely dead.
(squishing)
Oh, my God.
We killed Ned Flanders.
You mean, you killed Ned Flanders.
Oh, it was an accident. An accident!
We got to go to the police.
They'll never believe a Simpson killed a Flanders
by accident.
Even I have my doubts.
Don't worry, I got a plan.
OK, Ned, the first thing we have to do
(whispering) is to make sure that no one knows that you're dead.
If anyone asks you, just say that you're not dead.
Hey, Maude!
Look who's helping me clean the chimney.
Neddy?
Where have you been?
Hi, Maude... Diddily.
I've been having fun with my pal Homer.
Diddily.
Oh, I'm so relieved.
Whenever you go on one of your late-night fog walks,
I get so worried.
Relax. I'm fine.
But when I do die, I don't want any autopsies.
Well, come on down, you goofy roofy.
-Wow, it sure is slippery up here. -(bell dings)
My pies are done.
(thuds)
Aw, she missed it.
Hey, Maude, I'm home!
Uh-oh, I think I'm having a heart attack!
(thuds)
(Maude screams)
And that's the end of that chapter.
(bell ringing)
Aw. (sobbing)
(whispering) Try not to look too sad.
It'll seem suspicious.
And now Ned's best friend will say a few words.
Homer.
(clears throat)
When I think about Ned,
I can't help but remember
the look on his face
when Marge drove over...
Homer shut up, shut up, shut up.
Oh, wait.
What I'd like to say is
we're still looking for the real killers.
Anyway, in conclusion,
a man cannot be forced to testify against his wife.
MARGE: Stop winking.
We'll miss you, buddy.
Hey, we just got away with murder.
And it was so easy.
No, I've never liked the little wiener
Milhouse.
(tires screeching)
MARGE: No more murders.
But you got to kill--
No!
(gasps)
Someone saw us.
ALL: But who?
Homer, stop that.
(thunder rumbling)
(phone ringing)
Who could be calling at this hour?
(stammering)
Y'ello?
(creepy voice) I know you're alone.
Oh... who is this?
Is this Maude Flanders?
No, it's... Homer.
(normal voice) Oh, hey, Homer, it's Moe.
I must've dialed the wrong number.
(thunder rumbling loudly)
(all screaming)
HOMER: Get in the car.
(starting engine)
(all screaming)
Dear God, it's Homer.
If you really love me,
you'll save my life now.
HOMER: D'oh.
(engine sputtering)
He's getting closer!
(all gasp)
(thunder rumbling)
OK, Marge, you hide in the abandoned amusement park.
Lisa, the Pet Cemetery.
Bart, spooky roller disco.
And I'll go skinny-dipping in that lake
where the sexy teens were killed a hundred years ago tonight.
Now, Flanders, I want you to...
(screaming)
It's impossible. I killed you.
(chuckles) You can't kill the undead, silly.
(squishes)
He's undead, all right.
Are you a zombie?
Oh, I wish.
You see, that night when you hit me with your car...
I'm making record time on this fog walk.
(wolf howling)
Better pick up the pace.
(howling continues)
(growling)
(screaming)
♪ Guess I forgot to put the fog lights in ♪
MARGE: I better pull over and play it safe.
(tires screeching)
So you were going to kill us?
(chuckling) Yeah.
(all laughing)
(growling)
Hey, foamy, I want the news, not the weather.
(laughs)
Marge, did you hear me zing werewolf Flanders?
(growling)
Diddily.
(stammering)
(terrified panting)
-(growling) -(grunting)
Flanders stop that.
(gobbling noises)
Eyes bigger than your stomach, eh, wolfie?
-(laughing mockingly) -(Flanders snarls)
You... No!... Aah! Ow!
(Homer screaming)
Well, well, well, if it isn't
the cutest police officer in Springfield.
Hey, you know, we got feelings, too, chief.
Just dump your candy on the X- ray belt, Ralphie.
There's a good boy.
Safe. Safe.
Razor blade. Syringe.
Ooh, white chocolate.
Check it out, Lisa.
I'm radioactive man.
I don't think the real radioactive man
wears a plastic smock with a picture of himself on it.
He would on Halloween.
(grunting)
Get in there, you stupid pillowcase.
Stop it. You'll jam the machine.
(rumbling)
Uh-oh. Radiation! Duck and cover!
(screaming)
Cool!
Bart!
Oh, my god! Lisa!
She's been crushed
and so have the hopes of our mathletics team.
Hold the funeral, poindexter.
"Poindexter?"
(grunting)
Whoa, Lise, those X-rays
must have given you super strength!
I wonder if I got any powers.
Nope, looks normal.
Wait a minute.
I can stretch.
Look at me! Ow!
Hot-hot-hot!
I must only use this power to annoy.
(knocking at door)
Now, who could that be at this hour?
Yes? Yes? Up? Down? Side to side?
What's your point?
Ow!
(laughing)
I Gotcha.
Bart, with these powers,
we can become superheroes.
OK, so do it, already.
♪ Stretch Dude and Clobber Girl ♪
♪ He's a human rubber band and she's the hulk in pearls ♪
♪ He's a limber lad ♪
♪ She's a powerful lass ♪
♪ He'll wring your neck ♪
♪ And she'll kick your ass ♪
♪ They're Stretch Dude ♪
♪ And Clobber Girl ♪
♪ Stretch Dude, Clobber Girl ♪
ANNOUNCER: Tonight's episode: "Enter the Collector."
But I'm sure that once girls get to know the real you
you'll get plenty of dates.
Next question.
Yes, over here.
(clearing throat)
In episode BF12,
you were battling Barbarians
while riding a winged appaloosa
yet in the very next scene, my dear,
you're clearly atop a winged Arabian.
Please to explain it.
Ah. Yeah. Well,
whenever you notice something like that,
a wizard did it.
I see. All right. Yes.
But in episode AG4...
-Wizard. -Ah. For glayvin out loud.
(glass shattering)
Behold! I am the Collector
and I'm here to add you to my collection.
(clanking)
(grunting)
Must remove... my breastplate!
(groaning)
Maybe later.
Care for a Rolo, sweet Xena?
All right, Collector, stick this in your tweezers.
I'm not Xena!
I'm an actress, you lunatic!
Oh, please.
I'm not insane.
I simply wish to take you back to my lair
and make you my bride.
Oh, dear God!
Clobber Girl?
(grunting)
Thank you.
Help!
It's Xena!
She's been kidnapped.
-(gasps) -Come on.
Remember, you're vulnerable to kryptonite.
Geez, Marge, tell the neighborhood!
Fear not, my syndicated sweetie.
You'll be preserved in this mylar pouch
forever remaining in... near-mint condition
between Dr. Who and, of course, Yasmine Bleeth.
I don't think so.
(grunting)
I don't think so either.
(mocking in sing-song voice)
Your collecting days are over, Collector.
Stop right there!
I have here the only working phaser ever built.
It was fired only once to keep William Shatner
from making another album.
Stretch dude-- Help!
Just a sec.
(grunting)
(phaser humming)
-Whoa! -Hey, phaser, phaser, phaser. Zing!
(phaser clicking)
-(groans) -Ne ne!
Good night, "Retch" Dude and "Slobber" Girl.
Sweet screams.
(Collector laughs) I'm unbelievably amused.
(grunting and groaning)
Soon, those bratty buttinskies
will be encased in lucite
for all eternity.
While we're waiting, here's some names
you may call me on our wedding night.
(clears throat)
"Obi-Wan," "Iron Man,"
"Mr. Mxyzptlk"
and, of course, "Big Papa Smurf."
What do you need me for?
You could have your choice of any of the women in these bags.
You would think so, but no.
Really?
Well, I mean, maybe we are meant for each other.
Growing up, I was always tall for my age
and the other kids made fun of me.
I... I always hoped
for another misunderstood soul
to share my pain and...
you could be that soul, Collector.
Oh...
Come here, you.
Xena needs xex.
(chuckles)
Got your lips!
(grunting)
(yells)
Oh!
You tricked me
with a ruse so hackneyed
-it would make Stan Lee blush. -Shut up.
(screaming war cries)
(yelling)
Oh! Ow!
Ow, that hurts!
Bart, just let me drop and save yourself.
What do you think I've been trying to do?
Aha!
Not even Xena is a match for the limited edition
double-edged light saber
from Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace.
(light saber humming)
(gasps)
You removed it from its original packaging.
(gasping) No!
It's no longer a collectible.
(screaming)
What a nerd.
Lucite hardening...
Must end life
in classic Lorne Greene pose
from Battlestar Galactica.
(grunting)
Best... death... ever.
Wow.
Thanks for saving us.
No problem.
Now, let's get you kids home.
Wait a minute.
Xena can't fly.
I told you. I'm not Xena.
-I'm Lucy Lawless. -Oh.
♪ Stretch Dude and Clobber Girl ♪
(rock music playing)
This is Dick Clark, rockin' down to the year 2000
and that was Whitesnake.
We're not Whitesnake, dude.
We're Poison.
I thought we were Quiet Riot.
It says here we're Ratt.
...he hit rock bottom.
Man alive, what a stinko thousand years.
Blimp wrecks, teenagers...
Then again, we had two TV shows with Andy Griffith.
And 11 with Robert Urich.
♪ Super freak Super freak ♪
♪ I'm super freakin' ♪
♪ Yow ♪
Oh, man, what'd I do now?
Wonderful. Now, that song is dedicated
to all you super geeks
who rocked around the clock
to exterminate America's Y2K bugs. Slammin'!
Hey, Homer, weren't you the plant's Y2K compliance officer?
Absolutely.
Must have been hard debugging all those computers, huh, Homer?
Doing what now?
You did fix them, right, Dad?
Because even a single faulty unit could corrupt
every other computer in the world.
That can't be true, Honey.
If it were, I'd be terrified.
Eight, seven, six...
We want to thank Dixie brand mayonnaise.
Whoo lawdy, what a mayonnaise.
Three, two...
(buzzer)
That's Homer Simpsons's computer.
Oh, God. It's spreading!
Happy New... Wha...?
Oh, no. It's happening.
(screaming)
Uh-oh.
(screaming)
("Auld Lang Syne" playing)
Ha! Wha...?
(muffled) Ha.
(grunts)
Who's going to clean up all those jets?
(crashing continues)
There goes the clothesline.
Well, those ivory tower eggheads have screwed us again.
(chuckles)
Let's just have some milk and go to bed.
(yells)
Hey, this milk's broken!
It's got a computer chip in it.
Everything does.
-(alarm ringing) -(both gasp)
-(doors slamming) -(motors whirring)
D'oh! Ow!
(muttering)
(yowling)
(groaning in fear)
(yelling)
Judgment Day is upon us.
I warned you the Lord wouldn't stand
for your minidresses and Beatle boots...
I resisted these for 35 years.
Why did I wear them today?
But it's not too late to repent your sins
and be embraced by the almighty!
Hey, everybody, they're looting the mall.
Hurry! I got nine shoe buffers.
(all cheering)
I'm caught on something.
I don't want you looting.
But I was going to loot you a present.
Oh, all right.
Yay!
(sirens blaring)
(screaming and yelling)
Oh, thank you, Homey.
A lady Remington.
(whirring)
(yells)
(yelling)
Well, look at the wonders of the Computer Age now.
Wonders, Lisa, or blunders?
I think that was implied by what I said.
Implied, Lisa, or implode?
Mom, make him stop.
(man groaning)
Oh, no, Krusty.
(groaning continues)
My pacemaker, it's stuck on hummingbird!
Nectar, nectar!
I need to drink my weight in nectar.
(loud thud)
Krusty!
Hey, a note.
"You have been selected for Operation Exodus."
They're evacuating the Earth.
Oh, we're saved!
(sobbing) Thank you, sweet clown.
In death, you saved us all.
KRUSTY: (weakly) I'm not dead.
I can still hear his voice on the wind.
BART: There it is.
Just like the dead clown promised.
(elevator bell dings)
BART: Wow. There's Bill Gates,
Stephen Hawking, Paul McCartney,
Michael Jordan, Michelle Kwan...
They must be starting a new civilization on Mars
with our best and brightest.
That's us!
-Name, please. -Certainly.
I am... the, uh, piano genius from the movie Shine.
Uh-huh. And your name is?
Uh... Shiny McShine?
Actually, he's Homer Simpson.
That's Bart. I'm Lisa.
Lisa Simpson?
Oh, you're the ship's proofreader.
Welcome aboard.
Now, before you enter you're going
to have to make a very difficult choice.
You're only allowed to take one parent with you.
Mom.
Love you lots.
Good-bye, Lisa.
Remember me as I am--
Filled with murderous rage.
Well, son, I guess this is the end.
But we've both had long, full lives.
Oh, right.
Hey, look, another spaceship.
And there's nobody guarding it.
Let's go.
I can't believe I destroyed the Earth.
Are you still talking about the Earth?
Right, got to let it go.
All that counts is we're alive
and rubbing elbows with the greats.
(gasps) Ooh.
There's Ross Perot.
Dr. Laura.
Spike Lee.
Wait a minute. They're not so great.
OK, but there's
Dan Quayle and Courtney Love,
Tanya Harding,
Al Sharpton?
(screams) Tom Arnold!
What the hell's going on?
Wait. Only that ship is going to Mars.
Ours is headed for the sun.
Yeah, ain't that a kick in the teeth?
I mean, my shows weren't great but I never
tied people up and forced them to watch,
and I could've, 'cause I'm a big guy
and I'm good with knots.
So, we're all going to die?
Afraid so, but, hey, the grub's pretty good, huh?
(laughs)
The Sun?
That's the hottest place on Earth.
Gonna work on my tannage, buddy.
Pauly Shore? Wow!
Hey, we should do a show together, man.
That's a sure cure for the blues.
(blowing noisemaker)
Hey, turn those frowns around!
Oh, no, Rosie O'Donnell!
Come on, everybody, sing along.
♪ Clang, clang, clang, went the trolley... ♪
This side only!
♪ Ding, ding, ding ♪
♪ Went the bell ♪
♪ Zing, zing, zing, went my heartstrings ♪
♪ From the moment I saw him, I fell ♪
(exclaims)
Don't worry, Dad. We'll be dead in five minutes.
Not fast enough.
(singing continues)
-(sighing) -(popping like a balloon)
♪ Zing, zing, zing went my heart strings ♪
♪ From the moment I saw him I fell ♪
(theme song playing)
(high pitched screaming)
Captioned by Visual Data Media Services